Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[Guest_4643]

I'm not in danger, just having thoughts. I'm not at risk of harming myself or others. Thank you though Sophie_M.

- Tayla

[Guest_4643]

I'm ok Sophie_M, I'm not in danger and I'm not going to do anything. I have these thoughts often. Thank you though. Sorry if I worried anyone.

- Tayla

[Guest_1643]

hey Tayla

this has happened to me many many times.
I hate it. I've had unpleasant experiences with most hotlines.
I've also had very good ones. I'm so sorry you feel very let down by it. Please realise it's not personal. They sometimes aren't good. If you feel they are rude to you, would you feel comfortable to quickly end the chat if its online (no reason needed) or to simply hang up if its on the phone (no reason needed).
There are good and bad ones out there. I'm sorry they weren't supportive for you. I'm really impressed with how you keep help-seeking. You're showing amazing self care and strength. You are worth getting help.

[Jstar49]

Hey again Tayla,

we haven't really chatted cos I'm only new here but your name keeps popping up and I really feel for you.

What you say about seeing people having fun and feeling... what was it? like you're not any good at making friends? Gosh I know that feeling, especially when I was younger. And I don't want to sound all old and wise and sh..t but, I really like myself now! I have found that I am a bit different from what I think is the majority, and that's ok, cos y'know what? The majority of people can be pretty sucky sometimes.

Life can be very shallow out there, and for those of us who are deep thinkers, or maybe we've got some heavy stuff to deal with so that later we can do what it is we're here for- helping kids in need, or saving the whales or writing the next pop song thats gona inspire our young girls to be strong and resilient, whatever- then it can be hard.

Hang in there, count your personal strengths and joys, and do something nice for yourself everyday, at least. You deserve it. Big hugs,

Jstar

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I am so sorry you have found helplines not very helpful and some people rude.I got hung up on by lifeline once.I was crying to much and she just hung up on me.I never ring a helpline again.It just made me worst.Their are probably good ones out there and caring workers but after having some bad experiences I won't bother again.I know what it is like being alone and having no friends.I can never make friends and know I never will noe.You are a genuine nice caring person and can hold your head high.

Tale care,

Mark.

[Guest_4643]

Hi all. Sorry if I worried anyone and for my late replies.

Sleepy21 - I'm sorry you've had bad experiences too. I usually just end the webchat. Thank you for the kind words. I unfortunately have no choice but to keep seeking help even though I keep getting rejected. My GP & Psychiatrist keep nagging me to get a Psychologist but they, especially my Psychiatrist as he's in Sydney, don't understand how hard it is in a small country town, even with bigger towns nearby. Ugh.

Jstar49 - hello, nice to see you here and thanks for popping in on my thread. Yeah I have no friends at all, I even struggle to make friends online, which is one reason I wanted to join mental health forums. I'm sorry you feel the same and struggle with that also. People act like it's so easy to make friends and that everyone will be your friend but unfortunately that's not true. Big hugs back.

Mark - thank you, and wow I'm sorry to hear that Lifeline hung up on you. I haven't had a problem with them personally. I'm sorry you struggle finding and making friends too. You're a genuine, nice, caring person also, as are the rest of you here.

Big hugs to everyone.

- Tayla

[Jstar49]

Hi Tayla,

It's sad to hear you say you have no friends, none at all. And I don't know you at all, so I can't dispute it, but maybe you have friends, somewhere, but they're busy a lot? And so it feels like you don't have any friends. Or maybe you're a bit shy and feel uncomfortable talking to people, so you think they don't like you? I don't know, but I know I've been in places where I felt like I had no friends, and then all of a sudden I had so many friends that I had no time for myself, and then it changed back again. Now I have a couple of friends, and other people who are something different- not friends, not enemies, more like, people I share the planet with. Sometimes when I am at home working on a project for a while, like in school holiday, I kinda forget how to talk to people, which is a bit alarming. It's easy to get rusty. Its good to have somewhere you can just talk to people, like this forum, or maybe a gardening group, just to keep the social skills polished up.

What do you like doing? When you were well, what did you like to do?

I have a friend whom I see once a year. Once, we went for 5 years without talking, and then when we saw each other again, we picked up where we had left off. It's an amazing friendship and I feel blessed to have it. We met when I was 24.

It sounds like you have friends here who care about you.

Big hugs

J*

[Guest_4643]

Hey Jstar.

No I really don't have any friends, but thank you. I seem to have lost interest in everything unfortunately. That's good that you have a nice friend.

- Tayla

[Jstar49]

Hi Tayla,

It sounds like you're having a really hard time atm.

Would you like to talk about it?

Big hugs

J*

[Guest_4643]

Hey again Jstar. Yeah I am.

My Psychiatrist & GP keep nagging me to get a Psychologist, I keep explaining to them how hard it is and that I've tried everything, even before COVID - in person, Telehealth (I see my Psychiatrist through Telehealth, even tried some of the Psychologists on that website too), Headspace, and so forth. They don't bulk bill, take new patients, etc. They just keep telling me to try and they're not understanding. I feel like I'm just repeating myself, and they, especially my Psychiatrist as he's from Sydney, don't understand. I know they're trying to help but I wish they would put themselves in my shoes so to speak. I live in a small country town and even in the bigger towns locally, there's no help.

I just feel like I waste my GPs time so I cancel a lot of my appointments, sometimes I want to cancel my Psychiatrist appointments too. I don't know what to do.

I have insomnia which is annoying, and PTSD and flashbacks. I did a Mindspot course and asked many times if I could do their PTSD one but the lady constantly kept arguing with me saying I don't have PTSD and was faking it just for attention, when its actually one of my diagnoseses and I have heaps of evidence.

I feel discriminated