Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

[Guest_322]

Hi,

The title basically says it all. I'm something of a sad sack (have been for most of my life).

Some people's trauma seems to come out predominantly as PTSD. Not me, mine seems to show itself as a constant state of blues instead (either that or I'm turning into my mum).

I kind of just want to stay in bed all day. Luckily I'm usually good at dragging my arse of of bed.

Not sure if this thread serves any purpose other than looking for fellow sad sacks- I say this affectionately as I am one of them- who can empathise?

Also, anyone who has had a traumatic childhood but without PTSD?

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

Hi,

Sometimes I feel kind of guilty if I talk about myself a lot. So I end up stopping and starting and sometimes I don't know what to say (or at least on my own thread anyway). Other times, I have a lot to say.

I don't know. Sad is probably the best word to sum it up. But that's nothing new.

Better get back to those assignments...

Dottie x

[Just Sara]

Ohh...chin up honey!

Did I tell you about the time I...hang on...there's children reading. Hmm...did I tell you about the time I won our school diving contest? No?

Well...I'd been practicing for months without a trainer; just winging it really. I had a new bathing suit on the day...full-piece metallic gold with double thin straps that wrapped from my front over my shoulders to criss-cross down my back; low cut near my behind. Many whistles that day...he he

I climbed the 3 metre spring board and took my place. Plod. plod, plod I went down the board and flew off into the sun in a spectacular swan dive then into a perfect pike and landing completely vertical with a few little ripples from my entry. I was screaming my lungs out as I swam to the surface and climbed the ladder to the cement.

Suddenly every teacher sitting in their judging seats let out screams and one woman ran to me in a flurry. Teenagers were wolf whistling and cheering while I stood up feeling pretty bloody stoked with myself. She grabbed my towel on the cement and flung it around me. Hmm...seems my bathers had gulped a few gallons of water so my whole bathing suit was dragging down to my knees!

Kids from behind had a decent view, as did people in front of me; all of me. Sigh...just breathe...sigh...

As it happened, the bathing suit wasn't supposed to be worn in water, it was only to walk around in and flaunt my stuff. Yes...and flaunt my stuff I did! Red faced I returned to my seat in the stands and buried my head in my lap.

As they called for the winners to go up and get their ribbons, I started to cry. When my name was called I slowly cringed my way over. The crowd were going berserk!!! I turned back to look, and everyone was standing on their feet, clapping and spurring me on. The teacher gave me my ribbon and a great big hug. She smiled and said; "You just can't get free exposure like that in the marketing world" then pursed her lips together trying to hold the laughter back.

So on the way back I stopped, stared at the crowd and raised my hands in the air screaming; "Yeah! That's right! You seen it here first you mob of perverts!"

I was famous!!! Ah-ha...he he

Cheered you up? A smile?

Love ya...Sara xo

[Guest_322]

Thanks Sara. That did give me a chuckle. Thanks for sharing.

I love your sassy comeback. Mortified as you must have been at the time, it's great that you can laugh about it now.

Well, style sometimes comes at a price haha.

On another note, actually never mind....

Back to the mountain of assignments (groans).

Dottie xxx

[Guest_322]

Hi Croix,

Sorry, I did see your post. Think we both posted around the same time earlier today.

Thanks, I appreciate your visit. Glad you're enjoying the music chats with Narelle 😀

Dottie xxx

[james1]

Hey Dottie if you do want to get back to your other note, we'd be happy to listen or offer suggestions. No pressure of course.

James

[Guest_322]

Hi James,

Thank you. Always so sensitive...it's a wonderful trait of yours.

Sorry, I genuinely don't remember what I was going on about anymore...forgotten...most likely I was either going to complain about the blues or EDs or something.

I have been feeling pretty down. Then again, that's old news. When your baseline is feeling down, it doesn't say very much. Off to tackle more assignments. Have a few due soon.

Thanks again. I'm so glad you're here.

Dottie x

[Croix]

Dear Dottie~

I'm sorry you are down. Typically nice of you to help encourage another even so. Maybe after the assignments have been sorted you can think about that extra activity (dance, drawing ... ) you mentioned.

With the assignments - did you ever consider what it is like to be faced with a pile of them needing marking?

I remember in one unit I'd see the whole rotten lot with a sinking feeling. I knew what would happen. I'd start in a good mood, but as the day wore in and more and more silly mistakes appeared I'd get grumpy and mark accordingly. When I finished I'd compare first and last and realize I'd marked harder towards the end - so I'd have to go back and even it all up - sigh.

Anyway have fun:)

Croix

[Guest_322]

Thanks Croix,

Always appreciate your thoughtful posts and support.

That's understandable even if it's not to the students' benefit hahaha. I guess you would get sick of reading the about the same topics again and again and again.

I think how it now works is that unis- in attempt to increase fairness- get tutors to mark assignments. Then the unit convenor (plus sometimes senior lecturers as well) take a representative sample from each tutorial class and mark it separately.

The 2 (or more) grades are subsequently compared (e.g. unit convenor and tutor grades for the same paper) to see if it's consistent. If there are large discrepancies then certain papers will need to be marked again. Of course it's still not perfect because aside from multiple choice, there's always a degree of subjectivity (even with a rubric). I think most unis do this...I've friends at different unis to me and their papers are marked this way too.

Anyway...

Perhaps, we will see...time is definitely a factor. It wasn't why I gave up dance but it's a factor now anyway. Thanks again

Dottie x

[Croix]

Dear Dottie`

I guess you would get sick of reading the about the same topics again and again and again.

There was some of that, but occasionally one would really strike gold, an answer better than the one I had thought would be perfect. No due to my teaching (well mostly not:) but to the sheer ability, application and insight of the writer.

Made me feel, I'm not sure: good, glad there were such people in the world, not alone, someone else to hand a burden to -if any of that makes any sort of sense?

If it happened in an assignment I'd award 110%, which made everyone sit up. In actual practicalities it made no difference as the persons involved normally always got HD's anyway (as I'm sure you must:) but the recognition was deserved and it did tend to act as a spur to others.

With the marking checks and balances you mentioned, trying to distribute all those tablets of stone we used in those days was not really practical.

Have fun doing assignments (I actually did at times) - what are you listening to now?

Croix

[Cornstarch]

Got-cha! Dots, I couldn't find ya on here………….(even managed the bold type today)

I see you in me, and me in you. Albeit some time long ago, but the principles are the same................

Loneliness and aloneness will be a constant theme in your life, and navigating those insufficient/warped attachments, especially with females……will quite literally be hellish at times.

In any real sense, I am utterly useless to you right now. You will never meet me, I will never meet you…..there are no words of wisdom to be got,…but……I understand the stabbing sharpness of that type of hurt and bleakness.

Corny xxx

Croix..........I can't find your thread! because I am out of touch, fuzzy and technically incompetent.... but....the last I remember is the horrible flashbacks with the work related incident that you were given no choice but to participate in, despite being a lovely person....................Peace xx