Have you ever felt this way?

[the_motorcycle_boy]

"Well, oh well I feel I'm in decay"

The first line of a popular Midnight Oil song and I think a description most apt, for some people experiencing depression.

Have you ever felt this way?

One of the biggest dilemmas I've faced in "depressive-illness land" is the one of being alone and having no viable means of changing that fact...let me explain...

My depression causes me to be apart. I feel different from others. I find it very hard to mix with people who are "alive and well". So, I remain alone bundled up in a safe but miserable cocoon.

Have you ever felt this way?

I know what I need. I can feel the loneliness, an ache inside. In my mind's eye I see a ghostly parade of familiar faces, old friends, all gone now. Still, I need people, people to talk to, to communicate with, maybe God permit, a laugh!

Have you ever felt this way?

But I can't escape what I'm in, so I must wait for it to pass...weeks...months...years.

I'm reminded of a quote by Charles Bukowski regarding his drinking/literary lifestyle. I think it fits depression too.

"And as my hands drop a last desperate pen, in some cheap room, they will find me there and never know my name, my meaning nor the treasure of my escape".

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

That's ok you going to sleep early last night but no good getting a headache! I had some suspicious characters hanging around outside the flat and I consequently didn't sleep that well. Not to worry! should've invited them in for cocoa. lol.

809 views that's a lot! Expected the thread to have around 5 - 10 posts when it started. lol. It's certainly exceeded that number.

My attempt at metal humour lacked lustre, I think. haha! Rodriguez was at a festival called "Tanelon" that I went to in 1982?. It was like a little Woodstock! Very back to nature and hippy-ish. As you say, music is not an easy field to succeed in for long. Some can, but the majority don't.

You must hold your age. While poor sister looks older! Costumes! I could go as Ned Kelly. lol. I look young for my age but have the grey setting in! My friend says I am handsome, that's why she's my friend! (just kidding)

I had a quick look at the behaviours associated with Aspbergers Syndrome and I read that they vary widely. However, I understand that these are often accompanied by unique gifts, e.g. a remarkable ability for intense focus, something which I was unaware of. (Incredible Hulk yay!)

Starting work at 15 wow! I was 17. I remember my first paypacket was $80! which in those days was a fortune! You could pay rent, food, ciggies, petrol etc and still have plenty left for other things. It was cool living with three others and friends would come over as if it was Central Station. Bit of a loveshack too, before and after going out.

Didn't know Ritchie Blackmore was a bit eccentric. I guess being the lead singer in a mega-successful band would change you. I had an inkling you might have liked Black Sabbath. lol. Actually, a friend of mine once had a black cat called Sabbath! years ago. Never fear, I have earmarked 4 songs to download. The acid test Haha! Let's see Paranoid, Snowblind, Sabba Cadabra and WOC.

Yes, it's the old Nature v Nurture argument. I guess as I've gotten older I believe more that our freedom of choice is more limited than previously thought. An interesting one to ponder!

This weekend is at my place, my friend is coming here so warmth will be from  blankets. Home delivery Thai Fri night! Shopping Sat and Markets Sun. Movies and music in between and footy as well. That's the plan. Hope your weekend is good. Listening to a bit of Sabbath, no doubt! Hope you and the boys have a great time.

Stay warm and comfy all weekend, mon ami.

Big massive cyber hug to you!

Ne jamais dire jamais.

TMB

[Indra]

Hey MB,

Quiet weekend here, fighting off a cold and separating siblings!! Oh, that's a bit creepy having people hanging out near your place - keep everything locked!! It would actually have been funny if you had asked them for cocoa - they would have split really fast I think! Fairly lucky here - it's quiet and on the outskirts of town, so would be a bit far for an attempt lol

Tanelon sounds pretty cool - it's been awhile since I have been to anything. They have Womad and Soundwave here annually, but I haven't been before.

I guess I am not doing too bad for nearly 42 lol You said you had a babyface before lol and hey take the compliment if your friend is throwing it your way!

Thank you for taking an interest in Autism! My miniman is intently focused - but only in things that he is interested in! That is just par for the course - that's where the breakdown in social behaviour slips in. I could go on for hours about all the variants - it's funny, you can read as much material on Autism as you like, but that doesn't count for a whole lot unless you are actually living with it! That's where professionals can be very frustrating at times!

I don't miss the days of a miniscule paycheck lol I laughed when I read about your house sharing - I think most people live through those days at some stage! Just adds to life's experiences haha

Haha hope you enjoy the Sabbath songs- you picked 4 of the great ones! - Blackmore was the lead guitarist (sorry to correct) and listening to him in an interview , he was going on about hearing radio frequencies in his head - past eccentric I think!!

Pondering away - the land of the free, definitely does come with restriction. I know there is more opportunity here and living conditions are better than 3rd world countries, but freedom comes at a price sometimes.

Your weekend sounds great MB- great things to do for a wintry weekend - feel lucky you have someone to share it with.

I was a glutton for punishment and thought I would check out online dating - ugh - I must be getting old.  If I wasn't feeling depressed enough lol I can say never again for that one- and I didn't get to the meeting stage lol  - I think I will remain alone, wandering in a sea of wonderment!

Was nach oben geht, müssen unten kommen!

Sweet child in time -You'll see the line - The line that's drawn between - Good and bad - Sweet Child in Time - Deep Purple - vocals are awesome in this!

Big cyber hug back MB,

Stay warm too Mein Freund!

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

Thanks for another very enjoyable read. Oh no! you have a dreaded cold! Hope you are over it quick, Hot soup, strepsils and cough syrup says old father hen, lol.

Have kept everything locked and no sign of potential intruders since Thurs, so hoping they're gone for good. Near where I live, you hear fights and arguments quite frequently. Am thinking of moving to a quieter town about 20 miles away. There my rent will be cheaper, too.

Am not familiar with Nomad or Soundwave. Are they concerts of some sort?

Nearly 42, it seems so young now but time has a habit of running faster as you get older, do you find that? Someone let me get on the bus first the other day so I guess I don't look that young anymore. Hey, it doesn't happen all the time! lol.

I find Autism quite fascinating but I know little about it. Like any illness, I suppose, you don't really know till you've experienced it. You can know a heap of facts and figures but real experience makes a solid impression. I can understand that dealing with professionals could be quite perturbing. I have had difficulties talking to professionals regarding my depression.

I thought of you and the boys at the markets yesterday. I saw all these second hand action hero toys for sale, going cheap. I wanted to buy some for you guys. I did get 5  music CDs and 2 DVDs though.

The Sabbath songs - Could only download Paranoid, She's Gone, Night Wing and Snowblind. Snowblind was ok, would grow on me I think but I was very impressed with the others. Really top songs!  Where's the tattooist? lol. I have met people with similar behaviours to Blackmore in my travels. MI me thinks.

Yes, we are so lucky to live in OZ. In other countries like the U.S. for example, life would've been much harder and survival not guaranteed. I am fortunate to have someone to share my weekend with just sorry you're alone.

I reckon good on you for trying the online dating. I have heard of people meeting up from them. You never know till you try. Maybe some are better than others, too. Maybe you could look for Australian penfriends to start off a friendship? or maybe groups that meet to go to the movies etc?

Here's some more Rodriguez from "Esatblishment Blues" (1970) Will give you more of an idea of him.

"Gun sales are soaring, housewives find life boring, Divorce the only answer smoking causes cancer, This system's gonna fall soon, to an angry young tuneAnd that's a concrete cold fact".

Big cyber hug to you! mon ami,

Bon lundi! Prendre soin.

TMB

Get well!

[Indra]

Hey MB!

I am pretty resilient with colds - bouncing back very quickly! Thank you for the well wishes!

Sounds like a good move from what you have said - you never know when fighting can turn into something worse and hey if you can save on some rent - even better! Rental prices here are still very reasonable and I was fortunate after my first year here - lease was extended and they didn't put the rent up! Bargain!

Sorry, Womad is the hippy type festival and Soundwave has more heavy metal/grunge sort of bands - they have Mad March over here - Fringe and the Clipsal races are included there as well.

Ssh - 42 is old enough lol The same - when someone says "oh in the 90's" that doesn't seem that long ago for me - sometimes now all the days blur into weeks - I read somewhere there is 18 Fridays until x'mas - eek!I cracked up laughing about your bus story - sure,sure next thing you will be eating at 4.30pm and playing bingo haha

Unfortunately nowadays a lot of GP's put business before empathy - rush you in, get you out, no real time to listen to you, unless you make them. Had my blood levels checked today - still in range, but have to go back next week to make sure they plateau.

Aww, thanks - so cool that you thought of us when you were at the markets - now who was it that liked the action figures? Lol It would add to the ginourmous collection we have here. Awesome that you found yourself some CD/Dvds - what did you find? You will laugh at me - I found another Rammstein CD cheap on ebay - will be here tomorrow or Wednesday lol Now will have to do a reshuffle in the car haha

Glad you enjoyed the Sabbath tunes - the tattooist I went to was in the city - I haven't been to loyal a customer all of mine have been done by different artists - the last one at the local shop here. He was good, I got a discount as the last one was a cover up lol when I explained my story - he told me off and then said the extra bits I had done were on the house! It was the one on my hip - so long story short - you don't get to have much dignity lol I am not going to wear jeans next time lol

Great lyric from Rodriguez - very befitting for its time and sounds very anti establishment!

I am also dodging your reply on the online dating thing too bahahaha

Rein, Raus, Oben, Unten, Es ist alles das gleiche Richtung

I enjoyed listening to She Wolf(Falling to Pieces) on the Voice last night - cool song.

Big massive cyber back Mein Freund,

Take it easy MB,

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey there Indra,

Either that was the funniest post you've written or I'm getting better (or both) cause I laughed a lot throughout. So thanks for that!

Great to see you conquering your cold so quickly! Amazing recuperative powers eh!

I have been renting here a year and a half and no rent increase so far (touch wood!) I think I want to leave here but not till I'm 100%. Just want clear thinking and normal responses. Sydney's prices have skyrocketed and here could follow. I've lived in roughly 9 places in 10 years! I would love a permanent  home!

Thanks for explaining about the music festivals. They sound pretty cool.

Time, it's all relevant isn't it. I tell you it accelerates exponentially as you get older. Now, a month goes by really quickly! Hey Indra, I do eat at 4:30pm and I do play bingo! (just kidding)...forty one, 4, 1. lol. That's how old I am, my favourite movie is from 1983! and people are always telling me to cut my eyebrows!

All the best with your blood levels! Funny - I'm off for a blood test tomorrow. Glucose levels etc. My G.P. said "You don't get out much?" on my last visit. I mumbled "not enough". I was a bit anxious at the time. I absolutely agree with your summation of GPs and their motives.

Forgot to tell you about the blue haired action hero i got (oops not s'pose to mention that was I!). I got Chasing Amy and Ace Ventura DVD's and while looking for Sabbath CD's I found The Clash - the singles, REM - the best of, ACDC - High Voltage and Faith No More - album of the year. All for $19!! Another Rammstein! my god! That's 7?! That will be first in the car! You have Rammsteinitus! Good to see you getting what you want. lol.

No, getting a tatt on your hip wouldn't leave much room for dignity! I actually have one near mine, a thorny  rose, it's my oldest tatt and therefore pretty special. I still remember getting it 30 years ago! A small one that stung a bit!

You poor thing, here is some more Rodriguez from a great song called "Crucify your Mind"

"And you assume you got something to offer, Secrets shiny and new, But how much of you is repetition, That you didn't whisper to him too".

Oh, oh oh il's magic vous savez, il ne faut jamais croire il's pas si.

dodging my online dating reply eh?

Falling to Pieces, Yes a top song. I like the girl on the Voice with the real country voice. What a great singer!

A big, massive cyber hug to you, mon ami!

As Leonard Nimoy used to say, "Live Long and Prosper".

MB

[Indra]

Hey MB,

Well, they say laughter is sometimes the best medicine hey! Glad to hear you had some laughs - lucky we weren't having a latte - probably would make you laugh until it came out of your nose! haha That's what friends do!

Still fending away the cough - but it is more that I don't have time to be sick - no time off for the wicked or mother's lol (that would make me both!)

Don't envy you with Sydney rental prices - my brother in-law is from Sydney and he was sharing with his parents and cousin before moving over here - just to make the cost of living a bit easier. I can't bitch - I only pay $250 a week for a newish 3 bedroom house with a yard!

Miniman has been watching the old version of The Time Machine lately - I think need I one lol Nothing you can do to slow it down though! Oh my - MB - you are leaving yourself wide open for a glut of monobrow or caterpillar jokes here (eyebrows) - luckily I am a very polite person (coughs wildly) haha

Hope you get good results for your bloods - sounds like you need some Vitamin D there - they do come in horse tablet size - trust me - I know! I am usually low in D and B - I am not a huge meat eater either, but you can stick the Iron tablets lol

Blue haired action figure? Um the brain is not functioning- oh hang on Wonderwoman!! - do tell lol You certainly bagged some bargains with your market action. Although, I would be using the REM cd as a coaster haha Yes, a severe case of Rammsteinitis - gotta love it though, the boys sing along in perfect German!

Toughen up princess - if I got through my tatts ok - well the one on my left leg did hurt I admit.....

Loved the lyric - resonates true - how often do people hide things or are complete fakes - as you are aware my trust levels don't ring too high - me - I am who I am and don't see the point of being dishonest - it all catches up to you one day! The old saying of honesty is the best policy - but you live and learn.

They stand with their arms tightly around each other a mixture of flesh, so rich in days where the sea touches the land she wants to tell him the truth - Nebel (Fog) Rammstein - had to put one in! It's actually a bit of sad story to this one, but the lyrics to the song are a story so well told.

Your quotation was awesome! Freinds sind wie Sterne , nie zu weit weg!

Look to the skies!

Big massive cyber hug back Mein Freund!

Friendship and laughter,

Indra

[Indra]

Oh yeah, so I don't forget and that the post also makes it for tomorrow -

"Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear MB, Happy Birthday to you" Hip,hip hooray! See I sang - cyberly counts!

Have a great birthday and hoping that you do something enjoyable!

Best wishes for the day Mein Freund!

Indra and the dynamic duo xx

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

Thank you very much for my birthday greeting. Singing me Happy Birthday and in key too! Seriously, was very nice of you and the dynamic duo!! Much appreciated.

Well I woke at 6! It was Liz on the phone wishing me the best. Said she might be visiting Australia next year, so we might catch up. I know her financial situation mightn't be too brilliant (all those bills at Buckingham!) but she didn't have to call collect! Never mind.lol.

You'll never guess but the noise has started up again here where I live. Hope yours isn't too bad at present.

A good birthday so far, I received a text message from someone I haven't seen for a while which was a nice surprise. Will probably head out for lunch pretty soon to celebrate. I hope you and the boys are having a nice day! and that your cold clears up soon.

$250 a week for a 3br house is very reasonable. I pay $330 a week for a 2br flat which is a little dear for me. Am looking at $250 - $290 for a 2br unit or older style 2br house.

So you would make fun of my eyebrows! lol! Good on you! Actually I keep them pretty tidy now to avoid the curious stare!

Actually, I am low in vitamin B12 and I get my glucose checked regularly as it has a tendency to be high. Don't want to get the dreaded diabetes!

Your boys sing along in unison (in German too!) wow cool! And you'd make a coaster out of my REM CD? Huh! There's no accounting taste. lol. "Toughen up princess" you are getting cheeky! That tatt did hurt a bit but I manned it out. lol.

It seems we both have similar views on honesty. I don't like to lie as one needs to have a good memory. It just goes against the grain. I don't like to saddle myself with excess mental baggage. In fact I can be honest to the extreme, where others lie if convenient I'll find it hard to. I have learned however, that sometimes a little white lie is for the best.

That Rammstein quote from Nebel (Fog) was tres cool! I read the unofficial translation and liked the rest of it too. Very poetic and sad. Esp. liked "She carries the evening in her chest" and "But the wind eats her words".

Really liked your message in German about friends never being too far away. Have never heard that one before but very nice. Here's one from Oprah, "Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down". How true eh?

A big massive cyber hug to you, mon ami!

Tout le meilleur pour vous! et les garcons!

Take care,

TMB

[Indra]

Hey TMB,

Very welcome with the bday message! Glad to hear you did something nice for yourself by having lunch out! 6am - that would have hurt you lol All old Liz has to do is sell off one of the tiaras and she would be ok haha You are only a half centurian as well lol I can sing in key when I put my mind to it - had singing lessons when I was younger, but always chose songs that were too adventurous for my ability lol

Yep - noise is back here too - they have started the frame work next door - poor Giz won't go outside. He has been a brave kitty - he was de-maled yesterday - but was back to his normal self super fast!

It's always a nice surprise to hear from an old friend too - I just opened my mail and my friend in the US had sent me a $100 gift card - that was so thoughtful of her! She is my evil twin lol we have always used nicknames with each other and it's funny when we actually call each other by name haha

I would be very nice about teasing you with the eyebrows though lol my humour leans towards the dark side - just tell me off if I am being to bad haha I can take it lol Oh and ouch with your rental price!

Glad you have your checks done - my mum is type 1 Diabetes and their is a history on both sides of the family - I seem to inherit most of the things that occur - but no, I am not at risk. I do take vitamins - when I remember too lol

It is great to hear the boys sing along. Miniman always asks for the translation which I am happy to do - I do have to sugarcoat some of the Rammstein songs though lol trying to explain what Zwitter means would be somewhat of a challenge!

Great minds think alike then. I find now that most people don't like hearing the truth - and yes, a little white lie can sometimes be polite - if that would be the right word for it!

Glad you liked Nebel as well - I think when there is more of a story to the song, it gives it more meaning and feeling.

The Oprah quote was good (Oprah TMB - you do need to get out more lol) - I have never been a judgemental person, you never know how a person has come to where they are in life - by choice or not - and I think it would be more entertaining to ride the bus and be yourself - there is so much more to observe too!

Finden Sie sich , dann werden Sie finden, was Sie suchen - I certainly am trying too!

Now, don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky, It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy - Dust in the Wind - pretty song!

Big massive cyber hug back Mein Freund!

Indra

[the_motorcycle_boy]

Hey Indra,

Singing lessons wow! Did they help much? And you tried belting out songs like Bohemian Rhapsody for eg, hard ones to sing.

Well, I pampered myself more today, I got a massage and I bought an album. You'll never guess. lol. It starts with M and ends in Y and is in another language! Is that enough clues? Can't give you any more, lol.

Poor Giz, am glad he recovered fast. I think the workers have finished here, they concreted today. Will be sad to see them go. lol.

That's great you got a gift from your evil twin! You'll be able to buy another Rammstein album or have you got them all? Yeah it does feel weird calling people by their proper names. When you know someone as "Red", Redmond just doesn't sound right.

You can pay me off about my eyebrows. I can handle it. NOT! (just joking).

That's good you don't have to worry about diabetes. I've been on the cusp for years. Thankfully it hasn't developed. Mainly have to watch my weight which tends to escalate when I get into the chips and coke. So I behave and it's alright.

Your car must "vibrate" when you're driving, with all 3 of you singing  Rammstein tunes! lol. Yes, the album I got had AO warnings on it. Lucky it's in a foreign language!lol.

I just think sometimes there are better consequences if you tell a lie. It only happens rarely but I would say it to save a person from harm for eg. But basically, I believe in honesty. A related issue -  one thing I have learned from experience is not to lend people money! It spells dishonesty.

I downloaded and listened to "Child in time" by Deep Purple. I quite liked it, some great instrumentals!. There's a song by Frank Black called "Threshold Apprehension" that, if you like, you could listen to. I think it's excellent and I have good taste! lol.

Good points you made about the bus ride. Hey, me, Oprah and Liz go way back, lol. Actually, I got Oprah's quote from the internet not from watching her show! Give me a break! Haha! I respect that you are non judgemental, I strive to be the same.

I liked your German quote, very cryptic but very true! and Dust in the Wind was  GREAT!!! who sings that one?

My music quote is from Tom Waits, It's short but I like it. "and I pulled on trouble's braids" from his Raindogs album.

N'abandonnez pas le combat

Big massive cyber hug to you, mon ami!

TMB

P.S. I'm away from Friday noon till Monday arvo when I will write back. Have a super weekend, will be thinking of you and the boys. Stay strong! my friend.