So upsetting...

Albert_247 · ‎10-11-2023

My life has been pretty rough, I mean I was bullied all during high school from 13 to 18, I didn't like my father's difference entirely, my diagnosis mis conception happened at 19 and I've been kept on meds for the last 9 years. I'm beneath this image of having a disability when I don't agree with my diagnosis, It's too unique and unbelievable to explain to anyone so I'm treated as indenyl or lacking insight. The health issues were 22 & 25, Then I had no driving independence till 26 because I didn't have any parents to learn with, plus hated all my driving teachers. I only could drive through having Centrelink, I never could advance my life without having any sense for which suitable jobs I would want to work, I never had vacancies with so much immigration and competition with society and with fresh high school kids wanting jobs too. I never wanted to be a apprentice or go to University, even with a interest in Nutrition I'm just not the study personality. I only had help to write the resume & cover letters after going through useless job recruiters but they are not much guarantee to get anyone payed employment. I never had a new group of mateship after leaving high school and I've had no experience with girls as friends or even socially or on a intimate level. I'm complete incel unfortunately with me, but I wouldn't feel like un able to speak to them, unless their really attractive. I had a dream to become a hobbyist musician, though I just had all that with high school, my dad and my mental health drama to deal with, while not having women, work, and a regular life it all ruined my confidence to do it since 14. Don't feel like my parents are on that journey or understanding to chase dreams, they played life more passive and safe and their a whole different personality to me. Now I feel like I'm failing at life or like a ugly man child and everything always felt out of my control, or that thing's couldn't be better given the circumstance.

Albert_247 · ‎31-10-2023

Thanks so much for your response white knight ( TonkyWK ) that is exactly what I needed to hear, I just needed to be told to put the past behind me and to stop blaming others to let them define my life. Yes the licence is not a major achievement for people, but it was definitely a few years of many issues with finding the right instructors and occupational therapists. I always hold my driving to my heart because of the diagnosis, worried if they go the other way and discriminate against our driving freedoms. Maybe not all mean kids stay toxic forever, but other people in the world or reality itself will put them to size, even if I couldn't at the time, someone else can make them feel worse or equal.

white knight · ‎31-10-2023

I like your attitude. Some of us, due to mental health problems have our learning held back so we have to make more effort years later to catch up. That needs a good attitude to grow.

Well done.

TonyWK

Albert_247 · ‎31-10-2023

Sorry Earth Girl, I guess I sort of generalised society that way, It's hard to ever sort of give a opinion on society because it's more generalising, for such a long time I said the modern world's difference effected my esteem, but If I was from the 1930's I would have such a worse life, even if their was other aspects that would be interesting. I just can't really reflect anymore on society as a whole because I will never know everyone. I just believed at least the younger generations are maybe more degenerate because of rap music.

Albert_247 · ‎01-11-2023

I don't enjoy my generation, because they are insecure with being Australian, they don't use real Australian terminology and slang and most of them want to speak with American or British accents, their also different with their preference on pop culture, I hate this feeling that I am a Zillenial whose trying to be apparently older and therefore cringe, when in actuality I'm just true with myself and like the idea of other generations to a degree.

Albert_247 · ‎01-11-2023

Yeah maybe at the beginning I wasn't mentally serious with learning, but for the majority of my driving challenges it wasn't about my own belief in my abilities, It was more disliking all the instructors and occupational therapists, either they were different ethnic and had a different personality to me and had trouble understanding them with their language barriers, otherwise I had to deal with my permit being briefly suspended, the instructors never used to give me a guaranteed weekly lesson and they always wanted me to drive after 4 pm, then I had to deal with two horrible O.T.'s until I found the one that I absolutely loved, I went through a handful of driving teachers until I loved the one I had, which was at the very end.

Ggrand · ‎01-11-2023

Hello Dear Albert_247,

Well done being true to yourself, that’s the best we all can do….

I was born in the 50’s and have seen different how new generation seem to live in different ways from when I was being raised…as I raised my children I learnt from them, yes a new generation and different ways of living (I suppose I could say)…I accepted that living styles change, some for the better and some for unfortunately the worse….Change is always going to happen in lifestyles….The best we all can do….is exactly what you’re doing….be true to ourselves….

Well done for being you..

My kind thoughts Dear Albert

Grandy.

Albert_247 · ‎01-11-2023

My life is tragic I am a victim with pharmaceutical medications that lead to me being diagnosed with pre diabetes at just 22 and to have a cholecystectomy 3 years later at just 25, I only got this because of the medication which is why I'm the victim to pity, especially being young when I'm supposed to be leading my best life

I am now turning 29 in March next year and I have only had 9 months volunteer in something I hated, I don't want University and I am not even eligible without having a Cert IV or because I finished high school with VCAL instead of VCE. I don't want any apprenticeships from TAFE based learning. The only thing I would try if I had to do anything would be a Certificate IV in Nutrition but I'm not mentally driven to do it. I am with a job recruiter and have no sense for any suitable jobs, we have hundreds of thousands of immigrants coming to Australia every year, and fresh high school graduates each year, the employers want either experience or some education to superficially appear better on your resume

In my late teenage years I made destructive stupid suicidal mistakes, I went through this obsession with a girl who was such a rare attraction to me, that I went insane with myself and then eventually after making these mistakes three times over three years, because the infatuation was a long time, I ended up having a Psychiatrist wrongly initially diagnose me with psychosis and then at 19 in 2013 she gave me a wrong diagnosis of Schizophrenia. I have disagreed since the beginning, but they invalidate my feelings and undermine me as lacking insight, They don't know my personality or my motives behind my suicidal mistakes, and I've been carrying the truth on the inside for over a decade while they just egotistically think otherwise.

This diagnosis ruins my chances to even have women wanting to date me, Everyone looks at me under some perception of disability or going through life harder with challenges, when I don't even have Schizophrenia.

Since I got bullied in high school & until my early twenties, and after my lack of direction and having the diagnosis drama and health tragedies, it all ruined my confidence to pursue my creative music dreams I've had since I was 14. Also my father was toxic during the high school years due to financial stresses

If I never had Centrelink I wouldn't have my driving independence, saving's or anything I've bought myself in the last decade, It's the only experience I've had.

randomxx · ‎02-11-2023

Hi there op and sorry to hear of your struggles .

Your observations are right though so just know that it isn't you.Those things are happening in this country especially with the younger ones, l've noticed it a lot.Often your not even sure what their accent actually even is and l cringe at some of the US terminology l hear around these days.

There's threads about the Americanism creeping into this country in some other forums and your not alone.

l don't mind the UK European side of things, it's all basically our mother lands but the Americanism is that damn disheartening these days especially in the younger but it's in older too and especially media. Yet reality is that it's one of the maddest and extreme countries in the world and with the highest rates of just about "everything", on the planet truth be told and it's absolutely nothing to do with us anyway. So wth they even want to adapt their rubbish is beyond me.

l agree with grandy , good on you mate for knowing who you are , seeing through the bs and sticking to your guns.

rx

randomxx · ‎02-11-2023

Gday again op.

lt's great your driving and have managed to save , well done mate so give yourself a pat on the back for those , and for your awareness too your ahead of the pack right there in many ways too bc so many just aren't.

But mate somewhere here much older than even me let alone you said once the pasts are yesterday now and can't be undone, but tomorrow is what matters now and the future- or something to that effect. Thing is, it's so so true.

Your still young mate you can get into something , workwise and passion wise. l'll say one good thing about stuff these days, even if you don't like this or that way, there are so many different ways to learn a craft and opportunities now, or you could just suck it up and use one of the tafes or whatever it might have to be, to just do your time learn your thing and then your out and done.

Your a smart guy with a whole future ahead of you, you could still apply yourself to something once you decide what, look forward.

and ps , there's also many many people all through this forum and life to actually, with all kinds of disabilities that are married or have gf's or bf's and you will too, just need the right one.

All the best. rx

Albert_247 · ‎03-11-2023

Thanks for both your responses randomxx, It's just been a lot of unfortunate situations, always having my dad with faults and narcissism, then going through school people from 13 till 24, then being diagnosed and never agreeing to then becoming pre diabetic, also not wanting any apprenticeship, University or feel passionate for retail and entry jobs are even hard to get without superficial net work and experience. Knowing that I could only have my materialism, saving's and driving independence because I was ONLY given Centrelink because of the diagnosis that I don't agree with.