Teenager that is lying constantly

[cm-mum]

I am hoping to please be given some guidance on how to deal with my 14 year old son who is constantly lying. I can’t believe anything he says anymore as he lies about even the most trivial thing. His lies make me feel like I’m going crazy and he turns things back onto me. I feel it could be a personality disorder but have no idea where to go or what to do first. Other times I’ve tried to get help for him with councillors He was put on a list and I’ve never heard back. I really need some help. Thank you 

[Sophie_M]

Dear cm-mum
 
Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We want you to know that this is a safe space to discuss your thoughts, feelings and experiences and receive honest responses and suggestions from fellow forum users.
 
It can feel so frustrating, hurtful and can make you feel angry when your child continually lies to you; nobody enjoys the feeling of anyone trying to manipulate them, least of all our children so it’s completely understandable as to why you are feeling the way you are right now.  In terms of coping, it sounds like you are doing well so far in keeping calm; this is important as dishonesty is most commonly rooted in fear; becoming angry will only add to the fear your son may be holding on to and is likely to make him become more defensive.  Your son is also more likely to be truthful when he know you are genuinely listening and reinforcing the importance of trust for example, reassuring him that you will still love him, no matter what it is that he is trying to hide.  In terms of possible trauma or personality disorders, we will always encourage you to speak with a mental health professional, have you tried speaking with your family GP?  This might be a good first step into finding out what’s going on for your son.  Please know that you are also doing your best as a Mum and remember to be kind to yourself as you navigate this.
 
While you await a response to your post, please remember that in addition to the forums, we are also here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our Webchat.  Our team who answer the phones are ready to have a supportive and non-judgmental chat whenever you need it.
 
We’re sure to hear from some of our lovely community members here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you.  Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.
 
Regards 
 
Sophie M
 

[geoff]

Hello cm-mum, teenagers have a tendency to not tell the truth as they begin to develop into becoming an adult, as their life experiences certainly differ than a few years ago, which they may be frightened to mention to you, so he may feel embarrassed to tell you, especially as it's new to him, like kissing someone.

If he wants to contact Kidshelpline.com.au 1800 55 1800 by phone, web chat or online, these type of counsellors adjust to what the problem is all about and can help him.

Can I also suggest you see your doctor and askfor a referral to see a psychologist on a mental health plan, which entitles you to 20 Medicare paid sessions per year.

Please when you are able to get back to us.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[jaz28]

Hi there,

I am sorry you are dealing with this! But, he is only a young teenager and I feel like lies to an extent are normal. I know I used to hide some things from my parents...but now my mum is my best friend, I tell her everything 😂

If it is impacting your life, I would do as others have suggested and see your GP for a mental health care plan, hopefully, that can get you in with a psychologist quicker.

Jaz xx

[LP49]

I totally understand what you are going through. Someone once told me a supposed joke...Q: how do you know when a teenager is lying? A: Their mouth is open. 

I'm sure it's not everyone's experience but, despite my every effort to maintain open communication and try and 'modern parent', I'm just as lost as confused as you. Headspace offers hope, but only if your child will willingly participate. If you hear of any other help available I would appreciate any help you can give. You are not alone and just sharing on here shows you are a loving and concerned parent. I wish us all hope and trust that we've done the best we can.