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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the chats on this Forum having been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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kingsalmon reaching the end of my patience
  • replies: 8

I'm 24 and I was diagnosed with major depression 7 years ago and I've tried all different kinds of medication and seen all different therapists and counselors and psychologists and..... etc. Nothing has worked, in all these 7 years nothing has worked... View more

I'm 24 and I was diagnosed with major depression 7 years ago and I've tried all different kinds of medication and seen all different therapists and counselors and psychologists and..... etc. Nothing has worked, in all these 7 years nothing has worked and I'm sick of my life being wasted. I want a career and a relationship. I want to stop hating myself. I want friends. I want to stop making up events to cover up my empty life. The last medication I tried put me in hospital so right now I'm not on anything and not sure if I'm willing to be on anything anymore. I'm tired of the side effects like weight gain and drowsiness. I'm tired of the way I feel the negative side effects within hours but positive side effects take months or never. I don't want my life to go like this but nothing will help me out of it and I mentioned TMS to my dad and he said I'm only scratching the surface with medication because "there's hundreds out there" and I think he expects me to be able to go through another 7 years of this. Maybe there is hundreds out there but I don't have that much patience. I don't have friends or support either. Because depression stops me from going places and doing things and feeling things. Therapists always laugh it off and tell me it would work if I tried it and they don't seem to understand how depression is draining me. If I had the energy to do exercise and diet and all that I would but I don't even have the will. If depression hasn't drained me enough, +10 years of abuse from my mum and bullying all through primary and high school have done enough on their own. I don't think people around me believe me but I've been trying. I got a job, I went to uni, I got a cat for company, I attempted moving out of home, I forced myself to exercise, I try to keep up my hobbies. I try to do all the things that apparently will cure me but I can't manage it. Whenever I try to tell people what I'm feeling, they think I'm just being negative and whiney rather than just actually expressing myself. I can't tell anyone this or that without being told "yes, exercise helps with that :)" People just dont understand how deep I'm buried in this. People don't understand how much effort everything takes even if I'm achieving nothing. People think that because I'm young, I'm fine. People don't believe I can be this messed up at this age. People don't listen to me. They won't listen to me. I don't even know what I'm asking for in this post. Just some understanding I guess.

Mag2 depression, Aspergers & self hate
  • replies: 1

Hi all, i have diagnosed depression, plus this year diagnosed as being on the spectrum (which explains a lot about how I am). i need some advice because I can go from feeling ok to hating myself in the space of a few seconds. it can happen because I ... View more

Hi all, i have diagnosed depression, plus this year diagnosed as being on the spectrum (which explains a lot about how I am). i need some advice because I can go from feeling ok to hating myself in the space of a few seconds. it can happen because I regret what I say or my partner and I have a disagreement and then I feel like it's all my fault even though she says it isn't. And then I feel emptiness and then hate myself for feeling emptiness. any advice? Thanks.

Jonah42 Depression for over 24 years - Forgot to take meds today.
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am new to beyondblue and new to the online world of forums. After much consideration, I finally built up enough courage to write my first post. I am a 43 year old male who has suffered from MDD (Major Depression Disorder), GAD (Generalised Anxi... View more

Hi, I am new to beyondblue and new to the online world of forums. After much consideration, I finally built up enough courage to write my first post. I am a 43 year old male who has suffered from MDD (Major Depression Disorder), GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder), SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder), and BED (Binge Eating Disorder). I have suffered these disorders for over 24 years of my life. I also suffer from severe sleep apnoea, chronic back pain, and low self esteem. I wanted to share some of my story for two reasons. Firstly, to see if there are any other members who have experienced similar disorders over a similar period of time. Secondly, I would like to find out some more information regarding an episode I experienced earlier today. For the last four years, I have been taking medication for my MDD, GAD and SAD. Prior to this, I was taking a different type for approximately 13 years, and before this a mixture of most of the other anti depressants on the market (along with the servere side effects). I found a paticular AD to insight suicide ideation, and feelings to the point of having three relapses whilst taking it. I have been very happy with my current AD in comparison to the other anti depressants. I had been ticking along nicely, until earlier today. For the first time in over 24 years, I forgot to take my medication. I usually take it like clockwork every morning after breakfast. For whatever reason, I forgot, and most of the day I was feeling very strange. When I realised I had forgotten, I took my medication immediately. However, by this time, most of the day had past. This led to my head hurting like never before, dizziness, neasea, brain clicks, vomiting, hot flushes, shaking, suicidal thoughts and feelings, excruciating pain in my head, and finally a complete emotional break down. It was something I NEVER want to EVER experience again! I am alright now as the medication has finally kicked in, but for a moment there I was unsure. It really threw me sideways, and I was wanting to know if anybody else on here has had a similar experience? If so, could you please share it with me (and others), as I think it can be helpful for anybody who may go through a similar experience. If you have, I am wondering how long it took you to feel semi normal again? Thank you for taking the time to read my first ever post! I hope to hear from some of you soon. Bye for now

H1989 I need someone to talk to about this
  • replies: 6

I’m constantly struggling with the fact of wether or not I’m worthy for help. I struggling in silence I don’t know if it’s a combination of being too stubborn and feeling like depression and anxiety is beating me because I feel I can’t handle this al... View more

I’m constantly struggling with the fact of wether or not I’m worthy for help. I struggling in silence I don’t know if it’s a combination of being too stubborn and feeling like depression and anxiety is beating me because I feel I can’t handle this alone. or not feeling like my mental health is valid because I am lucky to have the life I have. It’s amazing how dark your head can get and how well you can disguise how aweful you feel. I hate my head, it’s a mean place I obsess I get stuck in loops of self doubt that I can’t escape. I get frustrated with myself as I feel I can’t properly function as a normal human being, but things appear normal on the surface. I’ve feel I’ve lost all passion for things that I enjoyed. I don’t even know what I enjoy anymore. I don’t have an outlet to escape or relax. I’m holding onto to toxic thoughts and crippling sadness but some how I manage to function I go to work, I just cry in the car on the way and suck it up and get another day over with. My life feels like I’m constantly sleep walking, I feel like a zombie. The thing is I am such a lucky person in the sense that I have a beautiful family and a loving partner so many other people have it so much worse. I don’t know why I get like this I can’t definitely say this one thing is why I feel this way. Which makes it all the more confusing when I don’t know what tiggers it. The only way I can understand it is a combination of stress and past experiences that have bottled up and manifested into this toxic cloud. I’ll be functioning and then it hits me hard. I feel I can’t handle stress at all and makes me feel pathetic. I’m just so tired of feeling so fragile. I’ve tried to get help before but I can never see anyone because it clashes with work. It takes so so much courage for me to even get to that doctors appointment. I feel this forum might help I need some where to talk because I do need some help and I’m feeling so lost.

ilobsiudpo Self sabotaging and can't stop
  • replies: 5

Hi there, this is my first post here about anything so as you probably can all imagine I'm freaking out. I've always had depression for as long as I can remember, even before I was diagnosed or even knew what it was. I'm 23 and been on antidepressant... View more

Hi there, this is my first post here about anything so as you probably can all imagine I'm freaking out. I've always had depression for as long as I can remember, even before I was diagnosed or even knew what it was. I'm 23 and been on antidepressants for about 6 months, first time being medicated. I took a long time to know what I wanted to do after school, did uni for 2 years and failed a bunch of stuff because of depression and a lack of interest or drive in what I was doing, ended up moving home to get a shitty kitchenhand job that I ended up falling in love with and after 3 years knowing I wanted to do a chefs apprenticeship. At that job I had an extremely close group of friends but felt I had to leave due to a few reasons and even to an extent excited to leave and start afresh somewhere new. But that's been hard as hospitality hours make it difficult to socialise outside of work and I definitely rely on my friends probably too much to help keep me well. But long story short I ended up getting an apprenticeship at one of the best restaurants in my town, and have been there for just over 2 weeks, I was really excited and anxious as shit but pretty keen for it all because I know I'm capable and ready to start my career. I ended up being really sick on the last Friday, but i went to work for the lunch shift, but didn't go back that night because everyone said I was too sick, I also couldn't go for the Saturday. We close on Sundays and then on Monday, not being sick anymore, but I slept through my alarms and just couldn't go. I was too anxious to ring up and say what had happened plus not knowing how to articulate it to my boss. Tuesdays I normally have off which brings me to today Wednesday, I'm so freaking depressed and anxious about it, I've been lying in bed for 3 hours now trying to get up and I can't, I want nothing more than to get up and go in and confidently say sorry about Monday but I'm super depressed, should have called up, it won't happen again but I physically cannot make myself move from this bed. I know the longer I leave it the worse off I'll be for it at work, if I even still have a job there. I don't know if this is self sabotaging, or my depression is getting worse or what it is, to a point I've always been able to go to work no matter how hard it was but now I can't seem too. I don't know what to do or if writing this will even result in any help but I'm at a total loss and feel paralysed.

Latte_Lady I don't know who I can trust anymore
  • replies: 4

It is a year since I had my first meltdown, followed by another approx 3 months later. I have tried to pretend that I am ok. I have tried to take medication, and see a psychologist. I am pretending everything is ok, but some times I am only just gett... View more

It is a year since I had my first meltdown, followed by another approx 3 months later. I have tried to pretend that I am ok. I have tried to take medication, and see a psychologist. I am pretending everything is ok, but some times I am only just getting through the day. I don't know who I can trust. I feel like everything I see or hear is targeted specifically at me. I guess you would describe it as being paranoid. But I honestly believe that some strange events generating an overwhelming fear of threats has caused this. I don't know what to classify my problem as. The doctors told me it is a psychosis. My problem is, though, that if something actually happened to generate fear to the extent that a paranoia results, then is it psychosis? Is it fear? is it anxiety? I am struggling to know who I should be speaking to, particularly when everyone I tell even a part of the events to, seems to think that it is not possible. Any advice appreciated to clarify where I sit in the spectrum and plethora of possible diagnoses. xxx

Guest_1584 l worry about myself and what will become of me.
  • replies: 41

Been such a rough 5 -6yrs . Been fakin it till l make it so long now l can hardly tell what l feel anymore apart from 18mths with a new love after divorce , a lot of that was all new and beautiful highs and l was alive again but now that's broken up ... View more

Been such a rough 5 -6yrs . Been fakin it till l make it so long now l can hardly tell what l feel anymore apart from 18mths with a new love after divorce , a lot of that was all new and beautiful highs and l was alive again but now that's broken up also. New house finally 10mths ago , after struggling my ass off for 5yrs after divorce but l just do not fit in or like the town, l do love the house though. l work at home on my own , some customer contact and traveling long trips too, alone though. But now with my gf break up on top and this town being small and nothing going on , it's just too easy to either hang out around the house alone or work on the place , if l'm not working or come to bed and go on the net. l'm getting so use to living like this lately l feel as if l could just do it till l drop dead really especially if l stay here but then l will forever have no life if l do. l do try to make myself do things , been out to the pub a few times with a brother who lives 30mins over, went up to the mountains the other wkend, take my daughter lots of places which she's really the only people time l enjoy tbh. The rest is just a huge effort that just leaves me void anyway. l still eat and sleep , but only just. And now l feel like if l don't sell the house and get the hell outa here next year my life will just fizzle away before my eyes. But l have no idea where to go or what to do , l need to stay fairly close to my daughter too but financially options are very limited. l'm early 50s , so many moves in my life , ex w and l moved and traveled all over for years, haven't stayed anywhere since l left home at 17 really, longest 7yrs, and l no longer trust my own judgement especially after being silly enough to move here. life just feels like nothing and l just feel like all l'm really interested in doing is jumping out of bed to see my daughter and that's about it. It really worries me that l could really easily just exist like this and to hell with the world or life. l'm so use to pushing myself through mentally though with this last 5-6yrs and faking it, l feel numb. l loved my gf so much and we'd talked about marriage, yet half the time l'm smiling , think l'm too scared not to fake it because if l don't l'd just fall in a heap. No family and l don't really have any good friends , that all went with my divorce , know about anything l feel or have been going through and now l even hide the break up with gf. Just don't know anymore.

daniellerecovered Your hypothesis of depression?
  • replies: 2

My story I developed depression what I had a very negative expereince in my second job out of uni. I was young so i just put up with the negative working environment and the stress. After 3 years i am almost completely recovered. I had a week in the ... View more

My story I developed depression what I had a very negative expereince in my second job out of uni. I was young so i just put up with the negative working environment and the stress. After 3 years i am almost completely recovered. I had a week in the maldives that i think i was the happiest i have ever been and no depression symptoms. It does come up now and then for me but is temporary and very mild, i more just feel really tired some days. Looking back i think it was related to stress chemicals, i was getting horrible anxiety symptoms such as finger tingling and racing thoughts. The negative experience i interpreted as me being 'incapable' of being in a career job. What helped me was I got myself another job after 6 months of no job (i dont recommend staying unemployed for long it makes it worse). I was soooooo anxious and scared about another career job but i did it anyway. The self confidence i experienced by doing this allowed me to not 'worry' as much which i think triggered the depression a lot. It almost reversed the negative belief i had formed about my abilities because if i had held a career job for a few months and felt i could keep on with it how was i useless? It also made me busier and more distracted which cut the cycle of rumination. My hypothesis I do think depression is chemical related but it is also a phenomenan in its own right. Like a panic attack or heart break. It i causes a cycle of thoughts, experiences and feelings. I do think to a degree chemicals are highly related to the depression, thoughts cause negative feelings. However I think perhaps negative beliefs cause thoughts which cause stress chemicals related to depression. I think exercise and eating healthy can help fuel your energy to fight the negative thoughts and add to reversing the cycle. I think going out and about and socialising can cut through the rumination and break the cycle too. My hypothesis is that depression isnt solely a chemical reaction or a single thought that causes a negative feeling. It is a cycle of thoughts that can circle down if you dont do something to stop the cycle. And the negative thoughts associated with the cycle cause a negative experience. The thoughts get so strong that it can be hard to differentiate because every thought has that negative spin on it. This is my hypothesis anyway! Would love to hear your hypothesis

HA1 Can't stop thinking!
  • replies: 6

Hi All! I have posted elsewhere that I suffer clinical depression, social anxiety, GAD, and OCD. One of the byproducts of this is that my mind is constantly racing. I cannot stop thinking about anything and everything. Phrases stick in my thoughts an... View more

Hi All! I have posted elsewhere that I suffer clinical depression, social anxiety, GAD, and OCD. One of the byproducts of this is that my mind is constantly racing. I cannot stop thinking about anything and everything. Phrases stick in my thoughts and I keep repeating them to myself, until another phrase or thought takes over. Endless roller-coaster and often meaningless. Can be something I have read, heard or said. Not sure what I am really asking in this thread. Perhaps just venting my frustration. Take care K

IntoOblivion Living with Autism and depression
  • replies: 2

I was born with a genetic disorder known as FRAXE, though mild it effects me daily and makes recovering from depression almost impossible. I do not look mentally ill so I tend to be treated like anyone else but this often makes it hard in situations ... View more

I was born with a genetic disorder known as FRAXE, though mild it effects me daily and makes recovering from depression almost impossible. I do not look mentally ill so I tend to be treated like anyone else but this often makes it hard in situations that I can’t handle. I’m 192cm and I have a solid build so when I hear loud noises and have a breakdown most people assume it’s drugs or I’m just being an idiot. People think because I don’t look fragile that I must be able to handle anything and yet loud train stations freak me out. My dad is very ill (had cancer and now a infection in his spine + lung cancer) as a 18 year old I feel like I am going through all the worst crap at once. I can’t imagine my future and can’t see how I could even go another 5 years let alone another 18. Last thing, as someone who struggles to express themselves and is socially awkward when I do and an adult says “you’re only 18 you haven’t had any real problems yet” my rage kicks in and I feel like dropping them.