Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[Ggrand]

Thank goodness I got my dates wrong it's next Friday. Gives me a bit more time to try and get myself together, a bit more breathing space.

On your suggestion before I did listen to maharaji prem but keep forgetting about him, thank you for reminder, I don't know how to download it onto iPad

GG

[quirkywords]

GG

That is great news about c and his children visiting next Friday. For some reason your recent posts did not show up on my threads list.

I am glad you let us know what was happening.

You will be fine. Are they visiting for the weekend ot the Friday?

Tony has given you good resources to use.

Let us know how you are going as we are always interested and so proud of how you are going.

Calming thoughts

Quirky

[white knight]

Hi gg

Dont we just adore quirky!

Ok, so you have an extra week to plan some treats etc.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hi Quirky & WhiteKnight,

thank you for your kind replies

Quirky... coming for the weekend arriving Friday morning.

WhiteKnight.. I can't get my anxiety into perspective, I can't control it, it's controlling me and its debilitating it's put me into a low I've not been in for a long time. Seeing physoligist weekly & trying to heal that

baking cookies, can't even boil an egg atm

kind thoughts

GG

[quirkywords]

GG

Thanks for letting us know. I know you have anxiety but are you a little bit excited to be seeing him and his 3 eldest children.

Remember how proud we are and how far you have come in from your first post. You are stronger even though you may not feel it at times.

Yours on, c, wants so much to be part of your life he is visiting with your grandchildren, That is so wonderful.

Your sons, your grandchildren, and people on this thread all think you are wonderful .

Let us know you are going. I am glad you are seeing a psychologist.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky,

I also desperately want c and new grandchildren to be a part of my life.

I have always held c lovingly in my heart always thinking about him, wondering about his life, what he was doing, where he was, If he was happy, healthy etc and praying we would meet up at sometime, Now the time is getting closer, nearly here. I have dreamed of this day, prayed for this day to come for so long, am I excited? , I should be because I've waited so darn long for it to come. Well, so very sorry ( sorry not strong enough) no. all Im feeling is an enormous amount of fear. Why, I can't answer that and believe me I have been trying to.. I'm just so (I don't swear) over my incredibly, unbelievable, dumb way my thoughts/mind/brain whatever it is, and the way it's controlling me.

GG

[Ggrand]

Quirky

i know that's not you wanted to hear and I am so very sorry ,

i have an emergency visit with my physiatrist tomorrow she rang me last Thursday to check I was ok, and to let me know she wants me to see another physiatrist as well as her every other week I told her c was coming nearly 8 weeks early she asked me to see here tomorrow,

GG

[quirkywords]

GG

Please don't be sorry for how you feel/

I am sorry if I made you feel that way, I just wanted to be supportive.

You are trying so hard and I can understand why you would be feeling fear . You are trying hard to control your thoughts.

It is such a huge thing you are doing, please don't be hard on yourself.

That is good you are seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow.

Sending you a big hug .

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Oh Dear Quirky,

you didn't make me feel that way, no apology please, My anxiety has been growing and taking over me now for a couple of weeks since c contacted me.

I had no one and you and the others were there for me and I can see thankfully still are . I couldn't have done any of it without your encouragement and kind words. I will always be so grateful and thankful towards you all for that. I deeply mean that. With the BB forums and people like yourself, I know a lot more people are still here.

Kind thoughts and greatest respect,

GG.

[white knight]

Hi gg

Something you might not be aware of.

Ultra alertness is in people with ADHD. A prof Green of Sydney daid thst it developed in cave man days. When a man protected his family he had to be alert to predators, thieves, etc some humans developed this alert trait that just doesnt fit into our society. It is a normal trait.

Fear is the same. It is in all of us. When you have suffered as you have with homelessness, violence, loss of a child etc....there are consequences. You become afraid, damaged and anxious.

Even positive people like myself find it hard to see positives in fear, crime, anxiety etc. But when we take it to the extreme i.e if we didnt have fear at all then we would be vulnerable as we wouldnt protect ourselves.

So, once this visit is underway you'll settle.

THE DOOR

The many things you craved

Years along wonder street

You tears finally march in time with

The pitter patter of his feet

That sound before the door bell ring

You missed every night and more

You wont miss it now mum so good

He's knocking at the door...

Tony WK