Is this social anxiety?

[OceanPhoenix]

So for some time, I have been struggling to interact with others specifically strangers. It would take me like 10minutes to get the courage to call the hairdressers for example on the phone and the whole time I would just stare at the call button. Other times it would be like me ordering food in person although I do it much more easily I still feel a bit anxious when doing it. Then there would be the case when strangers approach me I won't speak or speak very very quietly. All of this has happened on multiple occasions but I never thought it could be something more until about 2 years ago. I was told that I was just very shy which was possible as I was a very very shy kid when I was younger and I'm introverted as well. I was told that I should stop "making up disorders". It made me feel like my feelings were a figment of my imagination and I was just making it up. Yes, I searched up symptoms of social anxiety but it won't compare to an actual diagnosis. This is why I am here. I am interested to know how other people have coped with similar struggles.

[yggdrasil]

Hey OceanPheonix,

Thank you so much for posting on here! Your post touches on some delicate and complex questions.

I haven't suffered from serious social anxiety since I was young, so I'll leave it to others to comment on that specifically.

I wanted to say however, that you're the expert on how and what your feeling. While professionals and the people around you can help you learn about different strategies for improving your mental health, only you know what you're really feeling. You know you're not making up how the experiences you described above impacted you, no matter what anyone else says.

I think the important thing is that you've identified some patterns in your life which are at times constricting, and you want to address them. Learning about the very serious cases of social anxiety out there, and trying to adapt any therapeutic strategies to your own challenges, is I think totally valid, regardless of whether a professional were to ever ascribe a formal diagnostic label of "social anxiety" to you.

I read a book about mental health called "The Antidote" a long time ago. In the book, the author is advised to do small embarassing things in public, to try to get over his fears of what other people think about him. For example, he is told to say the names of train stations out loud as the train approaches them. These tiny little embarassments helped him gradually learn to stop worrying disproportionately about what other people thought of him. I used versions of this strategy myself, to great effect, even though I've never been told by anyone else I had a "disordered" fear of other people's judgement, I just decided myself that my feelings were out of proportion, and that I wanted to address them.

In general, you'll find a whole spectrum of opinion out there about whether it's even valuable to be labelled with specific mental health diagnoses. Some people find it reassuring. Other people find it frustrating because diagnoses are often uncertain. Mental health is a new, and far from exact, science.

I hope that disordered jumble of thoughts is useful to you in some way. Please keep posting to tell us more about your situation. 🙂

[james1]

Hey OceanPhoenix,

Thanks for your post, it can be very hard to interact with others and I'm glad you've made this post as it's something that many people struggle with.

I'm sorry to hear others have told you to stop making up disorders. I imagine that would feel both really confusing and hurtful, as it seems like they're dismissing something that you are feeling. I think yggdrasil is absolutely spot on when they said that you are the expert on how you are feeling. Labels or not, your feelings are real and it's very unfair for people to dismiss them like that.

Do you think an actual diagnosis would help you? Some people here have said that it was helpful for them to just have someone confirm that they had anxiety. For me, I found it less helpful to get a diagnosis of depression and more helpful to just get a good support system around me including my closest friends, family and a psychologist.

James

[OceanPhoenix]

I feel like a diagnosis woukd be heloful because for years I felt like I had something but it was never confirmed and when people asked i would have to state "I may have...". What Im trying to say is that I was always uncertain and I feel like once it is diagnosed people around me will take it more seriously mainly my family. They wouldn't believe I had anything until the doctor told me or them thus why I would like to get a diagnosis. For the peace of mind and to solve all the uncertainties I had over the years.

[OceanPhoenix]

Yeah I also heard about this method although I never fully wanted to test it just because I was concerned if I did it I may get scared or really anxious and that will lead to the situation escalating. Also something to note is I find it extremely difficult to place myself in these situations and on the daily I do whatever I can to avoid them so I dont know how effective this method would be. Yes I can force myself into that situation but I just fear the outcome of it. And dont worry the rest of your post made sense so thank you 🙂

[yggdrasil]

That makes a lot of sense - getting input and diagnoses from health professionals would lend some outside "authority" to what you're telling your family. Have you ever spoken to your GP about this? If you're uncomfortable talking about it with your current GP, you can call around some clinics and ask if they have a GP with experience/expertise in mental health, particularly anxiety.

GPs can help set up "mental health care plans". These give you access to up to 20 free sessions with a psych per year. Going through these steps may help the people around you understand the seriousness of what you're experiencing, although sometimes people will remain skeptical/in-denial no matter what you do. All the best 🙂