Do antidepressants make your life less stressful?

[BlissfulPilgrim]

I know some people suffer from depression as a chemical imbalance, and others are depressed because of their circumstances. If there is no imbalance, then it is unlikely antidepressants will help. Or do the drugs just make you numb so that you learn to just put up with the situation, rather than dealing with it? Like brainwashing, instead of fixing the problem you just learn how to put up with the suffering in a socially acceptable way.

Then throw in the therapist for good measure - they can tell you how even though your life is stressful, you are just dealing with it wrong. Maybe I am not dealing with it wrong. Maybe I just have TOO MUCH STRESS. What can a therapist do about that? How can a psychiatrist make your life less stressful just by talking about it? Talking doesnt change the circumstances. All the psychotherapy in the world wont make people any nicer, or the world a better place to live in.

[BlissfulPilgrim]

I wish people would take me seriously when I say my life is stressful!

Comments suggesting that my stress is "perceived" or that I just haven't been "responsible enough" or that I am just exaggerating or being dramatic because I want attention are just another way of people saying "your problem is not my problem, you find a way to deal with it, I am not going to change anything I do and dont ask for help because your problem isnt really important and I have done enough the rest is up to you".

If people think so little of me, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. 

[Unbeliever]

It seems that you really have been giving it some serious thought... that is good. This is how it all starts. You have even started considering the "2 years from now" future you. If you are as intelligent as I think you are then I bet that one day she will be extremely grateful to you for that.
I totally get that finding employment is hard at the moment, and trying to put aside even small amounts of money from government benefits is damn near impossible (believe me I know). You obviously understand this intimately and even forcasting your life into the immediate (2 year) future you realise the extreme limitations of your current path.
I know that this thought makes your circumstances feel even more futile. But the truth is that this is that just understanding could be more awesome than you realise...
The majority of people in similar circumstances to you currently will never understand what you have already worked out for yourself. That the path you are on and where it is headed is completely unacceptable to you anymore. In both the short term and the long term. Many people do anything they can to avoid thinking about it, which means 10 years from now there is a good chance that their circumstances will not have changed one bit.
But if you can fully embace it (and all the anger and frustration and strong emotions connected to it) and then USE it, harness it into the motivation you need to change where you are headed currently (which few people ever manage to do)... this is how you will free yourself from this cycle of crap you find yourself trapped in.
I wont sugarcoat it, it is a long path and difficult... but it can be done. But only if you decide now that the way things are headed for you is not "good enough" anymore and start planning to take control back over your own life.
Utilise all the assistance services available to you now in any way you can. But not as a way to just maintain your current existance indefinitely as so many others do... but as a launch pad to escape out of it. Get the free groceries and transport tickets from the Salvos, do the free online courses from gov providers, cash in the 10c bottles and cans, cut back on the bad costly bad habits and squirrel away any small change you can for your "emergency housing fund" for "future you".
You want control over your own destiny? Then make your plans to take it. Make sure that future you doesn't need government assistance or to rely on anyone else.
Be your own saviour. That IS "control".

[Unbeliever]

Blissful Pilgrim,

I just saw your last post. I've written you another response but it is under moderation at the moment.

I just wanted to say that I hope I haven't written anything to upset you. Everytime I write responses on this forum they are usually far over the "word limit" so then I have to go back through it and cut it down to the acceptable letter count.

This means that for my comment to make sense I usually have to delete much of the context in sentences which results in my posts being far colder, lacking emotion and more clinical than I would like and far more open to misinterpretation (I end up never liking what I post as a result... they are just a shadow of what I want to say at best).

So, what I'm trying to say is that I believe that your stresses are real and are not "perceived". When I talked about responsibility I didn't mean "blame" I meant control and I certainly do not think that you are exagerrating or being dramatic in any way.

And I believe that your problems are important.

I apologise that I was not able to make those things clear.

What strikes me most about you is your obvious intelligence... which is something that I respect more than most things.

I certainly don't think "little" of you. Quite the opposite.

[BlissfulPilgrim]

To Unbeliever,

What you describe as "control" is an illusion. It is sounds like you are suggesting that I learn how to accept what is nothing better than slavery. Man cannot live on bread alone. The scenario you describe is not sustainable. That is why I used the word fantasy.

[BlissfulPilgrim]

To Dools,

Since the goal here is to find solutions without medications and without
getting overwhelmed I will share my experiences with share housing so
you can understand my point of view.

My first time was when my mother kicked me out I lived with my boyfriend
in a caravan park for two months. Until he got bored. So he moved into a
house. With another girl.

I slept on the verandah at my mothers house for a few weeks until I
moved in with my grandmother when I was 16. It was a 1 bedroom unit - I
had a mattress on the floor in the loungeroom.

Then I rented a room with a family while I worked 3 jobs. Lasted a couple of months.

Shared a place with my step father for a while when I went back to
school. He wrote a letter to me complaining about, amongst other things,
the smell of my shoes at the front door of our upstairs unit.

Got a job interstate. Mum was happy to help me move. I got a temporary
room at a youth refuge - 10 hours away from where I grew up. My house
mates stole, amongst other things, all the jewellery my mother and
grandmother had given me (basically the only things I had of value).

Shared a house while I was working. Asked the flatmate to look after my
kitten while I went home for christmas and when I came home it had run
away. Later found out, she had given the kitten to her sister as a
christmas present.

Then I got pregnant and moved in with the father closer to home. He left when our son was 2 months old.

I shared with my brother for a while, it didnt work out.

Stayed in a caravan in my mothers yard.

Shared with my step sister.

Shared a house once where I had a room for me and a room for my son. We
both had our own mattress on the floor. I remember sleeping with 2
quilts and 2 sleeping bags and a beanie and socks in winter. And the
house was so dirty I literally had to vacuum the walls. And the yard
with the dog was so bad I could not go to the clothesline.

Then the I found a cleaner room in a share house. 3 weeks after I moved
in the guy decided to move back to Perth and I had to leave.

Shared a caravan again for a few weeks.
The first time I was in the same house for 2 yrs while I was in a relationship. Til it ended.

(Deleted about 400 words to make post fit)...
Now I am in a long term relationship again and have been in the same
place for over 3 years. I also haven't worked in more than 2 years,
which is unlikely to change at this stage.
I've got my fingers crossed.

[Doolhof]

Hi Blissful Pilgrim,

I don't have the words to respond to you. I have not walked in your shoes nor lived in your dwelling places.

Dools

[BlissfulPilgrim]

Dools,

That's OK. I'm really bad at this getting stuff of my chest game. I need practice. Thanks for listening.

[Allan533]

The way it's been described to me is that antidepressants don't fix the problem, they just give you breathing space while you come up with strategies to manage things like stresses and perspectives. Yes, sometimes the issue is that you are literally overwhelmed with obligations and stress! But then maybe you can try to figure out ways to reduce that load when your brain isn't stuffed with anxiety/depression chemicals. I don't want to be patronising and suggest ways that might happen in your situation - you know that better than I. But things like finding people to bear some of the obligation load, or just letting some go.

I've recently started medication, and I can say that I don't feel numb or like my emotions are limited. It's more that the downslide spirals just don't happen as fast or as often, and they are somewhat easier to redirect/interrupt, which means I'm better able to deal with the situation in front of me rather than just shutting down. But that's just my experience.

[Doolhof]

Hey Blissful Pilgrim,

Express yourself any way you can. It can be hard to know what to say when you may feel so totally confused and out of control of a situation.

I just don't know what advice to offer you that will help. I live in a house. I have food on the table. I have a warm and comfortable bed. I don't have to worry about where I will be living next week or next month. Finances are poor and my husband keeps having his hours cut at work but we are still managing okay for now.

I have lived in a tent, in a caravan, in a flat with a mattress on the floor, one bowl, one cup, one plate, one set of cutlery one box of Weetbix and powdered milk as I had no fridge. That was over 30 years ago. Maybe it was easier to move on way back then. Less expensive maybe. I don't know!

I really do hope you find some solutions!

Cheers from Dools

[White_Rose]

Hello BP

I have caught up with the various responses to you and I find I am confused about what you want or expect.

Thank you for telling us your story about accommodation, it sounds horrible. Situations such as yours makes me wonder how well I would cope in your place. I think the answer is not very well. I see Unbeliever commented that it sounds as though you are expecting to break up with your partner. Is this correct? It was the way I read it also. I can understand your anxiety if this breakup was about to happen. Hopefully it's not the case.

To go back to your original question, do antidepressants make your life less stressful, I think several people have given their opinions. For me, after many years of trying different meds with various unpleasant side effects, I have finally found one that does help me to be less stressed. AD do not take away the problem or reduce the urgency or importance. What AD do for me is help me to think more clearly and rationally. We know depression messes with our brains, so regardless of the difficulties we face it is less stressful to have a more realistic view of what's happening.

I do not suggest that problem solving becomes easier or that we sit back and smile at the world while our problems settle into place. When we become more calm, whatever is happening in our lives can be addressed more realistically. This is the point I want to make. The only person that can change our lives in any way is us. We can get lots of advice and observations. We can talk to trusted others and listen to their ideas. In the end it comes back to us. What are our resources and skills and how can we use this knowledge to our best outcome.

Mary