I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

Hey I love bananas and muesli, yum! Next time maybe you can thing about some veggies, huh? Even some carrots, frozen peas and/or beans are pretty good, do you like to cook?

I'm glad that buddy was up to some cuddles.

I'm not surprised that you were thinking about the job. Sweetie this is the sort of thing your pysch an help you with. She should be able to give you some strategies and tools to make it easier for you. Can you make those two appointments?

It worries me that you don't take good care of yourself and there is no one checking up on you. YOU are a worthwhile person that can have and deserves to have a bright future. It does take work to get ourselves together and you are clever enough to do it. You also have lots of support here to help you.

I hope you are working on recognising the good stuff you are doing. Making that phone call about the job and sending in your resume was big and you did it.

I love Emmy's turning a negative into a positive, I try to do it these days. E.g. negative - I accidentally dyed all the washing pink, oops! Positive, I like pink and I'm, going to leave my white skirt and t-shirt pink. The rest of the pink will come out with a bit of bleach or another wash - (grin).

Hugs, xx

[Music_Freak]

My dad's got beer and my sister's always busy, so I don't matter to anyone. I could scream in pain and they'd tell me I'm disturbing them...so there's nobody that I mean a damn to. And anything remotely close to a friend is highly unlikely for me...

I should have died of my mum

I keep saying I want to lose weight, but really, why bother...I'm pretty close to giving up food altogether. To think I was dumb enough to ever think I'd get this job

I'm an idiot

I guess I should try and sleep more than an hour

[Music_Freak]

Well, if entire words weren't missing from my posts I'd sound half intelligent....

[Emmy.]

We are your friends hun. Why don't you have a nice warm shower or bath and try to get an early nights sleep. If you've had only one hour sleep that can cause you to start overthinking things. Big hugs Narelle. Here for you

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

The negative thoughts you are having is your depression talking. As someone who does care about you I suggest you put work, volunteer or otherwise and everything else on hold and make your number 1 priority getting in to see your GP.

Tell him how you are feeling and what your typical day consists of including your lack of appetite. Get him to review your medication because I don't think it's helping you right now.

I think you said one of the drs is there Friday, call tomorrow and make an appointment, tell them it's urgent.

Kindest thoughts, Carol

[james1]

Don't mind me as I walk in and give you a big hug!

Get some rest. It's been tough and you've done really well by applying and even just going to the chemist.

I'm here for you too.

[Emmy.]

Let's try to challenge our thoughts ...

The way your dad and sister are (personality wise, lack of empathy toward others etc.) is showing you exactly the person you don't want to be.

Look at all the people on your thread that care about you Narelle - you mean a lot to all of us - don't forget that.

You could try to live your life to honour your Mum and her memory.

I think you're gorgeous as you are (saw your profile pic) but if you want to lose weight that says to me that you do care about yourself and take pride in your appearance.

You had confidence to apply for the job and even if you don't get its all experience.

You do volunteer work and completing and MYOB course so are very clever!!

You only got an hours sleep last night but you got lots of Buddy cuddles and think of how nice a nights sleep you'll get tonight (here's hoping anyway).

How does this all sound? (It's all the truth) xx

[Music_Freak]

I didn't sleep great, not sure how that's possible, but anyway...going to doze this morning and see if that helps. At least I don't feel so irritable

I really don't deserve all or you and the nice comments

I'm going to try taking my meds in the morning instead of evening and see if that makes a difference before I go to the doctor (they said that on my last visit). I'm hesitant to change meds because I don't want any side effects right now.

Oh how I wish I was normal

[Emmy.]

I recently changed medication. The original AD made me sleepy so I'd take it before bed. When I changed to new medication I was having psychotic nightmares (my GP gave me medication to help with the sleeping) but also changing the AD to morning made a huge difference too so it's worth trying. But perhaps see you GP maybe your medication needs reviewed. (Or do you see a psychiatrist? They could do it). Does any of this makes sense. My heads not in a good place so I just wrote but now it sounds confusing. Hope it made sense Narelle x

[Music_Freak]

It makes sense to me Emmy 🙂

Yeah, I'll see her when I need a script, kill 2 birds with one stone and all that

I bought a cake for lunch today, so maybe my appetites back. We'll see tomorrow. Not the best choice, but I'm eating