The Dark Spiral of OCD and Bipolar

[LaTeRaLuS777]

Hi, first time posting on here (or anywhere for that matter about this stuff)... I have OCD and Bipolar Disorder.
As i sit typing I am aware of every noise in the house and outside being "They/Them" coming to get me. My OCD has been leading me down dark rabbit holes of thoughts and images recently (in a self-destructive spiral) and I couldnt take it any more.
I chatted with one of the BeyondBlue people who helped me to seek out a positive distraction for the night so I joined this community and started to type.
For me OCD is like a little urge going "just one more dark thought, just until midnight, then i will let you go...." but it never stops! It is never satisfied until I feel like giving up and taking one way out or another (neither are good options by the way!).
I am a good person with a good heart and I know i would never do these things yet that spiral is so strong, so desperate and so persistent that I fear I may not be strong enough to fight it. Seeing others going through this same process makes me feel like im not alone, yet i fear that "They/Them" would have me locked away because of the "Darkness" within me.
When I was younger (18-19 yrs old) I first experienced this dark spiral and it terrified me so much that I contemplated suicide so that I could never hurt anyone like that! Thankfully I am alive but the OCD "Darkness" remains and it is a constant battle. How do you fight what you cannot see/touch/destroy?
Im sorry for this stream of consciousness post but im really trying to convey my feelings as best as i can. Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for (hopefully) accepting me as I am.
(ps: I am seeing a psych and I am medicated and for those two things i am forever grateful).

[Andre_P]

Hey bro hope you’re still alive n kickin. Far out it’s been some tough times man. 

im doing ok bro. I just wanted to check in on you. Hope all is well mate 👊

[LaTeRaLuS777]

Hi again.

Everything is, and will be, ok.

Just a quick update and a sad farewell.

Im doing ok, thank you for asking but I no longer have the time to update this topic on a regular basis.

I encourage all of you to start your own topic or to continue this topic as you see fit.

Your replies have been both amazing and insightful.

I leave you with this last thought: Fear is both a motivator and a stressor, feed your Daemons only a little so that they do not have the strength to take over your life (merely whine about how they feel left out).

This is L7 saying all the best and keep up the fight.

Thank you all so very much.

*hugs*

[Andre_P]

Mate in the blood of Jesus Christ I Rebuke any demons. You don’t have to put up with any kind of torment. May the Lord make you free brother. Be strong.