panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[angelite]

Hi Sparkles

That's awesome that you are now qualified. What a great achievement, hope you get to take some time out to congratulate yourself for getting through. Treat yourself and be kind, you certainly deserve it. 

Am I correct in saying that you are moving as well. Wow you certainly don't mind huge challenges. I hope you are ok. I'm thinking of you.

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Thanks for the Flowers J

i hope u are having a better day, I did have a thought today that maybe I should go back to the GP,next week as I have noticed my depression and anxiety levels have started to get higher and something I learnt recently that with mental Heath when we notice our symptoms coming back of our symptoms starting to get worse that is when we should seek help, as when we hit our lowest point we no longer have the capacity to get the help we need. I have an appointment with my psych in 10 days and I have been doing my best to get better but nothing seems to work so maybe I have not got the right medication combination. But that is something I need to work on this week is going to the GP again.    

I am so glad u are back on the forums as I really enjoy talking to you and karen I think it is a step for all of us, you are learning to interact with others and I am talking openly about my mental health. I don't know if I accepted about my condition yet as I will not admit to my family or friends that is to big of a step for me so these forums are a great place that we can all feel safe talking about our struggles.

Karen, I was thinking of you through the week as I been learning a quite a lot lately with my nursing and my CBT course and I did write  something down that may be able to help u a little bit once I get some catch up sleep and find my note book I will post them for you. 

I hope you both have a good good weekend 

take care and be kind to your self 

sparkles 

[angelite]

Hey Sparkles

I'm sorry to hear thay you are struggling but I'm glad that you can recognize the symptoms and have made an appointment with your gp. You are right that if you let the symptoms become too bad it becomes so difficult to get the help needed, to the point where you become too unwell to help yourself. I'm so glad that you are in tune with your symptoms. I wish I had the opportunity to get help sooner. Better late than never.

I am very interested to hear any suggestions you have and look forward when you are up to it. I have learnt so much from the people here at BB, and I am so grateful for their help, guidance and support. It has given me the chance to understand what is happening to me and how to help myself.

Hope you get some sleep

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

today was ok, but i seem to have such low energy, i did the lawn mowing and pulled up some weeds, and cleaned & Polished my mountain bike and i had to sleep all afternoon because i was so exhausted, my energy levels are so low, i can only manage to stay awake for about 3-4 hours, maybe i will get some more energy when Christmas is over.

i think it is great that you are being proactive about your mental health, it is good to get on top of it before it becomes a problem, and it will probably be easier to get control over it when it is just starting, i am happy that you are now starting to recognize the symptoms, i think you are well on the way to managing your mental illness.

i am glad too, i was going to miss talking to you, but i am back now, and i hope we can continue to talk for a long time, i would really like that.  i struggle to talk to people because i am too comfortable talking about things i shouldn't be talking about, it makes people uncomfortable so i am going to try from now on to keep these things to myself.  i think most of my family know something is wrong with me, but none of them have spoken to me directly, i think they are worried how i will respond. 

you are going to make a great nurse your knowledge and wisdom from your own mental illness will be invaluable to your future career.

take care and have a good night, thinking of you my little sister.

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Thanks Karen,

i had the best sleep ever from 4pm until 5am but I think it was well needed. 

I have not made an appointment yet I just know I need to I can't go on Monday as that psych I reported will be in the office and just the thought of being being in the same place as him raises my anxiety levels. 

So I have got some tips for you  to think about. I know you have been through 24 years of abuse and that must of been hard we will never be able to change what you went through  but you can learn coping stradigies to be able to help u manage in the future.

Please remember you went through 24years of abuse you won't change over night it takes time with other health issues you may get an antibiotic and be better in 3 weeks but it is a lot longer process in mental health.

i just thought I will give you a list of manipulation you may come across to stop assertiveness so you will recognise when someone is trying to manipulate you. I know being assertive is something I struggle with and I often get manipulated and if you struggle with assertiveness let me know and we can discuss that later.

so here is a list of some manipulations that people can try on you, that can make it difficult but not impossible to be assertive.

1) the other person attempts to make u feel guilty

2) bringing up the past

3) blaming

4) emotional black mail

5) laughing

6) disappointment

7) putting u on the spot

😎 silent treatment

9) belittling u in front of others or putting u down

10) questioning your ability to do what your asking

11) wanting return in favours

12) pulling rank making u feel inferior, or interrupting and talking over u.

13) comparing you with others

14) crying.

i hope this have helped u a little bit to recognise when u are being manipulated

have a great day,

sparkles  

[angelite]

Hi Sparkles

Thanks for that I certainly can recognize a lot of those. I think it just be me though I let people walk all over me and never defend myself, never have. I just feel like I'm an easy target.

I'm so glad you managed to get some sleep.

I have an appointment tomorrow with a male psychiatrist, three hour trip, never been there, and of all things he specializes in dementia. I'm so anxious that he will just put me in the mhu. He doesn't even specialize in PTSD, depression, anxiety. My main trigger being men. Anyway my gp said if I don't go he will put me back in the mhu. I wish I could just say what I need. A male psych is not it. What a mess. I don't even know how I'm going to manage the waiting room let alone a man.

Hope you have a great day.

Hey J

A mountain bike wow do you ride much. At least when you are out riding you wouldn't have to worry about anyone talking to you. That's a bonus.

I don't have the words today I'm so worried about tomorrow, I tried to distract yesterday but not very successful. I'm just not sure how to manage when whatever I do I'm going to end up in a mhu. 

I know I'm not going to be able to speak to a male psych, I spent all my days avoiding that trigger.

J its just the small things you went outside, that's awesome, mowed and did some gardening, even better, then polished your bike what a fantastic day. You deserved a sleep after that. Don't forget to recognize what you have done be kind to yourself.

Karen

[jacques]

Hi sparkles,

Wow reading your recebt post on manipulation, was like reading a textbook on my mothers friends and some of her family.  I would see most of the list in them.

maybe that is why i am so hard on myself. I think i am believing what they say about me.

i am glad you had a good rest last night it is amazing how we can become so exhausted we can sleep all day.  I know with myself when i get a good nights sleep i feel better in the morning.

it must be tough gaving the psyc in the same place. I know when i see someone i used to know i freak out.  I almost start running away from them.  I just can't handle confontation.  It is good that he only works their a few days.

anyway i hope you are having a good sunday.

Take care my little sis.

Jacques

[angelite]

Hey J

Just saw the Dr he has given me something to help rest, not sure if that's a good thing. He says I have to go to the psychiatrist appointment tomorrow he is going to ring them to make sure I went. I feel so trapped either way, exhausted, anxiety awful.

i need to take some of my own tips and remind myself to stay grounded. Why is it when you need it most it is the hardest time to put it into practice. Need to get my note book out remind myself.

Thinking of you

Karen 

[angelite]

Hey Sparkles

Thanks for that. I know you are struggling ATM reach out for help if it gets too much you know the numbers.

Fight and stay strong

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen,

i am so glad to hear you are getting the help you need it sounds like you have a good doctor that wants to help you. I hope that this time the psych will be able to help and not give up on you. I hope the psych be able to give u the right combination of medication and talk therapy, I find often the things we say and tell others is hard to put into practice ourselves, u are doing well karen and have came along way so please be kind to yourselves. Your baby sister is so proud of u right now on making that step to see the doctor as I know it is hard for u. Good luck tomorrow. 

Take care

sparkles