Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[Guest_4643]

Hi all. I wasn't going to come on here but I have some things that are bothering me & I guess I wanted to get them off my chest, & maybe get some advice (I mean friendly advice, not professional, I will discuss this with my Psychiatrist when I see him, & my Parents are aware). I also read all of the comments above, thanks.

Anyway, one of my "friends" online (from America) attacked me over messages on Facebook last week sometime, just because I was saying that I was suicidal. I'm safe yes but I was just saying that I don't feel like being here & whatnot. She has said that to me, commented that on stuff I've shared/posted, & I have NEVER been rude or attacked her, nor would I ever do that to anyone feeling that way. She was in that position & I tried talking her out of it.

We had a bit of an argument, she said some harsh things like I was being manipulative which I wasn't. It really hurt & it made me feel completely worthless & like trash, like I'm supposed to keep everything bottled up & they want to hide me from people they know, like I'm not allowed to speak. I have been nothing but supportive to her & everybody.

This has made me really depressed, hurt, & more suicidal (I'm safe). Not only that but she's been posting stuff about sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking (bongs & cigarettes), she's 19. Yes people are entitled to do whatever they wish & post whatever they like, but it's making me uncomfortable.

Ever since she broke up with her boyfriend (who I'm also friends with), she's been different, & attacking me. I had nothing to do with it, I've been trying to support them both without taking sides. I told the guy what happened & he basically took her side. I feel like none of them want anything to do with me, & I have been nothing but supportive to all of them.

I know people have their own ways of coping but its making me really uncomfortable & some things she shares are triggering. If I try to tell her, she attacks me. I feel like she's getting really toxic lately & blaming me when none of it is my fault. I'm thinking about cutting her out of my life but then I'd feel bad & I'm really confused.

Does anyone have any suggestions, in a friendly way please? Like I said I will ask my Psychiatrist because it's really been hurting & bothering me, I don't know what to do. I'm worried I'll get attacked by the others too if I delete her or not.

And does anyone else think it's really hypocritical that she can post about being suicidal etc, but I can't & get attacked?

[Guest_1643]

Hi tayla, fights with friends are hard, and even more so online, so i understand

It dosn't sound like she's trying to hurt you but just trying to express herself through a hard time, which i think can be talked out. But I don't know the situation properly and i think sometimes its through having tough talks that you see if a friendship is worth saving or lot. After afight or a disagreement, some ppl will run or bail and others will apologise, try to understand and work through it.

being right sometimes isn't so important if you want to save a friendship. walking away is always a good option if the friendsip becomes toxic, which i'd say is when someone really doesn't want the best for u, and is either using or manipulating you.

[Guest_4643]

Hey.

Things seem OK now regarding the situation I posted above. My mental health is all over the place, I don't even know anymore. I'm sorry I posted it, I regret it. Disregard it if you wish, Thanks.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tayla,

hope u feel better soon and nothing to be embarrassed about, its okay to write whatever you need. Take care,
Sleepy

[Guest_4643]

hi all. sorry about my recent post here.

just felt like coming on to vent i guess. i was bullied yet again, for no reason, in a Facebook group for one of my favourite shows, well a group for one of my favourite characters/person actually. i politely asked if i did something wrong as i felt ignored, was blocked by an admin, then my comments, even welcoming new members, kept getting deleted. so i left both groups.

then i made a post in another group for the same show, saying i was bullied, & i hope it doesn't happen in that group. most people were nice, but one person kept saying i was a fake person & profile, asking how long i've been on Facebook, saying there was something off about me & the post. i see his point, i shouldn't have asked or posted, i regret it. i'm stupid, i don't think & i'm out of it a lot of the time.

it may sound like an exaggeration and nothing to be upset over, but it really hurt me. admin where that person was saying those things banned them though. i've been bullied my whole life in person and online.

i'm trying to forget it but with me being so sensitive, it seems and feels impossible, and i just keep overthinking it and blaming myself.

i wish i was never born, honestly. i'm safe but the suicidal thoughts are just too much. i'm back at square one with my Psychiatrist being the only professional i have to talk to - once a month, for 20-30 mins. no one else.

i can't even use helplines. i can't and don't want to go to hospital (i've considered it but i'm not allowed, by the people who work there, beyond me as to why).

i feel so alone and i just can't handle anything anymore. i'm barely eating, staying up late and sleeping in, walking, and thats basically all. i don't leave the house much. i never really do but more so lately, except to walk.

i have an appointment with the continence people again as they called asking why i haven't called them back, i really don't want to go, that stuff is depressing me also.

i just wish i wasn't here.

[Sophie_M]

Hey mb20lover,

Thank you so much for updating us on how you've been going. We're so sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you recently, however you showed so much strength in seeking support from your psychiatrist. It sounds like it must be really upsetting and frustrating that you're feeling back at square one with intense thoughts, but please know that extra support is always here for you, as often as you need when things are feeling like too much to cope with. We are currently checking in with you via email with some extra support.

We'd also urge you to keep reaching out to our Support Service (1300 22 4636), as well as our friends at Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800), Lifeline (13 11 14), or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), whenever you need a bit of extra support. We think you are so strong Tayla, and our community are here for you.

[Guest_4643]

hi Sophie, i replied to your email.

[Guest_4643]

question: do you think i should discuss that with my Psychiatrist? i haven't told my parents yet. my Psychiatrist always asks me if anything's bothering me, what i've been up to, how i've been feeling, meds, etc.

i know it sounds like i'm overreacting, and yeah i probably am, it just really upset me. i only go on Facebook to check out stuff from my favourite bands and singers, talk to a friend interstate & check out her business, & my US friends.

[Guest_4643]

is anyone around? I feel like I need some support tonight.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Tayla...🤗..

I’m around for a bit longer if you want to talk...

Are you okay lovely Tayla?

Grandy