Im not coping

[Captain T]

Hi all. I just need to get this out somewhere. I am in a very dark place. I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest and have so much emotional pain yet feel numb at the same time. Im alone and lonely. I hate myself and who I am. I am so tired of fighting to get well and when I go to bed I pray to not wake up. I can’t keep going on like this. I need to get better

[vitality]

A friend found the book Self Help For Your Nerves by Clair Weekes good..an older book, still good for panic attack help etc.

Another series of good little books are by Bev Aisbett eg Taming the Black Dog - A guide to overcoming Depression...libraries can be a good resource & gives you a peaceful place to visit.  A survival plan is good...maybe make a list eg visit library...walk to park...go for a walk...start short & build up to longer...visit swimming pool if you have one...watch a movie....etc

Many find colouring in relaxing...nice pictures can be downloaded free & you just need a pot of colour pencils & a pencil sharpener.

Journaling is good..write to a person you might feel angry at, best not to send it...rip it up & bin it..works for many.  Brainstorm..2 columns on paper-

negative thoughts in 1 column & positive thoughts in another column.

Knitting is good for PTSD - post traumatic stress disorder..

Watch self talk..eg what we tell ourself...wear an elastic band on yr wrist, not to punish yourself...just a reminder when you have a negative thought..flick it & just allow the the thought to enter & leave your mind Change Your Thinking book by Sara Edelman is very good...as is SOS For Your Emotions.

Have compassion for yourself.

Practice gratefulness...helps ward off depression..daily or nightly, write down things your grateful for.  Take 1 day at a time & your resilience can build up.  Wishing you good health & happiness..

[Captain T]

Feel really really low. I hate myself and everything about me. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I’m just too gutless to do it to myself. So I guess I am safe. 

[ecomama]

What's going on? 

Are you able to stay online and keep posting OR look around on the forums for some good threads to talk on too? 

Love EM

[Sophie_M]

Dear Captain T,

We're sorry to hear how low you're feeling tonight, and hard tough it is for you right now. 

We know you say you are safe, but we've still reached out to you privately anyway. 

Whenever you're struggling like this, please don't feel as though you have to do this alone -  don't hesitate to reach out straight away to call us on 1300 22 4636, or connect via webchat at any time (24/7). It really can help to have a chat as well as receive the support you do here on our beautiful forums.

(Rembembering there's also lifeline and the suicide call back service as well)...

Most importantly, if you ever feel as though you are at risk and unsafe, don't hesitate to call 000, or present yourself to your nearest emergency department.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M.
 

[Captain T]

Thank you for your concern. I have taken my meds early so will be off to bed soon. 
I don’t know what is wrong and why I feel so so dark. 
I am safe. 

[Petal22]

Sorry your feeling this way Captain T

Challenge these thoughts 

Build your self up 

[smallwolf]

Hello.  I hope I will be able to chat with you tomorrow. It seems things are weighing heavily on you at the moment. And I am wondering what you are thinking about. You have a story that is worth listening you. You matter.

[therising]

Hi Captain T

Perhaps one of the most common statements in depression or variations on it is 'If only I knew'. 'If only I knew exactly what was causing the sudden downshift. If only I knew then I'd know what to do to change things. I'd know what it is I need to be managing'. Sometimes I think the not knowing is just as torturous as the feeling itself.

How much easier would it be if you had a standard list of questions to ask and the questions that were most relevant produced an audible 'ding' when you hit on them. 'Does this relate to something that happened yesterday? Does it relate to something that happened last week? What about factors that have been happening everyday for a week or more?' Ding. 'Does it relate to a single person? Does it relate to a number of people?' Ding. 'Are a number of people around me bringing me down? Are a number of people doing nothing highly significant to raise me?' Ding. 'Is this contributing to somewhat of chemical imbalance that I can actually feel?' Ding. 'Was I tolerating an imbalance and now it's reached levels I just can't tolerate?' Ding. 'Has all this been a lead up to what I can only now feel?' Ding. And it goes on, with all the questioning and possibilities, with alarm bells going off, leading you to better understand a multitude of alarming factors (not just one possible factor). Unfortunately no audible alarm bells, just a lot of wondering when it comes to getting to the bottom of things.

Sometimes we can feel what's wrong. Kind of like you can't hear it but you can feel that 'ding' in a way. Can I feel this belief raising me or bringing me down, my job raising me or bringing me down, my partner raising me or bringing me down, my environment, my levels of mental/emotional exhaustion...?' and so on. Do the dings/feelings feel high pitch or low pitch? In other words, do certain factors in life feel like uppers or downers?

Even more complex is feeling how everyone else is feeling. You can be fine until you find yourself surrounded by a number of stressed or down people. Then you're feeling how everyone else is feeling. You're feeling them, yet can be convinced there's something wrong with you. Ever done that, sensed the energy of the people around you and it's just brought you down with a sudden thud?

[Captain T]

Sorry I’ve been absent. I’m still really struggling to get through this enormous rough patch. I have been trying but I just feel I just let it run it’s course maybe it will life. Hopeful with out any permanent damage and with out any more harm to myself. 

Just wanted to let you guys know I’m still here

[Petal22]

Glad you are still here.

Keep going Captain T you are getting through this rough patch.

Remember that you will have good days and bad days it’s all part of recovery just keep going!

Have you been able to challenge your thoughts?