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Chris_B Forums etiquette: give support to receive support
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, particularly any new members who may be reading. From time to time, we get contacted by members who are unhappy that they haven’t received a lot of replies to their posts. Our community champions work very hard to make sure that all newb... View more

Hi everyone, particularly any new members who may be reading. From time to time, we get contacted by members who are unhappy that they haven’t received a lot of replies to their posts. Our community champions work very hard to make sure that all newbies are welcomed when they first post, and we understand that it’s a big step to post for the first time on a forum like this, especially if you aren’t feeling great. It’s important to remember, though, that these forums are a community of real people, just like you, not a one-on-one support environment like going to see your psychologist. To get the best out of being here, one of the best tips we can offer is give support to receive support. Being a good community member means: participating in different threads (not just your own), replying to people who have taken the time to reply to you (even if it’s just to say thank you), and... posting words of emotional support and encouragement when you see others who are hurting and reaching out. You don’t have to feel obliged to solve the problems of others: that’s not what we’re here for. But you can offer empathy and what you’ve learned from your own life experiences, even if it’s just a line or two, eg. “I don't know what to say, but I want to give you my support and tell you I care about what is happening to you and hope life will get better soon.” Try to develop an interest in the journeys of others here on the forums. You may be surprised at how good being an active, caring member here can make you feel. For those of you who have had good experiences giving support here on the forums, please post in this thread here and let us know how it has helped you on your journey.

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Horrendous_Hexapod Anxious about love and relationships
  • replies: 1

As part of my recent obsessions, I’ve been looking into different information relating to love and relationships. I’ve never really been in a romantic relationship, mainly because I’ve never put myself out there, but I keep reading through all of thi... View more

As part of my recent obsessions, I’ve been looking into different information relating to love and relationships. I’ve never really been in a romantic relationship, mainly because I’ve never put myself out there, but I keep reading through all of this information by multiple people online about the supposed nature of women in relationships. On one hand, I’ve received information from studies in multiple countries that tend to show that women seem to prefer men with high income, or men that make more money than they do. On the other hand, however, other studies of multiple countries tend to show that more women are marrying into relationships with men who are less educated where they are the primary earners and even providing for them when unemployed. Some studies suggest that this is because they’re compensating for lower income with men of higher social status, but others suggest that women with higher income do have higher socioeconomic status, and that many of them are choosing to marry men from lower social classes. I’ve also received conflicting information about looks as well, as I’ve read that women prefer to date men taller than them or with a certain face shape, but I’ve also read that their preferences vary over environments and in different countries. There’s apparently hundreds of studies, some of which say different things, and I’ve read through some of them, but there’s so many of them that it’s just too daunting to try and read through all of these studies. I do want to be open minded to new information, but I also don’t want to waste potential hours of my life when I could be doing things I actually enjoy. Keep in mind that, while a lot of this information comes from academic sources, I usually heard about it from blogs and websites created by people with a certain worldview. I think the thing that worries me is the implications of some of the negative studies, as I sometimes worry that if I were in a relationship with a woman and I earned less or was less attractive, she wouldn’t really love me as a person. I’m sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, as I know this isn’t as serious as a lot of the issues others post on this forum, but it’s been weighing on me a lot over the last few years, and especially throughout the last few months.

Andre_P Anxiety, ocd, depression, crying, anger
  • replies: 1

To be honest I’m over it. This is the first time in awhile that I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m not suicidal but I am very tired. I haven’t attempted anything. I’m just over it. my anxiety gets so bad. When I finally do reassure myself n calm my... View more

To be honest I’m over it. This is the first time in awhile that I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m not suicidal but I am very tired. I haven’t attempted anything. I’m just over it. my anxiety gets so bad. When I finally do reassure myself n calm myself down I get depressed because of how much pressure I’m under. i then start to cry and eventually I can feel the rage burning through afterwards. im just sick of the world. Nothing excites me anymore, probably because I’m avoiding a lot of things because of triggers. Cuz if I get triggered then I have the anxiety to deal with and to calm down. I feel like I’m trapped between 4 guards. Anxiety (ocd), depression, sadness (crying) and anger really over it ay

sparrowhawk I think I have an eating disorder
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone. Early last year I was diagnosed with a chronic gastrointestinal disorder which causes me to regurgitate/vomit food unintentionally. It was itself triggered by a virus and can be impacted by stress, illness and traumas. I was pretty sick ... View more

Hi everyone. Early last year I was diagnosed with a chronic gastrointestinal disorder which causes me to regurgitate/vomit food unintentionally. It was itself triggered by a virus and can be impacted by stress, illness and traumas. I was pretty sick at that time, where I lost a lot of weight and was really feeling weak. I was treated in hospital and had amazing support from a dietitian and psychologist, and slowly gained a bit of strength and weight back. I've noticed that my issues have really progressed into the psychological. I'm underweight and feeling terrified of gaining weight. I have had to move to a new treatment, to help stop triggering my GI symptoms, and I think this has actually strengthened the disordered stuff as I can really reduce and control my calorie intake. Finding myself thinking a LOT about food. The thing is, I know it's not good to be restricting, and I know I need to eat healthily, but it's like these thoughts come so intrusively. My psychologist conducted an ED assessment the other day and she thinks I have anorexia. I am going to my GP to get it confirmed but to be honest I feel like that is really what it is. I feel like things are such a mess. I have very kind support from people. There's this huge need in me to talk about it with others but then an equally huge one to protect myself. Anyone else in a similar boat - how did you tackle things?

puggywug My Anxiety Story: Finally Putting a Name to my Intrusive Thoughts and Emotions
  • replies: 15

Hi everyone, I plan to use this thread to share and update my ongoing anxiety story so feel free to come along for the ride! Childhood My first encounter with anxiety was during primary school. Every night, I would have this feeling in my stomach whi... View more

Hi everyone, I plan to use this thread to share and update my ongoing anxiety story so feel free to come along for the ride! Childhood My first encounter with anxiety was during primary school. Every night, I would have this feeling in my stomach which ate me up. I would describe the feeling as similar to if you went to the airport and suddenly realised you forgot your passport. However, instead of going away, that feeling of your stomach dropping stayed with me forever. At the time, I would constantly think someone was coming to harm me. Fuelled by this thought, I would check the door was locked 10 times per night. I opened up to my parents about it at the time, however being raised in an Asian household where mental health is rather taboo, they dismissed my feelings. During my 6 years of primary school, every night I was terrified of sleeping because I knew that I would feel that dreaded feeling of foreboding doom. Highschool I went to a very competitive selective high school. Because of the overwhelming focus on academics coupled with adjusting to high school culture, I buried my anxiety under all my other stresses at the time which was not a good move. Present Day Currently, I am attending university. Because I never negotiated with my feelings for 10 years, I exploded and had a full blown panic attack 6 weeks ago and had to call the ambulance. It was the scariest thing I have experienced in my life. Since then, I have had 5 psych sessions. Now, when I feel my stomach drop or pressure in my chest, I am able to tell myself that it is anxiety. Putting a name to the emotions I have been feeling for ages is so empowering. Whenever I feel anxious now, I am able to not let it escalate to a panic attack. However, what I am struggling with now is that when I do feel anxious, I end up hyper fixating on those emotions and I can't stop thinking about them for the whole day which can be super debilitating. My mind struggles to live in the present, and I find myself just constantly fixating on my physical symptoms even after the stressful event is over. I would love any advice on how to recognize your anxiety, embrace the feelings which come with it and move on because constantly thinking about it has begun to negatively affect my social life :c Thanks for listening and any advice is more than welcome. I am also happy to expand upon anything as I had to skip a lot due to the short word limit. Remember that there is truly so much in this world to live for

huggie444 attempting to cope with a traumatic last 6 months
  • replies: 3

hi everyone I'm sitting here currently balling my eyes out and found myself on this forum page and thought why not give it a try. I am 16 and currently in such a state of mind that is almost impossible to explain and to be honest I don't quite unders... View more

hi everyone I'm sitting here currently balling my eyes out and found myself on this forum page and thought why not give it a try. I am 16 and currently in such a state of mind that is almost impossible to explain and to be honest I don't quite understand it myself. in July and September of last year, my two grandma's passed away. the first was very old so it was not a shock but my second grandma had only just turned 71 and had Alzheimer's disease. she deteriorated so quickly in 6 weeks and it was an absolute horrible experience and I could not even go to her funeral. this really affected me and I ended up locking myself in my room for 5 days and not speaking to anyone, isolating myself from my family, friends etc. on January 17 of this year it was just a normal day until we found a snake in my very 'bushy' backyard, and consequently my beautiful 4 year old jack Russel had been bitten. i was the one to find her and while still alive and conscious, I knew something was bad straight away.we rushed her to the vet while she was essentially dying on my lap and after 2 doses of the anti-venom and several hours later she could not be saved. two weeks later I got covid and had to isolate for 10 days and miss my first week of year 11. this is a general explanation of the last 6 months that have been far too graphic and traumatic for anyone let alone a 16 year old to handle. the past month I've been so out of touch with reality- I replay the traumatic events with my dog over and over in my head, saying goodbye while we had to put her down, me trying to soothe her in the car etc, to the point where I've wanted to wrap my hands around my head and scream. the thoughts are always so loud and I can picture it so clearly and its affected my sleep and my schooling. in the past week in particular has been the worst, I'm currently terrified that everyone I love is going to die and I jump to the worst possible conclusion with every little thing. I can't focus on school and have been zoning out to the point where I cannot hear anyone and have to be physically touched to essentially 'come back' to reality. I'm normally very good at concentrating on two things at once so this has deeply concerned me. I'm also having major sensory issues where everything is too loud and I feel like everything is closing in on me. I feel so alone and have completely isolated myself from everyone for the last four days again.all I want is a hug from someone.

JacintaMarie My feelings
  • replies: 40

Hi I have feelings that I have and when people don't respect them (if this is the correct word) I feel worthless. And when other people feel one way, I feel bad for not feeling that way, I'm sorry, that's the way I can explain, I 'm not explaining it... View more

Hi I have feelings that I have and when people don't respect them (if this is the correct word) I feel worthless. And when other people feel one way, I feel bad for not feeling that way, I'm sorry, that's the way I can explain, I 'm not explaining it well. For example, at work, I'm the only one who wears a short sleeve tee shirt & everyone else complains about the cold, I feel the odd one out for not feeling cold. I have made the mistake of explaining but this just makes them angry, they don't want to hear this, I've even said, perhaps the area is too large an area to heat up, the smaller the room, the quicker it is to heat, or is this completely wrong! I know, I know, I shouldn't say anything, I need to be prepared for the opposite reaction, because of this I don't want to talk at all, it's easy & no one needs to get angry if they don't like what they hear. I have been told though, if people get angry, it's a reflection of them not me. I just worry about things I shouldn't!

blueskiesfreshair Anxiety about my cat's health
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone. Back in December, my cat had some dental surgery and things went well. She ate well for a week afterwards, but then after that week, she started losing her appetite and having some diarrhoea. I took her back for checkups at the vet and t... View more

Hi everyone. Back in December, my cat had some dental surgery and things went well. She ate well for a week afterwards, but then after that week, she started losing her appetite and having some diarrhoea. I took her back for checkups at the vet and they couldn't find anything wrong. The lack of appetite was making me really worried as she was hardly eating, even though I was hand feeding her and trying all kinds of food. This worry was affecting my sleep severely, and I just felt like I kept telling all my family and friends about it constantly. I went to another vet for a 2nd opinion and this vet was amazing. Basically this vet listened to all my worries and answered my questions. He was gentle with my cat and very knowledgeable. In the end he thought that it was likely a gastrointestinal thing. Anyway, he suggested that we give her a 1/4 tablet anti-anxiety drug, and I asked him why, did he think my cat was anxious? And he said no, a side effect of this drug is that it blocks the satiety receptors so the cat thinks it's still hungry. Anyway she ate when I got home, and slowly her appetite began to return. I suspect it was the tablet got her started, and time helped her get back to normal. The problem is actually now with me. I formed a habit of writing down my cat's eating and toileting habits, mainly as information for the vet and myself. This notebook has become maybe another source of worry. Now I worry if she hasn't made a bowel movement every 2nd day (every 2nd day seems to be normal for her, the vet says it's common in indoor cats to go every 2nd day due to less exercise). Sometimes I worry if she vomits after eating too fast, or if I think she hasn't urinated enough. My friends are starting to get sick of me talking about her toilet habits, pretty much everyone insists she's fine now, no need to keep monitoring. But I feel letting go and stopping writing cold turkey is too hard. My concern is if I don't write stuff down, and forget an important detail when it's needed. However, there was a time I didn't clean the litter box as often, and I never used to write this stuff down, and she's been fine (must have been at least 6.5 years at least). She means a lot to me, deep down I know I've done all I can for her, and she's fine. I've been dealing with all this worry by meditating, journalling, talking to friends/family, going for walks etc. It's just I've never really worried like this before. I want to be the person I was before all this worry.

Beaser Staying in the comfort zone employement . Decisions
  • replies: 4

Hi . I find with my anxiety i struggle so badly when it comes to decisions. I recently applied for a new job and its been the first time in about 16 years. I was going well and gained a second interview. Unfortunately it all got the better of me , th... View more

Hi . I find with my anxiety i struggle so badly when it comes to decisions. I recently applied for a new job and its been the first time in about 16 years. I was going well and gained a second interview. Unfortunately it all got the better of me , the thought of changing jobs and the fact that my current employee knows of my problems and supports me with aa 4 day week and time for appts when i need it. I spoke up at the second interview and didnt go through with it . I am just scared of the expectations of a new position but i am desperately unhappy where i am . It is just so hard at times to know what to do. I also worry that i may have hijacked a good oppurtunity. I was wondering if anyone had any similar experiences and some advice. Brett.

spookedoutsum spiralling
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have no idea what i’m doing so I thought i would share my anxiety issues so i feel less alone. I just graduated school, and things couldn’t get much worse in regards to my mental health. As soon as I graduated I was thrown into the deep end,... View more

Hello, I have no idea what i’m doing so I thought i would share my anxiety issues so i feel less alone. I just graduated school, and things couldn’t get much worse in regards to my mental health. As soon as I graduated I was thrown into the deep end, working a minimum of 35 hours a week while still trying to condition myself to this new way of life. I am completely stuck and lost, losing control of my mental stability, emotions and anxiety. Work has been a root cause. Working in retail and suffering from severe anxiety i’m constantly challenging myself and never really get a break. Today, i called in sick for the first time in a while even though we are extremely understaffed and i’ve never felt so guilty. I feel guilty even though i was suffering from panic attacks just at the mere thought of going in. I feel like a weak person for not being able to fight through this and letting it get the best of me, like i can’t function like a regular person. I punish myself constantly for the way my mind works, which i know isn’t healthy, but i can’t help it. I’m currently freaking out right now, scared that my workplace will cut my hours purely based on my unreliability because i called in sick. I don’t want to feel useless, and i don’t want to be scared to go to work but these overwhelming feelings are getting the best of me and in times like this i can barely cope.

oldmate322 Loneliness and my thought patterns
  • replies: 13

Hi guys, i am trying to be kind to myself and acknowledge that this is a problem I should talk about, even though I know this may not be as serious as others are experiencing. I am a 32 year old Sydney resident for at least 5 or so years now. I have ... View more

Hi guys, i am trying to be kind to myself and acknowledge that this is a problem I should talk about, even though I know this may not be as serious as others are experiencing. I am a 32 year old Sydney resident for at least 5 or so years now. I have frequently experienced loneliness throughout my life, as well as GAD and some minor depression, and have had few relationships and/or encounters. The last serious relationship I was in was 2 years ago and I have not dated or indeed been intimate with anyone since that time until very recently. For all intents and purposes I have a good life. I live in a nice suburb, in a nice apartment, have kept my job as a legal adviser during COVID and otherwise am comfortable. Logically I have a good thing going, yet I constantly battle with loneliness and isolation. I have very few friends in the city, and tend to get very nervous and/or fatigued trying to find/engage in new activities. Recently, I became friends with an amazing girl who has some of her own mental health problems. We became close friends and have been intimate at least twice. However she has since expressed that whilst she loves me as a friend, she is not interested in pursuing a relationship. I knew this when we were intimate and had resigned myself to this, but through helping her through an episode recently and through not having much in the way of other close relationships, I have fallen for this girl. I have expressed this to her, and she has let me down gently. I obviously don’t blame her, and do not expect that she will reciprocate my feelings simply because I have them, but nevertheless it has triggered me to have a strong bout of loneliness, which is bordering on depression. Most importantly, my inner critical voice has stirred up as a result, and I am becoming very unkind to myself about my perceived failings in my romantic life. Recently I have been taking steps to try and recognise these negative thought patterns, but every time I think about this girl, and the fact she has started dating others, I feel an immense sadness, which sometimes triggers off these thoughts. I guess my question is: should I do something within these sad moments, or should I continue to allow myself to feel these sad moments to help process the pain. I’m concerned that whilst I should allow myself to feel sad without judgement, if I don’t actively take steps to combat these moments, that it may turn into a cycle of self pity. Thanks