Hi, have had severe depression and anxiety over past few years. Been
getting worse lately. Over time, I have tried numerous
counsellors/psychologists, inpatient/outpatient psychiatrists, many
antidepressants, TMS, hospital admissions, recommended ECT...
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Hi, have had severe depression and anxiety over past few years. Been
getting worse lately. Over time, I have tried numerous
counsellors/psychologists, inpatient/outpatient psychiatrists, many
antidepressants, TMS, hospital admissions, recommended ECT but declined.
Also have physical health issues that have resulted in multiple
referrals/appointments over the past couple of years. GP put everything
down to depression years ago but it wasnt just that. Even the current
diagnosis leaves things up in the air, and have been told it may or may
not progress in future and appointments come as symptoms change. I have
previously been a very fit, healthy, active, private and independent
person, so its all hit pretty hard. I work casually now in a low-key
job, but had to speak to boss recently about cutting back days as just
not coping at all with the overall load of work/home. Got emotional, now
fear prejudice. Work was one place I was safe to keep on my mask and not
feel questioned or judged as nobody knew..but now I have let my guard
down and many saw it happen. I have 3 kids. Finding it really hard as
just want to be alone. My husband and I have been having issues, he has
been speaking to his family about our issues, so they side with him and
now dont speak to me. His dad even told him to move on with his life.
Tears my heart out as I have done nothing wrong except fight every day
against all odds - quick to judge when he has no idea what I have/am
going through and have always tried to be there for them. I asked him
not to speak to his family because I knew they would side with him - I
had asked him to speak to a third party who would be mutual/not take
sides if he needed to talk. He had an affair a couple of years ago, but
vows hasnt done anything since. Not sure if I believe that. My family
are not a very open family and we dont see each other much. Friends tend
to be school mums whose children are friends with mine. A couple know
the depth of whats happened but very much have the 'pull your socks up'
demeanour and avoid me except for arranging kids stuff. Dont feel able
to search out new friends or activities. Hard to feel hope when even my
GP, psychologists and psych have all pretty much said they dont know how
to help. If they cant, who can? I feel alone, exhausted and empty. I
feel like there's nothing left to try. Feel pretty dark some days...all
goes round and round like a washing machine. Nothing I do/have done
helps anymore. All feels too much to bear