Hi EGB
I think sometimes it can be hard to tell the truth because we don't know the entire truth our self. So, it becomes a matter of getting to the bottom of the things, so as to find the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Could it be true that your sense of wonder is so extreme that it leads you spend money you can't afford to spend? 'I wonder what it would be like to have this and that. I wonder if this or that will make me happier or lead me to become more excited in life. I miss feeling excited'. Could it involve wonder mixed with a great imagination, where you can easily imagine (see through your mind's eye) that thing you buy making all the difference? Could the truth be you don't want to be completely honest because you don't want to feel your husband's feelings of disappointment. Could it be that if you don't tell the truth out loud then you won't have to face emotions you don't want to feel? Could the truth be you don't want confrontation? Could it involve you not knowing how to gain highs out of things that cost nothing or next to nothing? Could there be a bit of research in finding stimulating ways to live without spending a lot? Could it involve spending to not feel depressed? Could it involve the need to develop skills in emotional self regulation? That one can definitely be a tough challenge, for sure. A lot of questions but if there's one thing I've found when it comes to any significant quest in life, there can be a lot of questions. A quest for the truth is no exception.
While it's easy for people to say to us 'Just stop the behaviour', it's not always as easy as just suddenly stopping. Can be hard to stop a behaviour that we're not entirely conscious of. Sometimes, when it comes to being honest, the best start is to admit the only truth we're conscious of, 'I don't know why I behave this way. I have no idea and I have no idea how to find out all the reasons'. I find it can make a huge difference when I surround my self with people who are prepared to wonder with me, this way I'm not left alone to wonder (which can actually become depressing in some cases). Finding people to wonder with us can be good for our mental health. I'm wondering whether researching 'Retail therapy' and the psychology and even physical chemistry behind it might be of some help when it comes to gaining a greater sense of self understanding. Could it involve an addiction? Not all addicts are honest (with themself or others). For example, as a gal who's an emotional eater, I tend to hide my purchases from the supermarket and feed my addiction when I'm alone.
I wish you only the best on your quest to find the truth. You've got this, you can do it. 🙂❤️
