I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Emmy.]

And sorry it took me so long to find this thread I've missed so much.

I'm so sorry. I'll read back in the thread to try and catch up.

Xx

[Music_Freak]

I don't know if I'm feeling brighter or not, maybe it was all the sleep I had, thanks to meds. I'm still feeling tired after today which is weird, but I have nothing planned until Thursday.

I've got constant headaches and stomach pain, so hopefully it doesn't stop me going to volunteer, will have to wait and see. I think it's all stress/diet related. Bummer, but if I don't go I will next week (can't overdo painkillers - stocks are low). I'm not going to worry either way. Maybe I'll start walking a little if I don't go in...try and keep positive and all that

My dad went to work, so I guess that's something, we'll see if it'll last. I'm still going to be playing catch up with bills until close to Christmas, probably

I did email my psych, she said my coming here was a good thing. I'm just going to try and relax tonight and see how the pain levels go

[Music_Freak]

I can't seem to do anything today. Pain is bad and I've still got a headache from yesterday. I'm trying to stay hydrated and I had lunch but it made the pain worse, or seemed to.

I've pretty much given up on going in on Thursday and I'm trying not to hate myself too much. The shame of it is I was feeling OK about it, hopefully that carries over until next week...maybe it's just third time lucky or something

It's really no surprise that I don't have a job...

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. You sound really unwell, are you sure you can't make a trip to the doctor to see what's going on? It's not right to be feeling like this.

Hugs, xx

[Music_Freak]

It's just stress and anxiety I think, I've had the tests and they're all clear except for fatty deposits on my liver...yay, I know I'm fat...

I'll try and go to the doctor though, or at least call one, they'll probably only give me painkillers

Roll on next week...

[Wednesday]

That's great I'm pleased the you are closer to seeing a doctor. Your pain may well be due to stress, but that says something too. Can you talk to the doctor about your level of anxiety / depression and the impact it's having on your life too? If the doc is only offering pain killers maybe you could try a different doctor?

xx

[Music_Freak]

Yeah, I just don't know anymore. This pain has been happening on and off since 2010.

I've narrowed it down to all the crap with my dad and rent not being paid, which is just wonderful when they don't care...

I just feel stuck. I'm going to email about not going in to volunteer tomorrow and I'm so disappointed.

It makes me feel like I'm just like my dad and that thought makes me feel sick to my stomach. I know I'm better than him, simply because I pay my bills, but still, it makes me shudder

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

I suggest you book into your GP and get your meds reviewed. It sounds like you are wanting to do all the right things which is great but your illness is stopping you. I understand because I have been there.

At one stage it was a struggle to get out of bed let alone do anything. Lately I got very low again about my pain. I have started ADs again and while they don't stop the pain they help me move past it. I have been able to get out a few times this week and have been able to look after my kids on my own.

I am hoping your GP might have a solution for you to help you achieve the goals you have.

Kind thoughts,

Carol

[Petra]

Hi Narelle

I'd like to have a read of your post and get back to you if I may? So I'm making a quick post here so you appear in my thread list. Easier to find. I find the whole search thing a bit difficult in BB. Still learning.

I think you like little ducks!

Will post soon when I'm sitting still!

Pet 😊 xx

[Music_Freak]

Pet, I'm a sucker for any baby animals, or animals in general 🙂

I'm always stopping to pat animals...I can't help it 🙂