Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[white knight]

Hoi Ggrand.

Yes Quirky, a specially kind person.

I cant help feeling you need a mediator/counselor to help bridge the gap between you and your sons

Slipping back is normal.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Thank you both so very much.

your kind words are so much needed, appreciated and taken to heart

i explained best I could about how mh problems are making me feel but I didn't tell him how I haven't been coping and just how bad I've been feeling. A little at a time Quirky I asked my youngest not to tell his brother as I feel that's up to me. Only half a job done but still got eldest to tell. He will be harder to tell because I know what I'll be in for so wished they were both here then only once I needed to do it.

Grandsons 21st & eldest son party on Saturday then hubby's birthday on Sunday. They are expecting me to go but I really don't think I will cope with it. Im supposed to leave Thursday morning. feeling like I'm heading back into the dreaded dark tunnel my safety plan is no driving as I don't feel safe in my car, I can only wait for Thursday to come then see how I am. I don't want to let them down but I really don't want to go either, I'm just not up to it and know I won't be coping good.

C msg me today and said he is trying to organise time off work so he can come to mine around late December for a visit. Scarey but this needs to be done I think so he can start healing this part of his life.

Quirky i really forget how to be kind to myself as I feel I don't deserve kindness. I have made so much trouble with my sons and our relationships once and if I can mend all the stuff ups I've created maybe then I can be kind to myself until then their needs come first

White Knight you may be right about councillor/ mediator for our relationship but I can't even get a physologist for myself for some reason beyond my control my doctors seem to be unable to arrange a meeting with one for me and I can tell you honestly I am in real need of one quickly

Quirky and White Knight I am in awe of your knowledge, kindness,compassion, guidance and help and also Dory you all have my greatest respect and thanks .

Grand.

[Ggrand]

Really what else will happen to try and destroy me life sux.

[quirkywords]

Grand

You have opened up a conversation with your son and that is a good start.

I think you can cope with what life deals with you. I hope after C has come for a visit you will be able to start a new and wonderful relationship. He needs you in his life .

It would be nice if you could stop blaming yourself for stuff ups, as you call them. You did then what you needed to do under very difficult circumstances. I think you need to be kind now and give yourself credit for your resilience.

Quirky

I don't have much knowledge but you have self knowledge and you know what works for you.

[Ggrand]

Thanks Quirky. Just hurting so much. A dear friend of mine passed away last night. I was supposed to visit him yesterday but wasn't up to it. He was respite for 2 weeks. Just seems to much happening atm.

[quirkywords]

Grand

sending you a hug. I am so sorry for your loss.

Thinking of you

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello.

Im so sorry to be here again but son c is coming here to visit me Friday morning with his 3 eldest children. I really do want to get to know him and try to be a good mum to him. A bit late but it can happen but atm I'm shaking and scared as ?????? My hearts going 100 klms an hour. I m really sorry but I'm all nervous as anything. I don't know how to act what to say. I'm so frightened when I talk to anyone. I'm just scared. Stupid I know I am. Hate myself for this anxiety. I'm not ready yet

GG.

[white knight]

Hi GG,

Your anxiety has to be put into perspective by yourself.

Also remember- keep busy, do some cooking...grandmas cookies? Im sure the kids will love them.

All your don wants to do is show off his children.

A friend of mine had an unusual technique. If really anxious he wrote a short note and gave it to his daughter upon their arrival. It read "I'm very nervous, so nervous I'm scared. Hope you can help me out with conversation?"

Youll be ok because I said so!

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello White Knight, and thank you

its ok I shouldn't have posted again you have all helped so much all ready. I can't calm my anxiety I wanted to be a better person then who I am for him and be who I was before mh struck me down. That's not going to happen.I will have to learn to accept who I am. To tired to fight it anymore.

GG.

[white knight]

Gg

Please, rest.

Google

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Maharaji prem rawat the perfect instrument

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Youll be ok

Tony WK