Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just popping in to see how you and your son are today? Thank you for sharing what you did about sleep though I had guessed as much. I am so sorry what happened to you growing up it wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair and you are in no way to blame.

I hope it hasn’t upset you too much sharing as it can be quite emotional and it is perfectly understandable that there are some things you don’t want to talk about.

It took me a long time to share with people what had happened to me because I felt ashamed and didn’t think I would be believed. However, the more I share my story the easier it becomes and it is also a healing process.

As Mary mentioned I think you are doing the very best you can under extremely difficult circumstances. Also try and tell yourself positive things as though you were talking to a friend such as Saree or myself.

Stay safe & strong xox

With love your forever friend Jojo 🌻🤗

[Saree_p]

Biggest of biggest hugs Lilly 🤗🤗🤗

Like Jojo, I had guessed as much, and I too am sorry. I do truly understand.

Please do try and be kind to yourself.

I do like Mary suggestion of mindspot clinic.

One thing, could you try to do one kind thing for yourself each day?

Here to listen and chat,

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You are on my mind. I hope your son is improving. Do you know how long he will be in hospital? It must be tiring visiting every day. Try and do something nice for yourself too such as have coffee or lunch.

How are you holding up? Have you managed to get any rest at all? I wish I could be there with you to sit at the hospital and hold your hand as I imagine it must be very stressful for you. You are very brave to be dealing with everything that is going on.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family xox

With love your forever friend Jojo 🌻🤗

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo, Saree and Mary

My son is still in bad way . Not only psychically but mentally. He won’t be home for a few weeks I think and then 3 months recovery after that .

I am pretty well living on coffee to keep going atm. I am not holding up very well having a couple of hrs sleep. On the way to the hospital my anxiety increases and my emotional state is really hard to mask. When I get there it’s hard because I beat myself up so much when I see him . Thinking what could I have done to prevent this from happening . I blame myself because I have been so wrapped up with my own issues that I haven’t been there for him . He has felt he couldn’t come to me. Which breaks my heart.

I wish I did have you there Jojo to hold my hand . Although I probably wouldn’t accept your help because I have never asked anyone for help or to be there for me.

I am extremely stressed and overwhelmed by the situation

I am trying to tell myself I am doing the best I can . Although not believing a word of it. When I get a chance I will try and check out mindspot like Mary suggested .

Far out I don’t know how I will make it through this . I am trying to be brave but it’s so hard

lilly 🌺

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Please try not to blame yourself or beat up on yourself for the accident. You most likely could not have done anything to prevent it. Perhaps this might even bring you and your son closer together as he is going to have to rely on you over the next few months.

Try and eat more than just coffee even if it is only sandwiches or eggs. Keep your stamina up. And even if you don’t believe it, keep telling yourself that you are doing the best you can because it’s completely true. Repetition helps change negative thoughts.

I know you are doing it really tough at the moment Lilly. However,it sounds like your son opened up to you a bit so that is a positive and hopefully your relationship with him can grow further.

Take good care of yourself at this time xox

With love your forever friend Jojo 🌻🤗🤗🤗

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

The thing is Jojo he hasn’t learn’t at all from what’s happening . He is pushing me away and has every intention to resume what he was doing with a very bad group of friends. As soon as he is well.

Over the last year I have begged and pleaded with him. To stay home, phoning him . Cutting off his money hoping that will make him get a job. But money has come from different avenues. He hates me because he thinks his friends who have got him into this trouble are his family . He is saying so many things to me about how I am as a mum that it only makes me believe even more what I think about myself .

I am at my wits end . Really not sure what to do . Then I have my other son who is sick which breaks my heart. And he has a lot of other issues as well. I am trying to jungle everything .

I feel like such a failure. I don’t know Jojo. Feeling really depressed.

Lilly🌺

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

I am not sure I can keep going . I know that sound selfish but I need this to stop. I want this to stop.

lilly 🌺

[Saree_p]

Lilly, wondrous Lilly,

You can not blame yourself for your children's choice. Same as they can not blame you.

Please trust this one wisdom I have. We all have choices, we make them, the point we blame others = excuses and denial of our own ability to choose.

I so wish I could be there with you xx

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

There is still time for your son to learn from the accident if it is going to take him 3 months or so to recover. He might be all talk do you think?

I am sorry it sounds as if your son puts you down which is very unfair. Does he understand what you have been through? If not perhaps now that he is older it is time for a heart to heart talk?

You are a tower of strength to both your sons which is truly admirable don’t ever doubt that or forget it.

Stay safe and strong xox

With love your forever friend Jojo 🌻🤗

[Lilly99]

Dear saree,

Thank you but it’s just so easy to hate myself . He is only 18

Hope you are doing ok. I read what the CAT team were like too you. I am so angry you deserve so much better. I am thinking of you always. Keep seeking help saree, You are worth it .

Lilly 🌺