Im not coping

[Captain T]

Hi all. I just need to get this out somewhere. I am in a very dark place. I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest and have so much emotional pain yet feel numb at the same time. Im alone and lonely. I hate myself and who I am. I am so tired of fighting to get well and when I go to bed I pray to not wake up. I can’t keep going on like this. I need to get better

[Petal22]

Hi Captain T,

Thats ok 😊

I can feel your excitement through your words and I’m so happy for you.

You really do deserve all of the happiness in the world and you really are kicking major goals in your life including this beautiful new mindset you are creating in this present moment.

Thats you doing that Captain T your creating yourself a re newed mind by feeding it with positive things.

“ What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our minds.”

Keep up the great work Captain T and keep building your beautiful mindset.

I LOVE seeing your positivity it’s truly beautiful ❤️🙏

Have a lovely day.

[Captain T]

So my excitement was sort lived.. I just tested positive to Covid… 

I woke up still feeling good but then about lunchtime I started feeling flat and tired so I thought I’d do a RAT and then bam positive. 

At least it was me have a backwards step. 

[ecomama]

Oh dear Captain T, that's a bummer testing positive for covid. Just a pause, that's all this is, a pause. 

Great job doing your lawns for all those hours lol! Perfect timing. 
Now you have a lovely view from your house whilst you recover. 

I'm glad to hear the meds have been helping your mindset so much. 

Looking forward to hearing from you when you're able. 

Take care! 
Love EM

[Captain T]

So for being a bit quiet.

I have spiralled back down to rock bottom.
Hoping it’s just a slip up but not really coping with it at the moment. Hopefully I get through it safely. Not really sure I will at the moment though. 

Just thought I’d check in. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Captain T,

That's ok, no need to apologise. We're here, and we're happy to hear from you. 

Hmm, it sounds like a pretty difficult moment. We're sorry you're finding it tricky to cope right now. It's good that you're sharing this, and thinking about how you can stay safe. Do you have a safety plan you could look to to support you with this?

Keeping those around you and your treatment team up to date is a really important step. If you're not sure who to talk to about this, please give our team a call. We'll help work out some next steps for staying safe. We're on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach us online.

If at any point you feel you may be unable to avoid acting on thoughts of self-harm or suicide, it's really important to reach out. For crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. In an emergency, always call triple zero (000).

We're sure we'll hear from the community soon once they spot your post. 

Thanks again, Captain T. It's so good that you could share this update here. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Captain T]

Thanks Sophie M

Things are quite difficult but yes I have all plans and also my MH team are all over it. Thanks for checking. I am trying really hard to maintain my safety. 

I have to get out and walk at least once a day and it’s been approved by the local Covid care team.  

I’m just hoping it’s the isolation and being quite sick with Covid. 

Thanks you so much for your concern. 

[ecomama]

Hey CT, sorry you're going through a tough time. HUGS! WE can hug via the forums at least even if you have covid. 

I'm glad you've been approved to go for your walk. 

Are you able to do some kind things for yourself? 

Are you watching calming content? I found the silliest YT channel on "Little Britain", so ridiculous! 
LIGHT stuff for you is what Dr EM is suggesting. 

Hope you can get back to us very soon, 
Love EM

[therising]

Hi Captain T

I'm hoping covid doesn't impact you for too long and you're able to manage your way through it in a short time. I may sound like a bit of a crazy women but I've found learning to listen to and talk to your body (through your imagination) offers a unique perspective and experience. Something along the lines of 'I love you, my immune system, as you help me through this. I know you're probably going to end up exhausted with all your efforts, so I'm going to take care of you and recharge you at the end of all this'. What do you imagine it saying back to you, if it could talk? I smile when I say my nervous system screams at me sometimes. Kind of like 'What the hell are you doing putting that much coffee into your body?! You know I don't cope well with this much caffeine. What are you trying to do to me woman?!'. Then it leads me to feel how it feels (highly agitated, incredibly hyper). It gets rather chatty when I stress it out 😂. I figure, if we've got a great imagination, it pays to use it constructively. I imagine your immune system's drawing on a huge amount of your energy right now, while it's requiring all the energy it can get under the circumstances. Kick back, let it do its thing and then treat it like the superstar it is.

I can completely relate to something you mention. I suppose you could call it a bit of a rush period at times. It's where you rush to research, learn and make sense of everything that will help facilitate your evolution, personal growth. Doesn't have to be rushed, btw. It's a period of inspiration, where you breath in knowledge because you know when a down period comes, you won't be able to do it quite as well or at all sometimes. It's about grabbing onto what you need to know. Reminds me of a merry go round actually. Around you go on those horses, up and down. Your job is to grab onto the golden ring when you're on the rise, on the next go round. I've found life is more like a merry go round than it is a roller coaster. Around and around we go through the challenges that test and strengthen us. If not for the golden ring moments, they can simply feel like senseless go 'rounds.

[Petal22]

Hi Captain T,

Sorry to hear you have COVID.

I hope you are ok?

Please remember a down day doesn’t mean you haven’t made any in progress it’s just a down day…..you are moving back up the scale as we speak.

Keep persevering Captain T.

Eventually the good days will out weigh the bad days.

[Captain T]

Last night was pretty rough. I did SH and once I started I didn’t want to stop so I did call a crisis number and got some help. I am so ashamed of the place I was in. However I have woken up to feeling better

I know I have let myself and you guys down. I am so sorry. I do blame being sick. I hate that it feels like I’m only outlet when things go wrong.  Now that I have released the pain maybe I can move forward again. 

Thank you guys and I’m sorry to fail you once again 

I am safe at the moment