Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

[Hanna3]

Hi all, apart from here and a brief visit to church last night (to make it feel Christmassy and to just be with people) I've had day after day for weeks now with nobody at all to talk to. This time of year especially it's really depressing. Old friends that live far away are gradually losing contact with me - I ring them but they don't ring me. I understand they're busy with their live elsewhere but still it's hard when you're lonely. I'm going to a Christmas Eve service at the local church tomorrow night to at least be with people for a little while... but otherwise all day I'm alone, just me and the dog. Sometimes I strike up a conversation on BB but then the other person disappears and that's the end of that...

How are people meant to cope with prolonged periods of social isolation? I read, I watch DVDs, normally I'd go for long walks with the dog but thick smoke from bushfires and intense hot weather have stopped that. I go to a café alone sometimes. Any ideas/help?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Hanna

How's today looking for you? Yes, I thought the heat may have been responsible for the mixup in your messages. I don't blame you. You poor thing enduring so many days of heat.

Yes, I found working in aged care incredibly rewarding but often heartbreaking too. Also, I fully understood the need for the recent royal commission into the sector. We were so often understaffed, and even fully staffed not able to fully meet the needs of the residents. I would love to see big changes in the sector so that residents care AND social needs are more fully met. I've been trying to work out where I might like to practice social work once I'm able to. I've been thinking palliative care, but there are so many areas you can practice in and a lot of them would be really great.

What a bummer about book club. Can I be negative nancy for a moment though, and say "typical"! haha

Well, not sure what I'm going to do today. Still not inspired to tidy my house or do my dishes. I've been up early and walked pup, so at least I've achieved something.

Hope today's a good day for you and Sam. Take care, Katy x

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, yes sorry I confused you and Katy with mixing up replies. I think part of the problem too is that when I go to reply it throws me to the bottom of all the comments - I wish when you hit "reply" it just took you down from the comment you're replying to.

It was a writing group, the book club is later this week... I used to do a bit of writing for radio some years ago. Yes not very inclusive, not sure I'll go back, think I might give it a miss. Cooler this morning thank goodness, hot now but it was lovely taking Sam for a walk in the park during the daytime for a change instead of just evening.

Yes digging holes in the sand is apparently great fun if you're a dog - I used to tell him he'd come out at Southampton if he wasn't careful! I think the sand felt nice so he used to buy his face in it. What a sight...

Cheers!

[Hanna3]

My house is a wreck Katy it's been way to hot for ages to do any real housework. It's just me so I figure I can do it when it's cooler!

Yes anyone working in aged care that I've talked to says they wish they had more time to spend chatting with patients etc but are too run off their feet. Terrifying to think of ending up in a place where you don't receive good care and maybe like me have no family to check up on you.

I found being a volunteer nurse was particularly good because I could spend as much time as needed talking to patients and their families - that was considered part of the job for me so they couldn't pull me away to do more practical things instead. So I'd wash and feed and tepid sponge etc etc, but when patients or families needed someone to talk to I couldn't be interrupted. So it was quite indulgent nursing.

Patients also liked I wasn't "officially" one of the nursing staff and so felt they could confide to me about things they didn't want staff members to know about.

Spending time talking to lonely patients was so fulfilling. So was having the time to brush their hair, wash their faces, do their nails, give them a foot massage, whatever. When you're stuck in bed the little things like that really mean a lot to your comfort. We had a lot of crises too with patients deciding to have a fit, or a major haemorrhage, just as I was there.

It's interesting that I have anxiety but never during a major crisis, I go completely calm. I once read a study where they said people who live with a heightened anxiety level are often better in a crisis because they are accustomed to anxiety!

Your social work may open you to all sorts of options. Go you!

Now I hope I have replied to the right people this time...!!!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Hanna and Sam

Yes, it's a definite benefit to living alone - not having to worry about housework. I'm feeling I might be able to get something done today finally though. Can't believe the dishes have been sitting there over a week now (ooops). My appetite is also back with a vengeance. I had KFC last night, plus drove to the servo late for ice cream and snacks! haha

Volunteer nursing sounds really wonderful. I've never met any. Is this something that hospitals still have? I'd love to see them in nursing homes too. As you say, to do all the lovely things the staff don't have time for.

Interesting you say that you're cool and calm in a crisis - I'm quite the opposite. My anxiety goes into hyperdrive. I've been through a few crises and was lucky to have had someone else on hand who could keep it together and do what needed to be done. So I guess that theory doesn't apply to everyone. Although my anxiety now is so much worse than back when I used to work. I mean, I can't work at all at the moment. I wish I could somehow wind my anxiety back to a manageable level like it used to be. We are so close to finishing uni and everyone is getting excited thinking about where they are going to work and what it will be like (I do talk to other students on line) and I'm just wondering how I can get myself to a point where I can actually manage it. Oh well, it is what it is.

What's your news for today? Are you in that nice airconditioned house this week? I hope so. That will be lovely for you both. We're expecting 30 today, so I've walked Storm early and she's snuggled back in bed.

Katy

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy, my house is so bad at the moment I'm embarrassed but with weeks of heatwaves you can imagine I have had no energy to do housework, I've just been surviving!!!

Glad to hear your appetite has improved with a vengeance by the sound of it - yay to KFC and ice cream I say!

Don't worry yet about what you're going to do with your social work degree, just getting it is enough at the moment. You may find there's some voluntary work you can do with it and see how you go with that - so less stressful than finding a job. At the moment if I were you I'd just be thinking how great to have your graduattion and have your degree and heave a sigh of relief you've done it and big pats on the back for managing to do it, how fantastic is that!

I'm stressed today. Pension not enough to cover the bills this week, especially sudden extra ones - Sam has to be clipped tomorrow, my lovely groomer moved to Queensland so I have to travel an hour to another town where I am booked with a groomer recommended to me, but I'm anxious about the drive, finding where she is, and how she is with Sam, and the cost is $70 help. Plus he's on a special diet so that cost $48 this morning. Insurance and computer bills to come out this fortnight too plus prescriptions I need. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to be eating... eeek.

My friend has been too tired to leave yet, says she will probably leave tonight, can't use the house tomorrow because I have to drive to another town, so maybe Wednesday. The mornings are cooler at the moment but the afternoons really heat up.

Have been looking at my commitments and realise I just can't cope with the stress of things I absolutely have to go to. Book club is OK as it doesn't matter if I don't turn up. Haven't been to church for a month, heat too much for me. I joined a choir but don't want to be committed to performing at the concerts - I really don't like performing, am wondering if they will accept me if I don't attend their concerts - I don't mind the rehearsals in the evening as they seemed a friendly crowd. Oh dear what to do.

Have realised my anxiety and stress had to be carefully spaced out - a stressful day has to be followed by a very quiet day. I get exhausted quickly.

So I'm trying to reduce things I absolutely have to attend, at the same time knowing I need a couple of friends here. Tricky.

[Paw Prints]

Hi Hanna & wave to Katy,

It takes a special person to care for/nurse strangers.... having nursed family I know I couldn't do it.... except perhaps for a very brief period responding to an emergency situation…. Many people think providing palliative care would be so depressing…. yet like you I found it a special time where the little things could make such a difference…. That you could be there for the families as well is lovely & I’m sure very much appreciated.

As for being calm in a crisis.... for me very much depends on the type of crisis & if I feel responsible for those with me.... I'm calmer in a serious crisis.... such as suspected snake bite…. I do get in a tizz with little ones…. like coming home to a flooded house because the washing machine has overflowed.

Very much my confusion with the writing group…. Sorry!!

You have managed to find quite a few groups since moving there…. winnowing the ones you’re not coping with is just being sensible…. you’re not alone in being exhausted after a stressful day.

Grrr your friend leaving later than planned.… even though the cooler mornings must be nice…. will she still be away for the same amount of time or will she be back earlier?

With Sam’s new groomer being so far away, have you thought of checking with the local vets to see if they offer the service. Save you the drive & they may be cheaper.

I finally managed to go into town to get scripts filled & grab a few things from Woolies yesterday…. Woofa enjoyed the drive…. he especially enjoyed his reward for being good…. a Maccas icecream…. the slobber cloth got a good workout….

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws (and Woofa!)

I'm exactly the same in little crises at home believe me - and I'm ultra-anxious in busy traffic (which is why I am finding Big Inland Town very daunting - it was snowing heavily when I came to look at the house, so I guess people weren't out on the roads much so I didn't realize just how busy it is here). Just for some reason working in hospitals I've had people have a cardiac arrest/fit/haemorrhage/stroke in front of me and I go really calm until after it's all over (and then I get the shakes).

I think partly it's because when you're nursing you're "role playing" in a way - you're Nurse not me Hanna who has anxiety issues.

Gee there is a bad element in this town. On Saturday morning I walked Sam in the park we always go to and there are always plenty of people around. However we were in one spot where there wasn't anyone, just walking Sam on the lead, and a young teenage boy (I'd say 13 or 14) came up behind me, grabbed the lead off me, grabbed little Sam by the collar and started punching my little dog in the face with his other fist. His father just looked on laughing.

I had a real struggle to get my dog back, the young boy was stronger than me, poor Sam didn't know why he was being hit and tried to get under a park bench to hide, and I was yelling at the teenager and the father to get away from my dog. Eventually I somehow got hold of Sam and got away. What would have happened if my little guy had bitten the boy to defend himself? I was pretty shaken after that believe me!

Today driving home the driver ( a young guy) behind me almost hit my bumper yelling abuse trying to get me to go through a red light. I was so scared I pulled the car over to the side of the road to get away and get him past me.

So I'm feeling a bit shaken tonight!

I did ask at the Vet but they only recommended the groomer that everyone tells me not to go to. There are only two dog groomers in this huge town but 12 in the next town I'm driving to tomorrow which is smaller. Go figure! The other groomer is booked out and not taking anyone.

I guess I'll make a day of it and have a look around a bit while I'm there.

I don't know when my friend is coming back, I think she's gone tonight but I haven't heard - just that I have to go past her place to go to the park and this evening her car wasn't there. I don't know when she's coming back now. Hopefully we can use the aircon there for a couple of days.

How are you keeping Paws? Pats to Woofa!

[Hanna3]

Hi Paul,

Gee I'm sorry I missed your post until tonight - I can only think it's been the heat and my brain temporarily fried! Now I'm trying to think what I said to Dools - but thank you for being nice!

No no proper masks for the smoke as the chemists here ran out of them and couldn't get in more - but the worst seems to be over now as they've got the megafire near here under control thankfully.

Dogs need time off the leash, I used to love letting Sam run free along the beach and in big parks - and small dogs can have a go at big dogs I've seen it happen! Some little dogs just don't realize they're little!

I saw your comment on the bushfires segment and was glad you'd said something as it was starting to look like a political website complete with all the nasty comments. Thanks for saying something about it Paul!

Best wishes for now from me and little Sam!

[Hanna3]

Paws I've never forgotten some of the patients in the Palliative Care Unit I worked on. I remember one evening there was a sick elderly man sitting alone in his bleak little room with just a tiny radio for company - his wife had died and they had no children. Imagine how boring it is to be alone and sick night after night with no visitors! It was so great to be able to sit and talk to him - he was English and used to sing in a choir and I was in a choir so we talked about singing and all sorts of things.

When I popped it to say goodnight when I was leaving he said to me "It was so nice to be able to talk to someone about choirs". Poor lonely man. I felt it was a real privilege to be able to help people like that.

I really should volunteer to visit people in an aged care unit. If I could take Sam it would be really nice!

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Some patients really get under your skin don't they? I remember one lady became palliative and didn't have any family so staff volunteered to sit with her around the clock until she passed. Brings tears now to think of it. Some I remember with a smile, and some I remember for their struggles. You should definitely look into volunteering. I know there is such a great demand here for volunteers in aged care.

I was really shocked to read your story about the young lad abusing Sam! I honestly can't believe people behave like that! And with a parent watching on. That's just disgusting! I bet you were frightened, but it sounds like you do handle yourself well. I probably wouldn't want to leave the house again if that happened. How awful. Please give Sam a big smooch from me, and tell him he was such a good boy to take cover and not bite. What a lovely demeanour he must have.

Well I started out feeling good this morning, but a stranger was rude to me and put me in a bummed out space, so I guess I'm not as "well" as I thought. I've picked up now and FINALLY managed my dishes - yay! And yep, I know what you mean about bills! I have 3 pets which I can not afford - one of my cats is on a special diet too, and I dread when they all run out of food at once, or one needs to go to a vet. My ex used to tease me about having to "eat a cup of flour" as I told him that at times I had had to resort to whatever was left in the cupboard. It's not a great feeling.

Well, best of luck tomorrow for your out of town adventure. Let us know how it goes and if you find anything interesting on your journey. (Glad my dog doesn't need clipping - $70! ouch!).

Katy