Good morning all,
My loving partner died 3 weeks ago and I've been different each day....managing to do all the essentials but at times in a confused "lost" sort of way that I hide well. I conduct conversations with others, some who know, some who don't very easily...chatting and laughing and carrying out the essentials of daily life, paying bills, making appointments, car services, new appliances etc....as if nothing had happened.
Most mornings though I want to lie in bed for the whole day,never seeing or speaking to anyone. Driving in the car when a piece of music plays that reminds me of "us" the tears come. I attended a small group meeting of member of a club I belong to (of course it's all been shut down and in limbo since Corona, so nothing happened to distract me from the loss)....just needed to see familiar faces. Strangely enough conversation seemed to shut down and become a bit stilted when I arrived..no one mentioned my loss at all. I was longing for a hug, so I could give way to my pent up emotions, but there were none.
No touch,no comfort offered....nothing! Why was this? These are great people and I know they care and like me..........but they didn't offer any words of comfort. Perhaps I was wrong about them being my friends, perhaps they couldn't give a stuff about me after all...what an idiot I am!
The loss is not just"him"...a person. It's the other things that have also gone. No one knows me, "gets"me, or thinks I am as beautiful as he did. No one will tell me how lovely I look (even when I don't ) any more. No one calls me "darling". No one has my crazy at times black, sense of humour. I don't know anyone else who laughs at the same things we did. It's all those things that have gone too. No one comes in the door and immediately enfolds me in a hug.
Why didn't my friends comfort me?
