I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I'm TRYING to get some MYOB done today...boy do I feel stupid

I honestly don't know why I bother spending money I don't necessarily have on courses, to help me get a job when they don't. I pay to courses and I end up forgetting everything.

Talk about WORTHLESS!!!

[Music_Freak]

And I just got confirmation that I didn't get that job...what a huge surprise that was...

[Lost_Girl]

Hey Narelle,

It was a great step just in applying. It's all good. I understand the market is tough right now for jobs too even for highly qualified people. I have friends who have had to apply for 30 plus positions before being successful. That's hard on anyone.

Congratulate yourself on the little things, every step counts.

Inability to remember things comes from stress and your illness. Getting your meds adjusted will help with this too.

I know you said you want to wait until your script runs out but I really think you're making things harder for yourself by not seeing a GP earlier.

I feel a bit like I am nagging and I don't want to do that. Perhaps you can let me know what sort of support you are hoping for from the people on the forums here?

I hope you're not feeling down about the job. It was a good step in applying.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

[james1]

Hey Narelle,

Like Carol said, the big achievement was applying. There's only one job and many applicants - not getting the job happened to many other people as well. It's no reflection on your ability.

The next step is to keep up the good work on the courses. They will help even if it doesn't seem like it now. And if any other attractive jobs come your way, don't be afraid to put your hand up for them as well. The harsh reality is we have to apply for bucketloads of jobs before we even get a look in at one, but it'll be worth it.

Good on you for keeping it up.

James

[Music_Freak]

Deep down I know you're right James...I guess I was just hoping for a miracle or something good to happen for a change...I'll keep looking 🙂

Carol, I've read your post a couple of times since you posted and I honestly don't know the kind of support I'm after from everyone here. I guess someone to listen and not tell me they're sick of me, like others have done. I do enjoy posting here, even if it is just to vent. I try and reply even if people like Sherie seem to have more to say and offer, I do try 🙂

I'm feeling today, even if I had to buy a new TV...set top box no longer works so TV is stuffed. I blame Buddy because he sits on it, but I can't be sure it was his fault. Going to attempt some MYOB, since it might be fresh in my brain from yesterday...here's hoping

[james1]

Narelle, nobody here is sick of you. I posted somewhere else that I wish we were all neighbours because I'd invite everyone, you included, to my place for a big group hug. I'd have a big potluck dinner once a week and if I ever went back to uni, a little "I hate studying!" dinner with yourself and all our other study buddies here on the forums.

I see an amazing person here and everyone here on the forums supports you because they see it too.

[Lost_Girl]

Hey lovely,

I just want to try and help you so you can start feeling better about yourself.

If all you need right now is friendship that's easy too. 🙂

Maybe you can find a cheaper option tv from cash converters or similar? I would be lost without my tv. I just swapped from netflix to Stan so I have more to watch now on bad days which are a lot lately.

Is the fanfiction something you write online too or just for yourself. If you really enjoy writing maybe you can consider looking into publishing some of your work. I have always wanted to write a novel. I have 3 started. One is better developed, I have the full plot mapped out I just need to be able to find the time to finish it. Sadly I lack the ability right now while I am unwell.

I struggle with long posts most of the time because of this but I try.

You're important to me too did you know Narelle? All the people here including you make my day a little easier. I would feel terribly alone without you all. My real life friends struggle to understand.

Does Buddy like the warmth of the tv? I hear cats like warm things. I can't have a cat sadly as I am terribly allergic but I do love them.

I have always been a big fan of tigers actually. My teenage self had huge tiger pics all around my room, stuffed toys, ornaments etc. I still have a big tiger toy on my bed now.

I hope you get to do some MYOB today. Does taking notes help? When doing online courses I wiuld use a notebook to write down key things to remember.

Kind thoughts

Carol xx

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for the replies, James and Carol 🙂

Dinners or something would be great wouldn't it?!

I got a bit of MYOB done, about half of a written assignment. I'm glad I've put it away for today though 🙂

I think Buddy does like the warmth, he discovered it a few weeks ago and had been climbing on top of it since. I bought a cheap TV online, which will do for the bedroom. In the meantime I've got my big lounge TV in my room (without a sofa I don't watch it a lot)

I write just for myself mostly, but I did used to let a few friends read it. I'd love to get published, but I'm not sure my writing is good enough.

[Guest_5218]

Hi Narelle. I'm just catching up on all the threads after being at work today, and came across yours.

Bad luck with the latest job application not being successful. But you had already acknowledged that you really werent ready for a full time job just now anyway. So its a blessing in disguise. The important thing is that you tried, and you will be all the more prepared for the next time. So keep looking and keep applying.

If all you are looking for on these Forums is someone to listen to you and not get sick of you ........ then you have it! From lots of people here. But I hope we offer you more than just an ongoing sympathetic ear. I hope we also offer support and encouragement and help to boost your low self esteem. This is something we all crave I might add, so I'm sure you are just as much in need as most of the rest of us in that regard.

Mmmm, your comment of "I try and reply, even if people like Sherie seem to have more to say and offer, I do try", has me a little baffled. (-: Its not a contest Narelle. I read a lot of threads and you are contributing to a lot of them also. Please do not underestimate the importance and impact of your replies. You just arent a 'waffler' like me. It might take me more words to say the same thing you can say in just a few. (-:

Sorry to hear about the TV, that sucks.

Kind thoughts, and an encouraging hug. And a stroke down the back of Buddy.

Sherie xx

[Music_Freak]

A bit of a bad day today, was dealing with pain during the night 😞

But I did manage a little bit of MYOB between doses of painkillers. I'm hoping to get a heap of house cleaning done next week, everywhere is a disgusting mess. Most of my brain isn't bothered, but Buddy deserves a clean(-ish) house