panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[Sparkles183]

Hi J

thank u for the early congrats,it has been nice chatting to u, I hope u realise that u will b surly missed on these forums, I wish u all the best for the future and please stay safe and be kind to yourself, thanks for all your encouragement over the last month you are a great brother.

take care and be kind to yourself 

sparkles 

[angelite]

Hi Jacques

Your world seems empty now, a puzzle with pieces you thought made you complete, now missing. If I could make you listen, in your loneliest hour, the birds continue to sing and soft breezes still strum their spring song on budding branches. If I could help you see, in you lightless prison, the perfection of a powder blue sky, day has not gone away and the courageous yellow face of a solitary dandelion defies the gardeners rake.

If I could urge you to inhale, despite your clenched chest, you'd be healed by the green grass or the humble aroma of a home cooked meal for you.

If I could teach you to taste the salt of your tears and explore their source, to feel the jagged edges of your broken heart, and with those same hands, use the thread of your pain to sew a stronger version whole again.

Every now and again take a good look at something not made with hands, a mountain, a star, the flowing of a stream. There will come to you wisdom and patience and solace and above all the assurance that you are not alone.

Thinking of you J

Karen xxx

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

i am so sorry their has been a mis communication and i thought i was being removed from the forums, i would like to continue talking with you if you like, i a so sorry for the confusion, i have been devistated over the past 24 hours, it would be nice to talk with you once more.

Hi Karen,

i am going to try some of the techniques you have suggested, it is going to take me some time to realize i am still able to talk with my friends here, i have felt so lost over the past 24 hours.

take care my sisters

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey Jacques

That's is the most awesome news I felt absolutely guttered by your news yesterday. I am here for you anytime. Anything I can do please ask. I understand I too have been told the same as you. So remember we can't always say how bad things are but I already know.

I look forward to hearing from you when you are ready.

Stay strong my friend, and you had better be good or my size 4 shoe is going to come and pay you a visit.lol That's your big sister talking so you had better be good.

Karen xx

[angelite]

Hey J

I even wrote you a poem I hope you liked it

Sis

[Sparkles183]

That is great news J

i am so. Glad u are staying on the forums, I hope u have a great weekend I plan to sleep most of the weekend to try get over this low mood, I thought I be happy now I am finished but thats life you can party for me yay I am now finished 

take care and b kind to yourself 

sparkles 

[jacques]

i am so sorry Karen,

i was devastated yesterday too, i felt like the wind was knocked out of me, i was walking around the house all day in a daze, i could not sleep last night because of it, and today i felt numb, until the wonderful Christopher sent me an email explaining the misunderstanding, i felt so elated i could not wait to send you a post with the news.

i can't believe i have become so emotionally attached to you, for the first time in a long time i felt lost and alone, and for the first time in ages i almost cried telling you i was allowed to speak to you again.

Thank you so much for the poem, i could not feel more humbled, i can't believe how kind you are to me, the poem was so beautiful i can't describe the emotions it gave me reading it and i promise to be good so you can talk to me as long as you like.

i think you are the only one who really understands me too, we are so much alike.

anyway onto other news, how did your doctors appointment go?

sorry i am really lost for words, every thing feels so unreal, thank you for understanding, i will be forever grateful.

take care

Your Little Brother;)

[angelite]

Hey J

The sun is up the birds are singing that means we got through another long night.

Hope you manage a walk in the morning.

Thinking of you

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Big & Little Sister,

Sparkles

a BIG CONGRATULATIONS you are now qualified, here is a big virtual bunch of flowers you did so well, struggled through the anxiety and troubles and made it, you are such a strong woman and someone i really look up to.

make sure even with the low mood you treat yourself for making the achievement, i know how you feel whenever i achieve something i feel flat too, i think it has something to do with our condition.

Big Hugs, i am proud of you!!!

Hi Karen,

i struggled last night, i was shaking uncontrollably from the trauma of the past few days, but i managed to get some sleep, and i got a wonderful surprise yesterday, the pig has arrived back at the farm next door, so that means some piglets are on the way, she has already started digging the paddock and throwing over her "mud pool", she is absolutely covered in mud, what a mess, but she is so cute anyway, it is so good to have her back, i really missed her antics, she is so funny.

anyway i have to mow the lawns and do some gardening today, take care Karen and i hope you find somewhere nice to spend the day

Bye Sisters, thank you so much for the understanding and support.

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey J

I'm glad you liked the poem I'm a bit embarrassed but I knew how much you were hurting And i didn't want you to feel alone.

I got my news from bb on Monday and like you was devastated. I rang them to try and explain but I wasn't contacted back. But that's ok, I was told to email but I don't know how to do that either. So you and I need to agree we both know and understand how each other feels, what reactions we face when posed with simple tasks. The challenges and symptoms, we share are very similar. So when you tell you had a bad night I get what to mean. A trip into town, having to go away. I truly understand the difficulty you face and the darkness. You know that nothing you say will shock me but for the sake of everyone else at bb we need to stick to the rules.

I want to be here to support you. BB are the only people I have who care about me. I will do whatever it takes to keep the privilege of being able to post. 

So even though you cannot always put it in words J you know I understand and get it.

The Dr has made an appointment for Monday with a male psychologist for me. It will be a three hour trip. If that's not enough triggers the psych specializes in dementia.  Last time I looked I'm a 43 year old

suffering with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and  some traits of ocd. My main triggers being men. Anyway its either find a way to make the appointment, or end up back in the mhu. The psch may still do that anyway. No win win there. I don't think I need to explain how I'm coping with this challenge.

Im glad that you are out in the garden. I miss mowing the couple of acres we had. You get a great sense of achievement when finished and the garden looks nice again.

That's awesome news about the pig being back you will have to keep me updated on how she's going. I would loved to see it.

I was so proud of you J that was a huge effort to post on my thread congrats it must have been difficult. I was so happy, and surprised when I saw it.

I'm here for you J I understand how difficult the days are becoming but I will support you anyway I can.

Take care

Karen.