Depression

Depression affects people in Australia every day. Share your own story and learn about other member’s experiences with depression.

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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
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Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the discussions in this section of the Forums have been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here! Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
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I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
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Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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bug35 Feeling trapped
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I've been living with depression most of my life and it seems at this point it is at its worst.Have been on antidepressants for 20 years. Started having trouble coping with work, a job that was an uncomfortable working environment but was holding it ... View more

I've been living with depression most of my life and it seems at this point it is at its worst.Have been on antidepressants for 20 years. Started having trouble coping with work, a job that was an uncomfortable working environment but was holding it down purely to survive.I saw the GP and was put on a SNRI antidepressant and instructed to keep taking my original SSRI antidepressant.Lasted 3 days and could not handle the side effects.Then tried another SSRI antidepressant, was instructed to stop the original SSRI antidepressant after starting this. Lasted for 1 month on this new one and was getting lots of fatigue, was having trouble staying up after work to do the things I enjoy, if I went to bed early I would wake up feeling worse from over sleeping and frustrated from losing relaxing time. Just seemed to be working and sleeping.Started to take days off work here and there. Then Decided I had enough of meds and stopped the medication, was sick of living in a foggy state of mind and experiencing fatigue all the time, thought a break from meds would help. Managed to get to day 46 and the withdrawal symptoms seemed to be gone, but my depression worsened and I was taking even more days off work. Was referred to a psychologist. In desperation I saw the GP again and was put on a starter dose of another SSRI antidepressant, even on this small dose the side effects were horrible, could not handle it at all. Was starting to have episodes at work where I would feel light headed, could not make decisions and had to sit down for long periods of time, these could have been anxiety attacks. I have since left the job as I couldn't cope with it, of course there are going to be problems with paying the bills soon, which is making me worse. Have been seeing a psychiatrist and been put back onto my original SSRI antidepressant gradually, 25mg for 4 days, 50mg for 3 days, now am on 100mg and have been instructed to go up to 200mg after 7 days.The idea of being put on this one again was the fact that its the most neutral with the least side effects for me. The psychologist has tried to help me avoid thinking traps and to try and get a proper sleep routine. But I can't seem to get one.Whats happening now is I cannot stay up a full day, or find things to fill the day as all the things I used to enjoy do nothing for me. Or I get these attacks where I go light headed with strong fatigue/depression/anxiety/fear and cannot stand to be awake. Have tried over the past 2 weeks: walking daily, eating regularly, taking vitamins, trying to keep myself busy but this gloom keeps coming back and making me shut down.I did have one day there where I stayed up for a full day doing things, but then had trouble sleeping. Since that day my "awake" hours have been reduced down again, more each day, had to take a nap only a few hours after being awake but the last two days I have slept for the majority of the day as a way to escape this horrible feeling. Today I got up early and really did have a good shot at it, went for a decent walk, and did some stuff around the house but after just 4 hours of being awake the fatigue and light headed feeling came back. Decided to lay down for an hour but stayed down for 2 hours. When I woke up I was supposed to go and see family but had another one of these attacks and had to lay down again after about 15 minutes.Have since slept for another 4 hours waking up approx every hour, not being able to get up. Fear is a big factor with these attacks, I get scared of facing the day and even more scared when the attacks happen. I just want to be able to stay up for a normal day, have a regular sleeping pattern and be motivated again like I used to be. Have been depressed before but never this bad, this is horrible.In the past 2 weeks I have had suicidal thoughts most days, but don't have the guts to do it. Feel trapped in this depressive void. I really feel like I'm sinking into a black hole, desperately trying to claw my way out but nothing is working.I try and try again but just keep sinking back down. Just had some dinner as I know I have to eat, now have a headache and just don't see the point in doing anything. The only thing I do look forward to is going to sleep again as its not painful like being awake. Am at a loss on what else to do.

MattJ Not Waving, Drowning
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Hello. I've been struggling with depression for far too long, and tried to get professional help earlier this year. 6 months of counselling didn't help, and my coping mechanisms of binge drinking, binge eating and lying to myself and others have stop... View more

Hello. I've been struggling with depression for far too long, and tried to get professional help earlier this year. 6 months of counselling didn't help, and my coping mechanisms of binge drinking, binge eating and lying to myself and others have stopped working. On top of this, I though being unfaithful to my wife of 13 years would help, unfortunately, all that's done is end my marriage. I'm no good at maintaining any relationships, as such I have no friends (and as of 7 hours ago, no wife) to talk to. It's too difficult to talk to work colleagues about my mental health due to the stigma this attaches to you. To try something different, I've booked an appointment with my GP tomorrow and will ask advice regarding psychiatric treatment. Previous therapy has also indicated presence of alexithymia so I don't know if this has complicated any other therapies in the past. All this has come to a climax today, and I don't feel anything. No anger, no anxiety, no remorse, no shame, nothing. Just a void of emotion in a listless existence. The only good part of the story is that the void has created a calm spot to tread water for a moment - unfortunately, I'm to far out to sea to make it back to shore. Most definitely drowning, not waving.

Salba How do I get out of the spiral of Doom?
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Hi Guys I'm new here. I'm in my early thirties, have a 4yo son and a 7 month old daughter. I live with a partner who works away from home for 12 to 14 hours a day and a couple of years ago he was made redundant and we had to move 800km away from all ... View more

Hi Guys I'm new here. I'm in my early thirties, have a 4yo son and a 7 month old daughter. I live with a partner who works away from home for 12 to 14 hours a day and a couple of years ago he was made redundant and we had to move 800km away from all of my established support for another job. I started getting symptoms of depression when I was 11 and was first hospitalised as suicidal when I was 15. Since then my life has been alternating between feeling numb and getting by to various stages of not doing well to full blown crisis. I have never hidden my illness from my partner but he doesn't seem to be able to understand. He thinks that because he spends so much time at work he shouldn't have to do much when he gets home. He calls me lazy in front of his kids from a previous marriage and then wonders why they say it too, and makes sure I know he resents having to help out with housework. I have had issues with sleep for as long as I can remember. I have always slept better during the day than at night and lately I've hardly been sleeping at night at all. To make it worse, my partner uses sleep deprivation as a punishment. last weekend he actually said f*** you b**** when I told him I was going to have a nap. I feel like I am failing my kids because I am too tired to do anything. I know eating well and getting exercise can help but how do you start when everything feels like too much effort and you have no support. I used to ride my bike In the afternoons to get a little me time and some exercise but I can't even do that now because my son clings to me like a limpet and screams until I get home if I leave without him. Things are getting on top of me and the thoughts of suicide are coming every day now. (Yes, I know what to do in a crisis and I know when I need to seek help and do so) I just don't know where to get the practical help I need when I live in a little town at the back end of nowhere. Sorry this got long Sal

cassvonnegut Helping someone through
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Hi, I'm new to this but need some help. I'm trying to help a friend through a really tough time. It's tricky because we used to be in a long term relationship. We have a wonderful, close friendship and there's no bad blood stemming from our having br... View more

Hi, I'm new to this but need some help. I'm trying to help a friend through a really tough time. It's tricky because we used to be in a long term relationship. We have a wonderful, close friendship and there's no bad blood stemming from our having broken up, but needless to say it hasn't been easy. I've come through depression myself and have managed to get on top of a lot of it through counselling and lifestyle changes and meditation. My friend is trying a lot of the methods I've used and has made progress, however a new relationship in his life has been really traumatic and difficult for him. He's naturally a very sensitive, honest and caring person and I fee like this is being taken advantage of. I don't know how to help him realise he's worth more than he thinks and get him to realise this girl is going to continue to hurt him rather than help him. I want to help him move towards things that will make him happy. But now he's saying he wants to go overseas for an extended period of time, which can be an amazing life affirming experience, but I feel like he's not seeing it like this but as a means of escape, like he's running away. I'm worried that he'll become more isolated and withdraw more when he's away from the people that care about him. He has such little confidence and it's become worse since he's been with her. How can I help him realise he can't run away while remaining supportive of his choices and aspirations? I don't want to lose him, I love him too much.

Mares73 Falling apart-losing control over my thoughts
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Hi there again i saw my psychiatrist yesterday and explained to her I was feeling very low-things I would usually do on autopilot such as get the kids ready for school and make their lunches-I was now at the point where I couldn't of had the energy t... View more

Hi there again i saw my psychiatrist yesterday and explained to her I was feeling very low-things I would usually do on autopilot such as get the kids ready for school and make their lunches-I was now at the point where I couldn't of had the energy to argue with them if they didn't want to go. That is SO not me. Having something ready for dinner each night-I completely forget.The lists of things I have to do are growing each day. I mentioned ACT therapy to my psych and her reply was that I knew the theories-what I needed was some practical help with things I have to do.She was concerned enough to ask if I would consider going to hospital for a break-but I couldn't do that to my kids right on Xmas.I don't have any "support" people. My husband just gets frustrated. I am finding it hard to wan to get out of bed each day. And my psychiatrist says this is because I have no enjoyment in my life, only things I "need" to do.She says given the amount of trauma I have experienced in my life there are bound to be effects to my self esteem, confidence as well as a fear of the unknown.So now I'm confused-am I so traumatised that therapy wouldn't help and just stick to seeing the psych every 3 months or do I drag up my whole past and go over it again using a different approach? I did email a Professor I found who specialises in ACT and she couldn't see me but gave me another name. She did state however that treatment would be very difficult and traumatic at times.I really don't want to relive my experiences-especially the ones involving child sexual abuse by my father and a priest and a "stranger" rape several years ago.I wish I could feel "normal" whatever that is just for a short period so I know it's possible to feel it again.Being defined "treatment resistant" and on a high dose SNRI coupled with 2 augmentation medications-an antipsychotic and a stimulant-AND feeling this bad is quite frightening. My self esteem is at an all-time low.I wonder who I am and where the "real" me has gone. I don't think I can go on like this much longer. I've always been able to stop myself from self harm by telling myself how important I am to the kids. Now I just feel like a complete failure at everything and don't know what to do-the kids might be less affected by me if I wasn't around.Sorry-a really dark desperate day. Mares x

Teddas Cant face today
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Re: my other post "complicated life. I have found great comfort on this site but today am faced with going to work and having to see a woman l care greatly for ignore me and happily get bon with her life. i am a mess and really dont want to take thos... View more

Re: my other post "complicated life. I have found great comfort on this site but today am faced with going to work and having to see a woman l care greatly for ignore me and happily get bon with her life. i am a mess and really dont want to take those steps backwards again. might just spend day in bed as now everything is piling in on top of me. scared l will loose my job if l take much more time off as the past b6 months have been horrible. now crying again. so sick of this rollercoaster

Suzbj I Don't Deserve Hapiness
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With things in general. My life since five years old. Please don't misunderstand me.I have every reason to count my blessings. I have great friends over these last few years, I am no longer alone although at times I am very alone. I hide my depressio... View more

With things in general. My life since five years old. Please don't misunderstand me.I have every reason to count my blessings. I have great friends over these last few years, I am no longer alone although at times I am very alone. I hide my depression. I hide PSTD which is real.I don't know how to survive but I will.

vip Need some advice please
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Hi everyone listen need to get this problem off my chest here. I have recently lost 9 kilos and i have another 15 to go and honestly ive had a complete makeover since ive been off the medication the bloating look on my face has gone and people around... View more

Hi everyone listen need to get this problem off my chest here. I have recently lost 9 kilos and i have another 15 to go and honestly ive had a complete makeover since ive been off the medication the bloating look on my face has gone and people around me are noticing and saying Vanessa you look gorgeous whats happened how come you didnt look like this before. Its just a 360 with the way i dress makeup ect. Anyway i have had a bit of a delemma with guys making passes at me and all of a sudden coming up to me staring its just bazarre its happening at every place i go too. Im feeling reallym depressed believe it or not about it and i feel dirty and violated like what do they want and im so defensive saying straight out im married and i have a child and i have mental issues i dont want anyone to compliment or look at me or stare at me and i dont trust anyone . I actually have a cry when i get home . I know this all sounds so so silly but i hate being complimented and ive always been like that if it makes sense and sometimes wish when i was bigger with those tracky pants on and tshirts it was safe nobody even came next to me . Ive really become protected and i protect myself from all this hurt. Can anyone relate to this or understand this ? In some way i dont want to let go of the depression it actually protects me .

victoriak Support is important
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I guess I just want to know if there's anyone else out there suffering the way I am.My life has been pretty much doomed since the start of my life, I never really had anyone there, i'm not adopted, or abandoned or anything like that and actually from... View more

I guess I just want to know if there's anyone else out there suffering the way I am.My life has been pretty much doomed since the start of my life, I never really had anyone there, i'm not adopted, or abandoned or anything like that and actually from the outside looking in, it looks like I have it all.I guess i am lucky I have a house, food, water, clothes, a few luxuries and all those things most Australians have but I am so sad and alone, I have nothing to live for. Not many people know about my depression, I've been heavily depressed for about 2 years now and im currently 16. I think even as a child I had sadness because of the way I was treated.The people around me who really know what is happening and who know exclusively about my depression think it's a joke. When my depression started getting really bad 2 years ago, I had alot of support, mainly from my boyfriend because he was the only person I really talked to about it.Lately, I have no support, none at all, i keep getting told that i'm a bulls@*! artist etc etc etc and it hurts because what I'm feeling is real, I don't want to feel this way but no matter what happens I do. I guess if you're reading this you need a bit of background info. I have never met my biological dad, i don't even know his name, my mother mentally, psychologically and emotionally abuses me, I don't have any siblings, I don't have any close family.I dont recall a happy childhood, I remember spending most of it alone, I never really had any friends, sleepovers, birthday parties to go to and that hasn't changed since i've been in high school. I'm pretty much a prisoner in my own home. I'm never allowed to go anywhere, the handle on my door has been removed so there's a hole to spy on me through.This is the work of my mother. This is only one of the many things she does. She never really treated me this bad and i guess i fell into heavy depression after a certain incident which involved her. 2 years ago i snuck out of home to see my boyfriend, who is a muslim australian.At first the problem was that i snuck out but coming from a fairly narrow minded family, the thought of having a muslim boyfriend horrified my family especially my mum. I have been called a terrorist supporter, a sex slave, a stupid slut, a gullible traitor, ive been told that im getting used and despite all that I ever backed down because I did love him and i still do.Truth is he is so gentle, calm and beautiful inside and out. The respect I have received from this relationship is crazy and it's set me up for life, I know how I should be treated.I have been through counsellors, psychologists, you name it i've been but my mum still doesn't care about my depression, she is just so convinced that i'm doing the wrong thing when honestly i'm probably one of the most innocent 16 year olds you'll find. I've tried to kill myself all up 4 times, coming narrowly close to death a few times, it's probably a miracle that I'm still alive. I've been extremely brief about why i'm depressed but honestly it's just so long to explain.I just needed to do this to get as much as I can off my chest and maybe someone out there is going through the same or maybe someone cares. I self harm and it's strange because I never ever would've thought that i would be as depressed as I am.2 years ago I would've never imagined myself sitting on a bathroom floor everynight, crying till I self harm. I never thought this would've been me at 16 years old. I'm supposed to be having the time of my life right now instead I find it hard to get out of bed some days. Everything that "normal people" find easy to do like brushing your teeth or showering has become something that is the hardest task of the day for me. It's easy for people to say to me 'talk to someone' 'talk to your bestfriend or your boyfriend or your family' but i have noone.I have realised that for someone suffering depression support is important. So what happens if you lose that support and you no longer have it ? I'm not a bad person, even though I couldn't see my boyfriend, I tried to give him as much love and support that I could but i never really got anything in return. I'm not going to lie at the start I did, the days were easier but now everything has turned so sour.The problem was that I got too attatched and now I'm convinced the only way that I will be happy is if I'm with him. If you've never been in love you won't understand, not even I can explain it. With depression love is hard because you're so sad although you know that you should be happy and then you just fill yourself with insecurities and jealousy and sadness and clingyness and then that just becomes too much for the other person.You know it's your fault but shouldn't they understand and still love you and nurture you and care for you no matter what ? I dont completely understand depression. I know why I'm depressed. I know what it does to me. I just don't understand it. i often find myself saying 'why me'.

JCliff My Story - talk to people about how you are feeling
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I have been thinking about posting up on here for some time and have finally built up the courage to do so. I guess the only place to start is that I am 27 years old and have been suffering from depression since I was 21. I have done it all when it c... View more

I have been thinking about posting up on here for some time and have finally built up the courage to do so. I guess the only place to start is that I am 27 years old and have been suffering from depression since I was 21. I have done it all when it comes to self medicating and it wasn't until early this year that I started to actually get better and feel better. My depression stemmed from being pretty self concious about myself and my appearance to full blown hatred in everything that I saw in myself. As we know the dark pit is deep, and it is often extremely difficult to even stand up and face a morning let alone a full day. I soon became very good at acting and pretending to be happy around friends and family, when in reality I was a train wreck on the inside, waging a war against my emotions and all the things I believed in. This is when the lieing started and didn't stop until earlier this year when I attempted to take my own life. I spent the following days after it in the mental health unit trying to figure out how to get myself out of this mess that I had gotten myself into before I decided it was time to tell the truth. Not going to lie, it was extremely difficult and confronting but it has been the best thing I have done this year. I am still working on a lot with my phsycologist and currently taking anti depressants which have helped me greatly. But the reality is my honesty with my amazing girlfirend, family and friends was a huge step for me. I stopped being afraid of what they would say and finally admitted to how bad it was. I can't put into words how much I love these people and could never repay them for the help they have given me. I still find it hard sometimes but I do reccomend to talk to people about how you are feeling. It's daunting and difficult to verbalise but it could help, I know it did for me.