When depression isn't the illness, it's just life ?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l hope a separate thread for this topic is ok as it is a big topic and if anyone else would like or need to talk about their situation to and how they're handling things or anything at all please feel free.

ldk where to begin but l suppose this time it really starts from my divorce about 9yrs ago. l've never really had as far as l know the actually illness of depression, it's usually been from a life period itself. l did try meds yrs ago but didn't like them. And at this stage, it is again just life itself. After divorce l wanted to be alone and work through things 4yrs or so but later l started trying to feel like life again.l started getting back into my few hobbies, and walked or jogged and getting out and about.Later managed to buy this house to stay close to my daughter and l met gf l've been with last over 3yrs now.lt's been mostly beautiful earlier, a few bumps but they ironed out. Later some serious legal drama she'd had got worse and she had to go interstate up home for them and we've been apart mostly16mths since. Future us wise, not so sure right now as she still has ongoing problems needs another 6mths and also depression and anxiety herself.

Well these days l just work on the house and outside a bit which l enjoy usually, forced right now though like everything. Do 1 or 2 hobbies, forced, get out most days to somewhere that l do like, l like driving my car and just getting out and about, but tbh, l don't feel like doing anything else,usually in bed very early, just pc ,too much, use to love movies but don't feel like them or tv. Still don't have any friends here, 5yrs, although l can't be bothered with many people one or two would be nice. Haven't worked at all this yr yet but l'll probably be going back for a few mths soon. l have a simple at home business not great money but covers house repayments and living, save a little bit. Great hrs though when l do work and leaves me lots of time which l like.

Things is, later side of mid 50s now, gf and l looking pretty unlikely, the rest, this is just not where l pictured being and tbh, l just don't feel like doing anything, bed 24 7 would suit me right now no problem. About the only thing l do enjoy unforced is seeing my d or getting out for a drive about. l am depressed, l hate where l'm at in life and l wouldn't have believed it 10yrs ago, with zero interest or mojo for anything really, just feel sad.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Heyem.

Yeah she's similar her off's aren't l don't want you or us, they're she's too sick, worries bc l'm really energetic, thinks she'll be useless to me, stuff like that. But eh, this is a chick that samba's 2hrs straight, l've seen her do Aerobics 3hrs straight, it's just depression talk.

A future though yeah, l've gotta live too nothings cert.

You do gotta go easy on calls. We just whenever, 1 or 2 a wk, beautiful calls usually 30mins, an hr but she'll go if she has to or she's tired so will l. More so messaging but that's just whenever too, all day, no days, nights , gaps, whenever.

Thanks em.

[Guest_1584]

Talked on the wkend, be a lot easier if it wasn't just that damn nice talking to ea other again.

She still wants to come down just not sure if she can.lt costs a fortune staying there over Christmas hols, just for a hotel room. Cheap as to come here, house gardens out doors, and just us again, our real life, hope she can but trying not to.

rx

[Guest_1584]

l dont' have my cards anymore, they finally went into the fire l was giving them up.

But Kadezuz l would like to do a read right now l'm pretty sure somethings shifted l feel it.

Wish my d was here she could do me a read without me becoming re-involved with mine, but she moved over to a friends a few wks ago and took her cards with her bugger. So happy for her but l would really like a read right now.

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx, have you thought about getting an Astrological Natal Chart done? 
My dad became an Astrologer for decades and drew one up for me. It was SUPER interesting to research this, where the planets were in relationship to each other and how it affected me. 

Things have shifted. 
Apparently with one planet in some kind of aspect with another we've had more dreaming going on and other stuff. Alexa gets into it sometimes. 

This happened with both BF and I the past week. He seldom ever remembers his dreams but he's having frustrating dreams and remembering them. I was having nightmares until we got the clear for Rescue Poodle's tests last night. 

I want to start taking data. 
Not very nice but it's my go to in all areas of my life. 
When I take a break from daily calls, I think BF gets heavily depressed. 

Rationally speaking, there's little I can do about it. I can't keep talking for hours on end every weekend, it's too much. 
We have a 20 min call during my lunch time most days and that's plenty of time to exchange updates. 

Anyway this is your thread I'm hogging! 

I'm heading to bed early ish tonight. 
Have a great day tomorrow! 
EM

[Guest_1584]

Hiya em.

And your not hogging, plenty of room haha think we're the only to here these days everyone's lost.

bUT NAH IT's not that kind of shift and thanking the Gods l'm not dreaming man l hate dreaming. A shift in her, God knows she has enough of them but this one's a negative, not feeling comfortable at all.

l may go buy a new deck tom but my deck was with me a lot of yrs, it knew me , a new one begins again and you don't get the accuracy. l prob will anyway though haha.

My sister has done Astrology all her life too, she's not very good though no feel- but l didn't say that. She did do mine once but it didn't remotely relate to anything.

My cards are about the here and now, a question, in my reads anyway you can do all sorts but that's really what l need to see with what's going on atm tbh.

Oh well , l may get a new deck tom and carry them all day first, that can help. 

l could very much understand with bf, that stuff can be so draining and the Gods know you have enough on as it is and then the wkends go so damn fast, so valuable. Things with gf have been like that many times too of course but it's funny though we often don't touch those kinda things in calls we actually call for a break talk about anything and to just feel ea other again.

l wonder if he could manage that.

She actually prefers it when things are bad it really helps and picks her right up, just takes her away for awhile yaknow.

Good sleep anyway and a nice one tom.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Hmmmm, it may be planets are effecting her though.

[Guest_1584]

logically speaking she had 2 big total and massive changes starting last mond though too , and for sure they're alone gonna throw her so of whack again. They'll go this next 2 mths l don't for the life of me know wth she decided on one of them in the way she did it's just gonna make it so much harder- l didn't push it though.

[Guest_1584]

Well l bought that new deck this morng this feeling's just been eating at me.

l'd just call gf normally find out but with her massive wk didn't wanna bug her, we're supposedly on hold anyway right now anyway to so.

lt's saying pretty powerful love and happiness ha, they obviously aren't working yet too new. That'd mean this shift is back to us from her- assuming they're about gf, couldn't see that though with her new loads she's likely in even worse shape now, poor thing.

They're prob just be talking rubbish bc l'm certainly not seeing much big love and happiness on any horizon right now.

Feeling worn out myself actually with all this us Malarkey still going on, it's feeling like a lost cause atm a future now feels nowhere. With my d moving out a few wks back really drives it home too. Don't get me wrong l'm not one of these parents wants her staying home to keep me company no way, l'm so happy for her and to see her happy really hope it all goes well, better than well.

But that brothers also been down town mostly now 4 or 5mths with his gf and he's selling his place up here to now.

l dunno it's just driving it home of how much time l've wasted on the us thing when she's just been jerking around non stop the way she has.

Most guys would've ran of long ago.

Going to the mountains Sunday, don't fel in the mood at all to be doing anything right now though but l need to get out and away for my own good l think.

rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx, thanks for the Permission slip to hog YOUR thread! hahaha watch out brother lol. 

It's fun that you're into esoteric stuff. When you said you were going to buy a new deck tomorrow, I wanted to say immediately "Sleep with the deck first, under your pillow". Then take into the bathroom while you wash, washing the dishes... let them get to know you.. 
Then you wrote about it lol. 

Let them "warm" to you. Make friends with you. 

Right now I'm listening to something making me rather uncomfortable lol... the difference between "soul mates" and "twin flames"... by Matt Kahn "All for love" - that's the channel's name. 
It's pretty long winded, dotted with some humour thank goodness lol, BUT it's making so much sense to me RIGHT NOW in my life and you may find some self discovery in this talk too. 

My dad was really into Astrology. BIG TIME. He could take 2 Natal Charts and predict how the relationship would end, yep and approx WHEN too. He actually WROTE about my first 2 marriages in detail (even though he we never spoke of things, barely spoke to each other at all) because he drew up those fiancee's Natal charts by asking sneaky questions lol and comparing them. 
My step mother handed his notes to me after he passed and I was shocked at what he wrote, years ahead of time too. 

So they can be read by an experienced Astrologer for your present time AND if you had them draw up GFs Natal Chart then they could compare them. 
In the years before he passed, he was studying how to "progress" Natal Charts to find out the future for that individual and yep he predicted the timing of his own passing. 

Matt Kahn is now saying that any "twin flame behaviour" (which looks like discord) can motivate us to turn our love on to ourselves. The more we do this then twin flames dissipate and disappear from our lives. 
There's so much more. 

Good luck with the reading, I can't help but think the POWERFUL LOVE they were indicating was what you need to give yourself? 
Love EM

[Guest_1584]

hAA well there's timing, waiting on a call thought l'd take a look here.

l have process for a new deck, sped it up l needed a read today while feelings are strongest, so that should've balanced it a little. But nah they aren't about me.

Kagezuz though , would you really wanna read that from your dad, l'm sorry it wasn't better news it's a shame he didn't use it to advise and help.

Twin flames yeah,  l believe and souls but not from most of the writing about it, sorry.

But funny you mention that bc ex and l had the bizarrest things,blow your mind bizarre people don't even believe, well the few l've told. But yeah she was always reading all that stuff trying to figure it out wth was going on with us and like me she also had strong connections to her cards too. She was no gullible idiot either and a pilot so she was a smart cookie but for the life of her- or me ha, we just couldn't work these things out many were literally impossible especially put together. But all sorts of crazy feelings and knowings as well, the knowings were just insane.

Buttttt, we couldn't work us out with distance and moves, later on gf came along.

Well though thing is considering how unique ex was, and how unique and odd that's for sure l am, it was again incredible how similar gf and ex are. That still blows my mind too and yet from opposite sides of the world, countries and l'm from an opposite again to both of them, but yet some how.

pOINT was these two are as one off as it gets, yet so similar except with gf there's none of this spooky stuff that was always there with ex. wE are incredibly alike once again but it happens in a more typical natural way you'd say.

Ex , my God it just crept us out.

Now l've depressed myself