When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l hope a separate thread for this topic is ok as it is a big topic and if anyone else would like or need to talk about their situation to and how they're handling things or anything at all please feel free.

ldk where to begin but l suppose this time it really starts from my divorce about 9yrs ago. l've never really had as far as l know the actually illness of depression, it's usually been from a life period itself. l did try meds yrs ago but didn't like them. And at this stage, it is again just life itself. After divorce l wanted to be alone and work through things 4yrs or so but later l started trying to feel like life again.l started getting back into my few hobbies, and walked or jogged and getting out and about.Later managed to buy this house to stay close to my daughter and l met gf l've been with last over 3yrs now.lt's been mostly beautiful earlier, a few bumps but they ironed out. Later some serious legal drama she'd had got worse and she had to go interstate up home for them and we've been apart mostly16mths since. Future us wise, not so sure right now as she still has ongoing problems needs another 6mths and also depression and anxiety herself.

Well these days l just work on the house and outside a bit which l enjoy usually, forced right now though like everything. Do 1 or 2 hobbies, forced, get out most days to somewhere that l do like, l like driving my car and just getting out and about, but tbh, l don't feel like doing anything else,usually in bed very early, just pc ,too much, use to love movies but don't feel like them or tv. Still don't have any friends here, 5yrs, although l can't be bothered with many people one or two would be nice. Haven't worked at all this yr yet but l'll probably be going back for a few mths soon. l have a simple at home business not great money but covers house repayments and living, save a little bit. Great hrs though when l do work and leaves me lots of time which l like.

Things is, later side of mid 50s now, gf and l looking pretty unlikely, the rest, this is just not where l pictured being and tbh, l just don't feel like doing anything, bed 24 7 would suit me right now no problem. About the only thing l do enjoy unforced is seeing my d or getting out for a drive about. l am depressed, l hate where l'm at in life and l wouldn't have believed it 10yrs ago, with zero interest or mojo for anything really, just feel sad.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Yeah thanks em.

As l've said no worries there been onto that one 10yrs now, old news. look at the beautiful wkend l had, and you should taste this gorgeous beer l'm having right now after work , or see the magnificent spot we're fishing at later in the wk. And of course, you should see my whales and me having lunch, my view out the front with my morng coffees , and 50 other things.

Don't worry that one's been covered for yrs, have my ways.

And yeah of course for your kids, been doing that one 10yrs too.lf we're in a bad place it only worries and stresses them even more and we naturally deal with everything far better to if we take care of ourselves and find some happy too.

The turmoil well,it's not as bad as it reads none of it's any surprise like l said l just go in circles if l have to to work through things, rant on.  l am of course bloody pissed though you bet and really disappointed.

But yeppa , she will, she has a choice right now has had awhile now just keeps choosing the ha, it's not a gravel road it's a damn volcanic one.  

l'm just getting all this rubbish out of my head.

[Guest_1584]

Another thing l've known a long time now just hoped l might be the one comes out ahead.

But it's us and me here basically up against her son and his new baby in Sydney, l mean she's a grandmum now.

Andddd, she loves Sydney to boot but she likes it here too, they're in Sydney though that's why she's been trying to talk me into moving up there 12mths now l don't want to though and couldn't afford it anyway l live beautifully here for 20% of the cost. lf l did that tomorrow though she'd be all over it.

Half this stuff has been about stalling finding more excuses and staying near her son, hoping l'd come round.

That's another reason l'd wanted it to be her decision bc it's a very big ask and she'd only see them once or twice a yr from here. l can't blame her , brand new gd and all.

rx

[Guest_1584]

l wonder if l can can close a thread does anyone know ?

[Sophie_M]

Hey randomx,

Generally, we don't remove threads from our forums unless they are in violation of our member terms and community rules, particularly if they have had replies. When a post is made and people contribute replies, that becomes part of the shared community resource for others to benefit from, and deleting posts removes this opportunity. 

If you're concerned there's something about the discussion that doesn't fit with the member terms and community rules, the best option is to use the Report button and let the moderators know about your concerns. They'll always look into it for you and consider the options and what you’re hoping for as an outcome.

We hope that's helpful, randomx. We think this discussion is really powerful, and we appreciate the connections you’ve shared here and across the Forums, both giving support and sharing your story. Thanks for all the lovely things you do here. 🙂

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Guest_1584]

Thanks for that Sophie but nah none of those concerns.

lt's just going in circles and repetition, not really doing me any good l'm afraid that's all. l'll just leave it be then.

All best

rx.

[Guest_1584]

Well , tbh l'm starting to feel pretty damn angry at gf of late.

l knew it was a gamble just supporting her through her stuff time wise for me that 18mths, knew it. Bc l knew by the time it was all finished and she was free again , she'd either do a flip or be too worn out or something , knew it.

Should l have committed to her earlier in when she wanted to just stay and start our life from here , and do all her court cases from here instead, ldk.

But l also felt then it was just too soon for that kind of commitment considering her circumstances . l mean she could've been deported, she could've come out of it 100s of k in debt , or God knows what.

l was trying to protect myself.

l also felt as though l just couldn't trust things at that stage , her , this love, her stability and frame of mind , everything.

Committing to it back then could've made all that for her, but ldk, couldn't know. All l did know was that it just wasn't sitting with me , and it was too soon, and when l feel like that l'm usually right.

But l know now to there's a certain degree of not trusting us in her now too , bc of l didn't trust it back then .

But these decisions she's made this last few mtths that have put her where she is and in what she's in now, are just bloody crazy stuff. They make no sense and only make things 3x harder now for her , than things already were.  Andddd, they're at our expense and at the cost of our relationship and future.

l wish l could talk about them here, but that's not a good idea butttt, tbh, they just ridiculous and l still can't believe she's chosen them.

And how does she tell me only a few mths ago she has the love for me of only her son, and she's never felt that way about anyone, but yet nowwww, she not only makes those crazy decisions, but she also just basically casts us aside.

So what about this love, and the character of a woman that can say that yet a few mths later just throw it away.

l'd told her the main reason l couldn't commit back then, the very main reason above all the rest, as if they weren't enough but , was that l just felt l couldn't trust what she calls love - YET  !!!.

l said baby , if it's real , l will , but atm it's just too soon. And l was right.

What if l did back then now then ? She might've decided once all her troubles were over , something else , just like she has now.

rx

[Guest_1584]

You know , l would still be open to fixing things if say she could and did come down over Christmas , and she may do yet last we spoke.

But atm , l just don't feel like talking to her at all and haven't been a few wks now bc to me atm we are broken up. Bc you just can't cast us aside like this and l honestly also don't know how much credit l put to this MH things she's saying in that she doesn't feel like she can even be in a relationship anymore bc of it.

Well , on one hand l felt like that myself at one stage and l do know it can be very real, even with a good relationship. lt's in many ways still much harder being two than it is being one and answering to no one and just not having to deal with anyone else.

But the thing in this with her is , l know her l see her and l know for her to just be back here again and away from everything she is going through up there and dumping herself into , l can guarantee , she would bounce back. and actually even my daughter said that too , she knows the situation. But like that there, she'll just get lower and lower and lower, which is exactly what's happened and now she just doesn't even know which ends up anymore.

rx

[CMF]

Hi rx 

When I read your posts & hear your frustration & sadness 1 thing comes to mind -we can't help people who don't want to be helped & sometimes we need to help ourselves too.

If she keeps putting herself in situations that are not helping then there is only so much you can do. 

You need to focus on you. If she chooses to do these things & be in a mess it's not fair that you get dragged down too.

Easy for me to say, I know but I with you to be happy. 

Hugs

Cmf

[Guest_1584]

Hi cm  , there you are.

God yeah frustration alright, the rest l'm feeling more pissed off than anything bc it's ridiculous. One 1/2 wasn't her fault but that's why l couldn't go up last time bc l can't stay there but she wouldn't have time to go back and forth to hotels and cope with her stuff too until end of yr now. l still could've she'd try but it's be too much for her atm.

The other part though, mannnnn , that means l couldn't full stop now even if l wanted too now. But it's also just thrown her into the craziest situation, still just scratching head.

Anyway , l know those posts are just a mad jumble but it's hard not too, just getting it out of my head and been thinking about all of it and the should've l could've. Looking back though, l still can't see how l could've.

Thanks cm and yeah l am .

Hope you've been ok.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Wouldn't mind some opinion on some things if anyone happens to have any thoughts .

Do you think l should just leave it be and leave things in her court now?

We haven't spoken awhile now but the last few were me checking in with her , seeing she's ok and just talking abit.

Her maybe coming down over the holidays later though was her idea but after the last few times we've spoken and those coming from me , l've thought l'm probably best to just not be in touch until then now, unless it comes for her.

Any thoughts appreciated .

l mean l would still love her to come down. l know it would bring everything back for us , so l hoped to at least keep some small flames alight a long the way until we see about that butttt. l'm not sure if the lack of from her lately is more her just being  overwhelmed up there atm, bc she is,  or the combo of just giving up on us too.

rx