I feel like a loser

chociloni · ‎29-12-2013

I am in a really bad situation. I find it really hard to get out of bed in the morning. Ive been unemployed since June of this year. Since being so poor I have foolishly maxed out my credit card, (i wrote another post about this, and no I didnt put the whole 10 grand on there in 6 months, I would say more like 5). Ive had to move out of my house because I couldn't afford it, that was about a month ago now, Im living with my parents and theyre driving me crazy. They live in a smaller town about a 4 hr drive south of Perth. As soon as I decided to move out of my house though I actually got short term work in the town my parents live in. However I do not like it here, and its going to be quite sometime before I get myself out of this financial mess.

I am 36 yrs old and still deal with heavy depression and anxiety, have been since the age of 15. Ive been single on and off for 3 years, I actually just broke up with a guy a month ago but just after 4 months of seeing him. He ended up being involved with someone else and was very dishonest, which added to all of my woes. 3 years ago I lived in Melbourne, which really Id prefer to be living there, but I had to come back due to depression and anxiety issues. I feel my life has no hope. My only outcome I see is evenutally moving back to Perth, but I hate Perth its really boring and conservative, and is becoming too expensive because of the mining boom. I dont see myself ever meeting anyone in Perth. I dont know whats going to become of me if I cant go forward and accomplish my dreams because of debilitating depression? I have to stay comprimised living in Perth because of this. I feel like a loser. I dont have problems attracting men it's just that the men in this town arent really ever my type, I dont mean to sound superficial...but nothing interests me anymore in Perth. I am so lonely and I dont go anywhere. I have therapy and take meds but all they do is keep me alive, I want to feel things and have a real life. I dont know what to do.

Neil_1 · ‎30-12-2013

Hi Chociloni

Thank you for coming on to this site ... and for giving out the information you have about yourself. That's a great start to help yourself to try and move forward. The first step is always the longest stride.

But I have to say this ... at the top of this page is the crisis hotline number: PLEASE write it down and please call them. I'm straight away concerned for you about how your thoughts are at present and how you seem to be in a really bad place. Please write back to say that you've called this number ... they will be able to assist you. We can support you as much as possible via this site, but for what you're experiencing at the moment, you need to please speak with a professional.

I'm so pleased to read that you've got medications and are receiving therapy as well. That is a huge plus for you and please keep doing that.

Financial problems are a huge part of depression and a cause for depression. And when it comes to money matters, I have done some awful things with money as well.

Is there no way that your parents could possibly help bail you out of your financial troubles and that you could work on some sort of plan to pay them back over time?

I feel two strong positives coming out of what you've posted ... firstly that you said you lived in Melbourne and you enjoyed living there. Is there no way that you could possibly return to Melbourne? I know it would be extremely difficult under the current circumstances, what with little finances behind you; but did you meet people there that could perhaps help you out (with accommodation for a little while till you find your feet?) I'm not sure of your quals, but what kinds of work are you interested in? With Melbourne, there are hundreds upon hundreds of coffee shops or restaurants? That might be a foot in the door for you, to start off with?

The 2nd positive I read was that you wrote about not being able to accomplish your dreams because of this awful depression (I was going to write debilitating but I didn't think I could spell it .. but hey, I just did) 🙂 🙂 Are you able to share what your dreams are? It would be really nice to hear them ... and even for you just to list them out; put them down and see them in print.

I hope my post has helped in some way for you Chociloni ... even in just a small way.

Please write back and let us know how you're currently doing?

Kind regards

Neil

Mares73 · ‎30-12-2013

Hi Chocoiloni, firstly it's great you had the courage to reach out on this forum. You must be experiencing real challenges with your current situation & the fact that like so many of us-you have to deal with these challenges whilst experiencing a very debilitating illness by way of anxiety & depression. Neil has said mostly what I would say. Your message seems to strongly indicate that you would be much happier in Melbourne. It's one of the worst things being around family who don't understand the the symptoms & challenges of depression. Re your financial difficulties there are several charitable organisations who can support you & advocate on your behalf to come up with a manageable plan to pay back your debts. I was in that situation once & the Salvation Army came to see me, talked through my worries & debts & then communicated with the organisations I had debts with on my behalf. This was so great as one of my greatest anxieties was phoning these people & not knowing what to say. I had similar debts to you & the Salvos organised $10 wk repayments with no interest. It was the best thing I ever did. You just need to ph charitable organisations & ask if they have someone who advises on budgets or financial matters. Some are the Salvos, St Vincent de Paul, Smith family & a range of others you could do a web search on "charitable organisations financial advice Australia" or something similar. It sounds like living with your parents is compounding the problems or creating further anxiety. As Neil mentioned, I would strongly recommend you see if you can stay with any friends in Melbourne & returning there might in itself improve your anxiety, unhappiness & low confidence. Another positive is that it is probably much more likely that you would find employment being in a major city. Please keep in touch if you can & pls if you do start to feel so low that you are thinking about suicide often-please phone Beyond Blue who are trained in mental health & are available all day & night. You are never completely alone even though you feel it at the moment. I too (suffer from depression & severe anxiety)often avoid leaving the house & avoid things to the point that I don't answer my phone or open mail. It's awful being so lonely & isolated yet I fear situations so I avoid them. Yet I'd love to have people who understood me to talk to & to visit etc. I'm craving social interaction yet my fear is holding me back. Through your message you have shown that you are an incredible courageous, resilient & strong person who has endured a lot & who can get through this next stage. I know your self esteem is low & your feeling hopeless at the moment-but those thoughts are part of depression-they are not you. I hope you can just focus on getting through a day at a time, seek financial support & consider if there are any possible ways you could return to Melbourne. You are in my thoughts & I hope you stay in contact. Hugs x Mares

chociloni · ‎30-12-2013

Hi Neil,

Thx for responding. I feel really isolated here, and its like my parents are monitoring everything I do. The credit card debt is like this heavy weight around my neck, I wont be able to make any decisions about moving until I feel it is atleast halved. I have an appointment on Jan 8 for financial counselling, and they will help me write out a financial hardship letter and hopefully some of the cc fee will be waved.

Im seeing a psychitarist tomorrow, my gp here thinks I might need mood stabilisers...I dont know, Ive never had much faith in psychitarists.

Juliet · ‎30-12-2013

Hi Chociloni,

I am in a similar situation.. living with my parents at 35, I left my job about 8 months ago because I just couldn't manage it. My boyfriend and I had planned for a while to move out together this month but ended up breaking up about a month ago because of my depression. I feel completely trapped by my situation and don't know how to get out of it. It is very stressful living with my parents because I just feel so guilty because I am ruining their retirement time when they should be relaxing and not stressed about me. Also it is So hard to live with your parents!!

Anyway, just wanted to let you know I am here in Perth in the same situation!

With your credit card debt I am wondering if you or someone can call the bank and at least put the interest charges on hold for a while and maybe agree to a payment plan? I had someone tell the bank my situation and they did agree to this for me.

Hugs to you xxx

Juliet

chociloni · ‎30-12-2013

wow Juliet, thats an uncannily similar situation! yeah Ive called the bank they have suspended the repayments for one month..

Hugs to you too xxx 🙂

Neil_1 · ‎31-12-2013

Hi Chociloni

That's some awesome responses from both Mares and Juliet ... (this is just the best site).

I hope that for some of the suggestions Mares made, it might go towards helping you to ease that financial debt to a level where you may be able to venture away from where you are ... to hopefully greener pastures.

Again, it's the first step and you've already taken it ... and they don't have to be big steps. Just little ones, but we want you to keep moving forward ... even if only a little.

Cheers

Neil

chociloni · ‎01-01-2014

well I went to see a psychitarist and they say what they always say...no changes, I will just have to go through the thick of this trouble.

Neil_1 · ‎01-01-2014

Hi Chociloni

Was this the first time you've seen this psyche? By the sound of it, it doesn't sound like you've struck a repoire with them? That's always not a good feeling when you come out of a session and you come away feeling like it was kind of a waste of time (and no doubt, money). I think there's so many of us who've been through that.

But having had this, this doesn't help you much (nor with your thoughts/experiences with psyches).

I'm not sure Chociloni, but on this site, could you possibly look into seeking out a psyche that is recommended by Beyond Blue? Because I'm sure that they would have trusted psyches that would be able to hopefully assist you. This I think is still important, that you can find someone who is close by and try to get the professional help you need at this time.

I'm gonna have a think about other things in the meantime, and I'm sure you'll have other people to respond to you as well.

ps: I wrote in an earlier post wanting to know your dreams? Oh, although I did follow that up with only if you felt like listing them down ... silly me. I'll shut up now.

Cheers

Neil

chociloni · ‎01-01-2014

Hi Neil,

Im not sure if you know much about dysthymic depression? Although it's low grade depression its one of the hardest types of depressions to treat with meds...as most meds are tailored towards severe depression...the psych said that my problems were situational (which I know) and he thought playing around with my meds could cause me even more problems atm, which I agree with. Me and psych's dont usually go down too well, ive only seen like 3 a couple of times over about 10 yrs, and they always tell me Im not the kinda person who needs a psychitarist, yet here I am.

I have dysthymic depression plus an anxiety disorder, plus problems from childhood which I need to work out. I dont mind sharing my dreams / long term goals with you...but I feel a bit embarassed putting them down here...Ive already been told by bb that we cant contact each other directly.