Uni, Friends & Poverty.

[sunderland]

My friends are all 18-25, university age and all of them are in uni or planning to be.

I am happy that they have this opportunity but all they ever talk about is school as if it's the most normal thing in the world-- I can't afford university, I couldn't even finish year 12 because of my home life falling apart.

I can't add anything to the conversation because if I do, I'll just bring down the mood and make it sad. But it makes me feel like shit that I can't pursue I what I want, that I'm always denied work even when I have experience because I don't have a bloody level 2 certificate or I wasn't able to finish year 12.

Then to see my friends who are privileged enough to get into good schools skipping classes all the time and doing nothing but complaining...it makes me really upset. But again, I can't say shit.

[Croix]

Dear Sunderland~

I'm glad you came here, it's a place where you can get the thoughts and experiences of others, and they go way beyond school/uni.

Yes some peole do have privilege, and some of them realize the fact and take advantage of it. However many take it for granted and fritter away the chances. Being handed life on a platter can make for shallow people. No good pointing this out to them even if you are tempted to do so. After all until you have faced adversity you really have not seen all of life - or learned how to deal with it.

It sounds like your friends have small horizons, maybe school/uni is all they know so it is all they talk about, and I'd not be surprised if there was an element of competition there.

You on the other hand have not had it so easy, between the breakup of your family (a huge thing in a person's life) and having to leave school early. Then those job knock-backs. That would give you a lot to talk about in the right circumstances.

Finding common ground is difficult, not only becuse of their preoccupations but also becuse they a different sort of person, as I'd tried to point out.

I doubt very much if your circumstances will remain as they are, it only takes one chance -and you are just the sort of person who will value it. As well the future may hold opportunities for more education if that's what you'd like.

At the moment I'd guess that getting a job is the hard thing, and true, it is not easy. In fact I sympathise with and admire those that keep plugging away despite knock-backs or what's worse, no response at all.

Sometimes I found that volunteering lead to jobs, is that something you've thought of?

While you are coping with all this do you have anybody to keep your spirits up? A family member or one of your friends perhaps? Just having somebody sensitive and cheerful to be with can make a big difference.

So can doing things you enjoy, anything from sport to books - you'd know best. Doing something you enjoy on a daily basis realy does have positive effect.

I hope to hear from you again, after all we are here for you

Croix

[Sophie_M]

HI there, sunderland!

Firstly, thank you very much for choosing to join our community! We are glad you are here and hope you will get a lot out of contributing and receiving ideas and kindness. 

It is always important to hold onto the truth that we all have our own unique paths, our own timeframes of achievement, completion and growth, and our needs and wants in the world - this is universally true, and a fact that the more finance-driven parts of our society encourage us to forget! 

But regardless, it can truly hurt when it feels our path is incompatible with people that we really want to remain connected with. But many relationships can last with effort in finding common ground and prioritising time together. Comparisons make this challenging. Always remember, no one else alive is qualified to be you, so trying to be someone else deprives us of something important - someone who can survive the challenges of your past, give your brand of awareness to the present and grow into your future.

Try to avoid diminishing the value of you having made it through the difficulties at home - it might have led you down a path where your original ideas of goals to achieve by your twenties have been pushed back, but it may allow you to achieve them with a greater awareness of yourself and others. Opportunity yet awaits - don't miss out because you are not expecting it!

In the meantime, sunderland, we can certainly observe in your words the fatigue and sadness of what you have experiences, and we want to remind you that we are here to support you in any way we can. Please consider giving us a call on 1300 22 4636 or click here to start a webchat. You can reach out 24/7

Please take good care meanwhile and move with eyes and heart open!

Thank you for being here,

Sophie M.
 

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. Thank you very much for being open. We are all here to support you, rant as much as you want and express how you feel. We are not here to judge but instead provide you with support and love.

It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment. It is hard when you see your more privileged friends complaining because you wish you had that. You have been strong for getting through all of this. You can still achieve what you want. There are many services to support you.

There are many support services that can provide you with financial support. I have linked a few:

https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/youth-allowance

https://www.uac.edu.au/future-applicants/fees/financial-assistance-for-universityhttps://www.studyassist.gov.au/support-while-you-study/student-payments

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.

[sunderland]

I want to thank you for this in particular; "I doubt very much if your circumstances will remain as they are, it only takes one chance -and you are just the sort of person who will value it." it does give me a lot of hope.

As for volunteering, I just have the time or money to go for an unpaid position, even though it's something I'd like to do.

I can't say I have anyone I can rely on either, all my friends are vulnerable in some way and I tend to play the role of the cheerful sensitive one while my mother and brother are both disabled and are really relying on my to bring in some money since the child support stopped and I'm the only one who can work.

What makes me happy is my bird, but he's a handful in his own right because I adopted him from a bad home, he struggles to feel comfortable around humans but he's come a long way from when we first got him and he is a big morale booster.

[sunderland]

Thank you for the resources, something I struggle with is not knowing where to go...this causes a lot of distress because I'm so used to handling everything on my own. I'll certainly check them out, thank you.

[Croix]

Dear Sunderland~

I'm happy you thought my words gave a bit of hope, they are true after all.

Another resource you may not have considered (my apologies if you have) as your mum and brother depend on you is:

www.carergateway.gov.au/about-carers

You bird sound just the sort of thing to give you a lift, you are not the only in the Forum that takes great joy from their birds. Would you mind if I asked what sort it is?

Croix