panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[Sparkles183]

Hi karen

I am so happy you made it to the Dr I hope u can get the help you need this time.

take care 

sparkles 

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

how are you today? i hope you had a better night than me, i had a horrible night, they seem to be getting worst, i am so exhausted, i am tired all of the time, i can't stop eating and the twitching and shaking is becomming unbearable, i am at such a low point, why do i have to live like this? why can't i be like everyone else and look forward to going on hollidays, i just want to be home.

sorry Karen, i know you are struggling too, sorry.

can't write more now, try to check in later today.

bye

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey J

Sounds like you and I are having about the same week just that I have my mask on.

Thanks for the flowers they are beautiful, just what I needed.

I can't make any sense of that stuff on the internet just so complicated to understand. You are right in that it is definitelyneeded.

I haven't heard from my dr I don't know if that's good or not. But its sure been a long night worrying about what he's going to say. Hope he contacts me with some news about finding a psychiatrist that will see me.

Don't forget J that the people that judge you are not worth wasting your time on. The people who accept you for the kind, considerate, thoughtful and talented person you are, that's who matter. You are not your thoughts, symptoms or labels you are Jacques who has every right to do and be whom ever you want, and deserve to be happy and healthy.

Take some time out and do something you like who cares what anyone says. Go out in the gareden it shows a caring son who is doing his very best to look after  his mum. That's what I see.

Take care J try to be kind to yourself

Thinking of you

I would like to send you a big hug but I know you don't like them , so let's just make it a virtual one.

Karen

[angelite]

Hey J

We've had this discussion before please don't apologize for how you are feeling I understand you know that. My days and nights sound like yours.

What about we swap you go to the mhu and I'll go on holidays sounds fair. Lol

Jacques please remember there are people here for you. I know you can't see us but we are here. Try for me to break your days down into smaller pieces. It helps so you don't become overwhelmed. If an hour is to difficult try ten minutes, even if its listen to a song, read a post on bb, its so much easier to manage smaller distractions than become so overwhelmed with worry. Please J try if not for you do it for me. I need to see you fight this. There is no distraction too big or small I was in the Dr's and ended up counting the flowers on the carpet. Just something to take your mind off the worry and anxiety. Make a deal with yourself that at 3:00 you are going to allow 10 min to worry. Rember keep it simple eat, sleep, breathe......

J have you tried using your senses to distract.

Can you name five things you can see

Name five things you can hear

Five things you can touch eg are they smooth, rough, cold, soft, hard

Five things you can smell, eg essential oils, flowers, grass, soap, 

Five things you can taste this is a strange one but if you are really struggling biting into a lemon, spoon of honey, salt, chilli, are all good to ground you.

Anyway give it a go and tell me how you went.

I'm thinking of you J keep fighting I know you can get through this and I'm here to help.

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

i know we are both doing it tough, i just feel like i should be strong for you, and i am not, i wish their was something i could do to give you some reiefe if only for a while.

at the moment i would love to swap you, at least in the MHU i would be sedated, and not have to remember the time their, lol.

i just can't get it to work, i try not to worry, but i seem to be in a hightened state all of the time this past week, i just can't get control of it, i am petrified of leaving the house, i have not been on hollidays in 8 years, it is too hard for me, but mum needs the break, so i have no choice.

thank you so much, i know their is people here to support me, i spent all of last night watching documentaries on mental health, every time i tried to go to sleep the worry would kick in about the holliday and i would start  to shake, have to get up and watch another documentary.

sleep was the only way i could cope and now i can't even do that, i sometimes, when in serious distress, play music with headphones as loud as i can stand it, just to block out the thinking, but i was too adgitated last night to do that.

thank you Karen, i know you are their for me, as is Sparkles, i know i will make it through the holliday, just will not enjoy it, i would have to be the only person on earth who hates hollidays.

Take care Karen, Big Hugs

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey J

Just me again checking in on how you are going. Why do you have to live like this. Unfortunately its a battle for all of us. But there are things you can try to ease some of the symptoms. There is no magic pill but there are techniques that can help even if its a little bit better that something. But you need to try they take practice and time. You also want to help yourself even when giving up seems to be the only option. I'm here to tell you it not. You have a choice.

I'm not sure if you've heard of breathing meditation. Most of us when suffering anxiety forget to breath properly. I know who knew can't even get that right. Anyway try this see how you go.

The first stage of meditation is to stop distractions and make your mind clearer. Thats a good thing!!!

Sit with eyes open or closed whatever works for you and turn your attention to your breathing. Breathe naturally through your nostrils, and try and become aware of the sensations of breath as it enters and leaves your nostrils. Take a slow breath in and count to 5, then exhale slowly and count to 7.

Practice patently in this way, gradually distracting thoughts will subside.

It takes practice J but I know you can do it. Remember I'm giving you options to try and improve your quality of life. Its up to you now reach out J and help yourself I know you can do it. It can get better. You have to want it though. I believe in you and care.

Amber sets her alarm and practices every two hours as I said it takes time and practice but you will see results even its only a little bit that better than nothing. You've seen how much Amber improved her quality of life so it is possible.

Jacques I hope you get some rest tonight I'm thinking of you.

Karen

[angelite]

Hi J

Just wanted to see how you are going i know the nights are just awful for you. Its a new day the birds are singing I'm here for you and understand.

Take care my friend

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Karen & Sparkles,

this will be my last post ever, it has also become too difficult to say how i am feeling without violating the guidlines.  I am so sorry Karen, i liked talking to you and Sparkles, and all of the others on here, thank you all so much for the much needed support.

i will continue reading the forum posts but i will not reply any more, i understand that my osts are distressing to others and it is not fair to other forum users, Karen i wish you all the best, take care and i will follow your journey closely to see how you go, i hope one day you will be able to have your own home with lots of plants and plenty of wildlife.

Sparkles i am sorry i will not be able t congradulate you on your successful compleation of EEN, but an early congradulations anyway, i am so proud to have known you over this time.

once again thank you all for the help and support and merry christmas to you all.

Lots of Hugs Big & Little sisters

Jacques

[angelite]

Hi J

Yep it's me again bet you are sick of hearing from me. But I'm not going to give up on you. Remember I'm holding hope for you while you are unable.

Ive got another challenge for you today. I hope you are still practicing the others. When anxiety kicks in one of the first responses is your breathing if that is effected to throws your who body out of wack so it is very important to try and gain control over your breathing once you learn how to do that the other symptoms will be easier to manage. It takes practice J. And you have to have the desire for things to improve.

Ok mental imagery, I know its difficult to picture something nice. I like to think of the river where I sit, or the ocean. I thought if you got an image on your computer and looked at that eg a river with the sound of running water. I don't close my eyes to do this because of what I see when my eyes are closed is too disturbing, so I do this with my eyes open.

As you picture this image concentrate on your breathing listen to the sound of the running water breathe in count to five slowly out counting to seven, still looking at the image of the river, peaceful. Picture each urge/thought passing by on a leaf floating down the river watch as it floats away. Continue until the thoughts have subsided. As I said it takes practice. Give it a go J and while your looking at an image on your computer I will be sitting by the river doing the same. Thinking of you.

If I could come over J I would and help you, show you that there are options for a better quality of life. Take you step by step through these techniques but all I can do is support you from here please try. You won't see immediate results but with persistence they can help.

Let me know how you go.

Have to see the Dr again, exhausted, anxiety horrible, scared but still trying.

Give it a go J what have you got to loose.

BTW even sedated in the mhu its not something you forget.Oh I don't Luke holidays either. There is a posative J you will still be there with your mum, and that's a good thing.

Please be kind to your self.

Karen

[angelite]

Oh Jacques

I'm truly devastated by your news. I hope there was nothing I did to cause this decision. As I write this my heart is breaking into a million pieces. Why when I care about someone it has to include hurt and pain. J you are the only one that really understood me. I am grateful for your support and will be lost without you.

I wish you all the very best in your journey I will not forget your kindness. I have fought and got through some very dark times because of you, thank you J.

Please never give up be kind to yourself I will never forget the unconditional support you have given me.

Big hugs to you my friend.

Karen xx