Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Guest_5809]

As I am proud of you. Xx

[startingnew]

im really glad you spoke to your mh worker thats for sure Dotti

i know that wasnt easy for you but im so glad you have done it

xoxox

[Guest_5809]

😢😢😢😢

what a fab night last night. Oldest child decided to Sh. Took 3 of us to restrain him until police and ambos arrived. He went to hospital. They cleared him and sent him home.

I am so so worn down from seeing this. No one asks how are you doing mum? And now we walk on egg shells to frightened to retriggerr him even though we don't know his triggers.

I could just run away 😢😢😢

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

I'm sorry to hear about that incident with your son on two levels. The obvious one that it is a bad situation and a great upheaval and worry.

The second one is the possibility you might not go ahead with your plans for the review, referral and having the kids looked after for a while. I guess when this sort of thing happens one goes into 'emergency mode' and all else takes second place. Actually it seems to me looking from the outside it is an extra on top of the previous impossible situation and makes continuing your plans even more important.

Sadly can't offer concrete help, but hoping for you

Croix

[Guest_5809]

Thanks Croix

i am really struggling as is my younger son with seeing these attempts on my mr 15 end his life. It is dragging me down. It's heart breaking emotionally draining. Yet today it's like nothing has happened for him. He is hyper and demanding and we just walk on egg shells 😭

[startingnew]

hugs and hugs Dotti

xoxoxo

[Guest_5809]

Thank you I do appreciate the hugs but I am numb really

[startingnew]

thats ok Dotti, so am i but if i can share some of my love hopefully itll be enough

xoxoxox

[Guest_5809]

Oh no!! Are you ok xx

[startingnew]

no not really Dotti but ill leave that to my thread