Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[quirkywords]

I am sorry you are feeling this way.

You are smart and strong.

I can understand your frustration and pain and that it all seems so hard.

Anyone would find a conversation like this hard talking about mh issues to their children without the other issues you are dealing with.

The will see you as loving and will want to help you. You neeed to give them a chance and explain simply how you are feeling.

You could pretend everything is ok but that may come at a cost your health, If you could let them know the truth just some at a time.

THey will want to help you, they know what you have done for them and how much you love them.

Hiding and pretending is exhausting.

You express yourself so well here and come across so strong and honest. Everyone who has read your posts has warmed to you and you have touched us.

Sending a hug,

Quirky

[Nigelpm]

Hi Ggrand....I was adopted when I was 6 weeks old. I traced my natural mother when I was 48 and found her easily in England as she married someone with same surname.It initially went well and we swapped letters and told each other about where we were at in life and things that had occurred over the years. One night I was contacted by my half sister on Facebook. She looked so happy and vibrant. Not like me at all. A force within me at the time erupted I could not describe it fully except it was like a huge rush of anger and pain.I wrote to my natural mother via email and told her how much I hated her for what she had done and how my life had always been a struggle and I don't know where I fitted in life. My adoptive parents managed to have there own kids when they moved to Australia -which I felt always left me the odd one out. I went to see an adoption counsellor after this rage and she explained it as the primal wound and gave me a book to read with that very title. I knew like you on a conscious level that my natural mother only did what she could to survive as like you there wasn't the support for single mothers like there is today. The rage against her though was little damaged Nigel that had been crippled emotionally all his life came bursting to the surface. The pain that I would have felt when ripped away from my natural mother and placed in a crib in an austere adoption home and bottle fed was still inside me. Consequently my natural mother does not want to meet me and severed all ties despite apologies. I am not saying this will happen to you-but it could!

[Ggrand]

Hi Quirky ..

Trying but this time I don't know I have got just so much anger at myself..its so frustrating not being a confident person..

[white knight]

Hi Nigel

I hope Ggrand reads your post.

Thankyou for telling us your story. Its a delicate situation all round.

Have you ever considered rocking up at her door with flowers or a middle mediator?

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hi Nigel.

I am very sorry that a relationship could not develop between you and your biological mother. I really do feel sad for you.. how any mother can do this twice to her son or daughter... it just breaks my heart to read it.Just letting you know that I have read this but atm cannot say any more.. please know that your story really touched my heart..

Quirky only my youngest turned up. The oldest to busy with work. That's OK then .still haven't told youngest about my mh problems but I will tomorrow just don't know how to..I really tried a few times today but backed out. The feeling that comes to me when I'm about to open up to him is a horrible feeling physically it makes me feel sick and very shakey and mentally my thoughts are continually fighting between to tell or not to tell.

I trust in what you are all saying to me and believe you are all right i just have to get the right words out tomorrow and not be so darn afraid of conversations. I need to do this for all of you as well as me..

Thank you so much for the hug Quirky it really does help me feel not so alone..

Ggrand

[quirkywords]

Nigel,

Thanks for sharing your story. It is interesting how people relate differently to the experience of adoption. My partner's anger and frustration are for his adopted family as they never told him about his cultural background which he found out in his 50s when he found his birth family.His mother had died decades before but he was glad to find 2 brothers.

Ggrand

Thanks for your kind words. You do what feels and sounds right for you. I am just trying to help . Just tell your son what you feel comfortable telling. A little bit at a time.

I will be thinking of you

a big comforting hug

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Ggrand

just wondering how you are going and am thinking of you.

Kind thoughts

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Feeling ashamed degraded just absolutely crappy guilty of putting this on my youngest ..falling right back down again. So very sorry Quirky... I just always stuff up everything. Just not good.

[Ggrand]

Quirky I know I did the right thing by telling him how I am feeling just been triggered an awful lot over the 3 days. So really sorry about the outburst I should have waited until I felt a little better. Just angry at myself that I'm slipping back to where I was before this journey started. With everyone's help over the past month or so I was getting a hold of myself and started improving which I am really grateful for but now I feel like I'm going under again and that's making me so sad guilty anxious and angry at myself. Again Quirky I am truly sorry for outburst.

Ggrand.

[quirkywords]

Ggrand

Please do not apologise. You are under a lot of stress and are coping as best you can. This is a place where you can be yourself.

You really need to be kind to yourself. Please congratulate yourself on being brave and really coping with so much in a short period of time.

I am so proud of you.

Quirky