Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Doolhof]

Hi Dotti,

I'm adding your favourite flowers to your dark hole to help brighten it up.

I will light you a little fire for you to sit next to warm you and have a few candles burning to ease the darkness.

There will be some soft comforting music playing and a huge quilt to wrap around you for comfort.

Butterflies are going to come and find your flowers and will flutter around you, if you hold your hand out, one will come and settle there for a while.

As you rest peacefully in the warmth of the fire and the quilt, and the soft glow of the candles, you will start to notice more light entering your dark place.

If you look up, you will see the sun starting to stream into your dark place, making it less harsh and consuming.

Dear Dotti, you can continue this anyway you like, or find a safe place of your own in your mind. Visualisation helps me when I feel like I am in a very dark place.

Thinking of you and sending you much compassion for the place you find yourself in. There is a way out of the darkness, I'm hoping you are able to take small steps towards finding the way out.

Hugs to you, from Dools

[startingnew]

hugs Dotti

Mrs D has made this place look very beautiful

xoxoxoxo

[Guest_5809]

Had a more positive day. saw my mh worker. Medication review booked, secondary consult referrred and respite referral in. Care of the kids will be organised. Just need to get passed my mothers guilt at putting my needs first. It's hard to surrender to my needs and fears. I am dam scared. SN you have inspired me. ❤️

[Guest_128]

Holly crap batman,

that is awesome news,

Go with it,

oh man( I know you not man)

I am so happy and can see that big balloon deflating,

so happy,so happy,so 😁

Dory

[Guest_5809]

Thanks dory. 😊

I have totally lost myself and how my mind is worries the hell out of me. Getting past this mum guilt will be my biggest hurdle. Guilt and shame and fear are going to my biggest hurdle.

[Croix]

Dear Dotti`

That is really great, and something you have needed and deserved for an awful long time.

My favorite aircraft sign, it's overhead in passenger aircraft:

Put oxygen mask on self before others

As you can see it means you have to be in good condition yourself and not sacrifice yourself too much or you can't do anything. Shows it's not being selfish, just realistic.

Croix

[Guest_128]

I have to do it too,it's been sucked out of me.

I do hope you know,the stronger you get with YOURSELF the more your children will benefit.

I don't care what you say girlfriend I am just so happy for you.xo

[startingnew]

this is all really positive Dotti

im so proud of you

sending lots of hugs xoxoxoxox

im glad youve come to this decision and its all being worked out.

i can only help, youve gotta put in the rest but im glad youve got some inspiration from somewhere and thats whats important xoxox

[Guest_5809]

Thank you all so much for your support to date. I was very vulnerable and felt so exposed. But I new if I didn't I was coming out of this whole this time. What a fab bunch you all are. Much ❤️ To you all.

[startingnew]

super proud Dotti

xoxo