I am scared

[guest75]

I am so scared of next tuesday

I know I have done everything asked of me in the temp IVO, i have not contacted Tara even though every impulse i have in my body wanted to

I have done everything I can think of to improve myself (Meds, Psychologist, Enrolled in Mens Behaviour Change Program, Given up drinking coke, working on mensline anger management worksheets, writing stuff to get it out of my head, have a job and an interview thursday for one much closer to home, gotten a myself a car)

What happened at the start of december knocked me to the canvas...it has taken every ounce of strength i have to get myself back up and to the point where i am now.

If it goes bad next week, i know i dont have the strength to fight back again, i dont even know if i want to fight back to be honest

Im scared...so so scared and its making me feel sick

[Lillybell]

Hi Matty, I can understand that you would be worried about the outcome. Look how far you've come though. You should feel really proud of yourself for doing all that you've done. There were many times you didn't think you would get through each day, but you have and I admire you for that. I hope that Tuesday will give you the outcome that you want.  

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi Matty,

Given the situation I think it's perfectly normal to be scared. COmfort youself with knowing that you have done everything you could. You managed to more than just get back up. You managed to show that you have changed and I don't see how Tuesday could go anything but well for you. I am so proud of what you have managed to achieve.

Regardless of how things go, we have your back. Keep us informed on how you are going.

My thoughts are with you.

GA

[guest75]

Thanks for your words and support Lillybell and GA it is appreciated

I just got back from an appointment with my psychologist, who worked on a lot of relaxation techniques with me.  She helped me to deal with (not forget about) my stresses at the minute, as obviously im going to stress, but i need to learn to put it to one side and get on with what im doing

[Neil_1]

Hi Matty

It’s ok to be feeling this way … it just shows out to us how much your family mean to you.  And we’ve known that all along anyway.  Feelings of being scared, of being sick and no doubt feelings of nervousness I guess will just increase for you as we get closer to next Tuesday. 

Oh if only we could find the Delorian, get the necessary amount of jigga-wotz into the flex-capacitor and travel forward in time to next Tuesday evening – but alas as that was just one of Steven Spielberg’s brain child’s (and a very good one), we mortals are left to our own devices. Devices such as the dreaded four letter word that begins with “w”.  And I hope for the time being Matty, that the work that you’ve picked up is going ok for you.  I hope it’s kind of occupying you to a large degree.

With regard to what the result will be next week, this is something that is just way out of your control … and I know this will be difficult, but as much as you can, if you can push it to the back of your mind, that is going to help you so much.

I tell you though, since you were laid flat on the canvass, you weren’t counted out … you got back up and you have continued to punch away and even get stronger as the rounds have gone on.  I would think now that you’ve got the upper hand and come next Tuesday you’ll be sliding a beautiful right hook through that will knock your opponent out cold. You’ll stand victorious in the centre of the ring, arms held aloft, and shouting out, (no not “Yo Adrian”), but you’ll be shouting out, “Yo Tara, I did it”, she’ll make her way to the ring and enter and you’ll embrace, in a fashion that would almost seem like your first ever embrace.

The rest as they say in the classics, is history and long live Matty, Tara and family.  🙂

Kind regards

Neil

[guest75]

Neil

You have an amazing ability to make me chuckle, not just in responses to me but I read what you say to others, and quite often it makes me laugh or smile, which is always a good thing

You are also obviously a big movie buff? I liked your references to Back to the Future and Rocky.  It has inspired me to watch the BTTF trilogy 🙂

I tell you though, if i had access to a delorean, i wouldnt be going to tuesday afternoon, i would be going backwards to try and prevent the hurt i have caused to my family, to prevent this situation from ever happening.  I never used to be a an angry horrible person, something changed in me over the years, i would go back to then

Its funny how you describe the final scenes of Rocky, and its kind of how my optimistic side sees it happening, that its dismissed and Tara and I hug in the courtroom, i dont think it will happen that way though, im not even sure if she will be there or not.  I am meeting with a solicitor tomorrow afternoon, so hopefully he can shed some light onto what happens, whether she will be there, can i talk to her, can i give her that letter i posted on here last week

Anyways, thanks for the chuckle, it did make me feel a little better thank you 🙂

[geoff]

dear Matty, those words that encourage you to go on from all of those that care about you is heartbreaking.

I know about your worry, it's something that any of us or in fact other people that are in the same situation would also be in the same position, but your change is something that has to be taken into account, you have shown that you really want to make amends, and those terms from Tara will be made, but that's OK if you have the chance to reignite the relationship that would be a starting point.

I can't take this nerviness and doubt away from you as this is expected, but you have to make sure that you have listed the changes that you have made, and if you can get professional support this will increase your chances.

There's always this doubt that really bugs us, so please think of your positive mood which you will need for a decision to be made, because if you go in depressed, lonely and sad then this will go against you, if you know what I mean.

You can raise to the occasion, we know and you know yourself, your kids will be there wanting the love from their dad, because as you know they love you so much, as you do for them, as well as Tara. Geoff.

[Jo3]

Hi Matty

I just want to say that I am thinking of you and hope things work out for you with your wife and family.

I'm sorry I'm not much for words today, feeling a bit flat and teary.  Sorry I can't say anymore, just that I am thinking of you.

Take care,

Jo

[Neil_1]

Hey Matty

I’m pleased … (reference to your last sentence).  

 I do enjoy movies, but moreso the good ones from years gone by … and me being me, I tend to watch things over and over again – much easier to learn lines from the movies that way. 

Yes yes, of course, you’d take the Delorean backwards and not forwards … that makes heaps more sense.

 It’s very good that you’re meeting with a solicitor tomorrow … jot down things you’d like to check on or ask … and find out as much as you can for what’s to take place next week.  Do you have a nice suit to wear?

Stay with us here and post away at any time you feel the need.

Cheers

 Neil

[guest75]

Hi Geoff,

I dont intend to go in looking depressed and forlorn, but I have trouble lately talking about the kids and this situation without getting teary, even talking tp my psychologist this morning i started crying when this got brought up.  I am worried i will start crying while trying to talk to the magistrate...

Jo,

You dont need to say much, just knowing people care makes me feel better, knowing i have support here if things go badly

Neil,

I too watch movies over and over and can recite Ferris Buellers Day Off word for word, without the movie even being on!

I am making some lists now for my solicitor, listing everything that has happened (like tara telling mum she didnt want to do this etc) and everything I am doing to improve etc

Yep I have a suit, doesnt get much use other than job interviews but will definitely be wearing it for the court date...