new member ?

loouuiiee · ‎23-02-2016

Hi there

im unsure if I'd class myself as a 'new' member but I'm defiantly inexperienced.. I've visited the site a few times, I read quite a few threads, but I'm a little shy so quite often I don't post.

I'm a 23year old female with anxiety & depression. my psychologist believes I also have borderline personality disorder & is planning on testing me for this.

Despite being only young I have had my fair share of tough experiences & been in many harmful situations and relationships.

I live alone & have been feeling really down because I get so lonely & just want kind, honest people to talk to & to offer me their advice.

i have never had a problem with making friends but because I've had such an unstable past I have so much trouble keeping friends.

im a very generous, sweet natured person.

i work with kids and I love my job.

I also love animals & being outdoors.

Anyone who has similar interests or experiences to myself I would love to hear from you please 🙂

Thankyou xx

Lost_Girl · ‎13-03-2016

Hi Loouuiiee,

Just checking in to see how you are. If you have some time I'd love to hear from you.

Thinking of you,

Carol

loouuiiee · ‎19-03-2016

Thankyou for thinking of me! 🙂 things have become a bit more rocky... on a professional note I have been moved to a different campus for work because I was sexually assaulted at my previous campus.

I didn't want to move to a new workplace as I felt the sexual assault was more behaviour from a student who was simply confused. he does have special needs and we all know how teenage boys can be... I know this shouldn't be any kind of excuse for what he did, but I felt it would be a more positive step for him to be able to learn from his behaviour. My workplace of course was extremely concerned about my welfare and insisted that I be placed at another campus away from this student. i understand fully that what has been done is for the best , but the new campus I am at is much more challenging & I am struggling. I think it will be a good learning experience, but it is pushing me to the limit physically & emotionally every day and I'm doing my best not to get too worn out & stressed out. I benefit from stability and routine so I think it will take me a while to get used to my new workplace. I'm just trying to adapt to the change as quickly & as best as I can.

loouuiiee · ‎19-03-2016

On a more personal note; I have started spending time with a new guy who seems really nice, is happy to take things slowly, and has been very supportive & 100% there for me through this whole difficult situation at work. The only problem is; he is the brother of a girl I befriended a few months ago during TAFE training for work. She is FURIOUS that I am spending time with her brother& has completely stopped talking to me. She is fully aware that I suffer anxiety & depression, that I live on my own, that I am struggling financially and that I recieve virtually no forms of support from my family. She was basically my only friend & she absolutely HATES me now! He seems to really like me and the rest of the family seem to really like me too. they have tried numerous times to tell her that it's nothing to be upset about, that I still want to be her friend & that I never wanted the friendship between me & her to be affected. She's not having a bar of it & is making things so difficult I am starting to wonder if I should stop making contact with her, her brother & the entire family 😕 I never meant to cause any problems...I believe that she is jealous because she wants to find someone and she has been unsuccessful so far and has been single for a long time. I have always tried to give her advice about meeting people & dating, which is why we became good friends, I was her go-to person for advice. I can understand why she might be upset at me, but I don't really think it is as big a deal as she is making it out to be. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months & I assumed that with time she would calm down & things would be OK between us ... now I'm starting to doubt this. i have tried apologising, I have tried reasoning with her. All she says is that she is really angry & doesn't want to speak to me.Does anyone have any advice on what I could do to possibly try and to improve this situation?

loouuiiee · ‎21-03-2016

New workplace is really taking its toll on me 😞

Lost_Girl · ‎21-03-2016

Hi Loouuiiee,

So sorry to hear about the assault and the changes as a result. They probably have rules in place on how to manage things like that.

Changing jobs and locations are always stressful. I am sorry to hear that it's so tough on you right now. I think you were right thiugh when you said it will take a while to get used to. Once you do I am hopeful things will get easier. Is there anything specific getting you down about it?

I am glad you have found a guy that is so thoughtful and caring for you. Sich a shame about your friend. That must make it so hard. I have been in a similar position when I was younger. I met up with my friends older brother by chance only having met him a few times a few years earlier at her home. He was 8 years older than her and I. Anyway I started dating him and didn't think anything much of it and was shocked that when my friend found out she was super angry with me and I had no idea why and she wouldn't talk to me. All she really said was how could you?

I couldn't understand at all. Surely having your friend date your brother would be a good thing? Anyway the relationship only lasted a few months as we realised we wanted different things. I didn't talk to my friend for over a year but then we met up and things were fine again. However never quite the same. She invited me to her wedding but over the years we have lost touch.

Now the difference in my situation is that her and I were not spending a lot of time together when that happened. It sounds like you were really close with this girl. Is it possible that she resents you spending time with him and not her? Maybe she feels like she's lost you to him. If you were her go to person maybe she feels she doesn't have that anymore.

You mentioned you can understand why she is upset with you. Has she told you why she's upset? It might help me give you better advice if you know why?

Dealing with both these things at the same time is tough. Hang in there. I look fforward to hearing from you.

Cheers,

Carol

loouuiiee · ‎25-03-2016

Dear Lost Girl,

things are difficult at work because the children I am working with are very high needs. They are non-verbal and are quite physically strong which is daunting as i am very petite. I get hit, kicked, scratched, spat at in my face and hit in the face several times a day. The children are very loud, messy and agressive at times. They have various learning difficulties and disabilities so of course I fully understand their behaviour & know that it's not personal and they can't help it. But it is a very difficult sort of environment for myself as it causes quite a lot anxiety and it is VERY different to the environment I was working in before. Same title, same job, same pay; but VERY different conditions! I'm struggling to keep positive when I am repeatedly getting hit, pushed, spat at and screamed at all day long. I am considering looking for a job at a different school, but being the time of year that it is I think I might struggle to find jobs availabile. Also I LOVED the role I was doing before at the other campus (with the more independent teenage students) and wish that I could work in that kind of setting again.

... I do think my friend thinks she has lost me to her brother. This is why I said I understand she is mad. But I have tried to show her & tell her countless times that this is not the case. I believe she is just using this as an excuse because she is jealous because she is struggling to find someone and probably thinks she would rather be alone than be friends with me again. She is quite happy to try and ruin her brothers happiness with me and I think it is all because of her dislike for me now. She has zero interest in how he feels, she just keeps complaining about herself! the family is getting sick of it but doesn't want to upset her so I'm being excluded from everything now in order to keep her happy.

I don't feel like there is a solution to this problem besides me riding it out. We used to be close but perhaps now she is showing her true colours.

She knows I'm going through a lot and is determined to make things more difficult. I no longer consider her a true friend.

Lost_Girl · ‎25-03-2016

Hey Loouuiiee,

Sorry to hear you are having to deal with so much. It would be hard to work in that environment. Are you able to talk to your supervisor and let her know how you are feeling?

It is a tough situation with your boyfriend and your friend and their family. I think if it were me I'd be wondering if it was worth it due to the effect on them and you. I am very big on getting away from complicated or negative situations but everyone is different and sometimes it's easier said than done. I also know you miss your friend too.

You have a lot of strength despite these situations, well done!

I am going to ask a friend I have made on these forums to come and see if she can offer some advice. Her name is Grace and she is closer to your age and has a beautiful view of the world and offers great advice.

Here for you,

Carol xx

blondguy · ‎25-03-2016

Hi loouuiiee

Just saying hello and I am sorry for the bad place you have been in

Carol is not only a caring kind person by mentioning to avoid negative and overly complex situations if you can.

I do hope that Grace who is a wonderful person and is in your age group will pop in and say hello too 🙂

I just would like to compliment you on the great help you gave to Emmy today...:-) Great advice and thankyou for being there for her in her time of difficulty during her traineeship!

You are very kind and thankyou loouuiiee

Kind Thoughts

Paul

Graceeeeee · ‎25-03-2016

Hey dear Loouuiiee!!

You seem like a very sweet girl! I am popping by and saying hi to you 🙂 I am turning 16 next month and have had my fair share of depression and anxiety too. I also love animals, I have a golden retriever at home back in China, his name is Lucky and he is 6 years old this year. I am currently living in a boarding school in Sydney city and have lots of friends in day school. I understand what you mean by it's hard to keep friends, as I have moved to another city when I was 8, then came to Australia last year, so I have definitely lost some friends in the process too.

I am very glad to see the mast posts you have made! And I'm sorry to hear about what's happened with your Tafe friend, but I don't think you should stop talking to them, since the whole family likes you, maybe you can try breaking the ice through them, telling them to reason with her etc, I think if you like the guy then you should keep talking to him. I have this good friend at work but everyone started 'harassing us' because he is 21, they are friendly 'harassing' us but I guess it's still taken its toll on the friendship. This might be different to your story 😛 But I guess I just try to not give up on the relationship because I really value it 🙂 Hope some random advices have helped you a bit!!

Anyways, whenever you feel alone you are always safe to talk about whatever you feel like here, no judgement but just 100% listening, understanding, love and support! I am very glad you have joined this lovely community! 🙂

Have a very lovely evening Loouuiiee! And a relaxing Easter break too!

With Love,

Grace xx

loouuiiee · ‎03-04-2016

Thank you to everyone for your kind words 🙂

Grace; your strength, kindness and wisdom having moved around a lot yourself and working and studying also are inspirational!

I think I am going to start looking for a new job after this school term is over. It's noone's fault what has happened at my work & I can't change the nature or environment of the classroom as these kids simply cannot help their behavior. I'm sure if they could then they would. I feel quite guilty that I cannot help them as it's not like they asked to be that way. They are all amazing kids with beautiful personalities, but I can't help feeling afraid when they lash out physically and anxious in the loud, messy and chaotic environment. I wish I could help, but I didn't ask to suffer from anxiety & depression either. So it seems like me and this new classroom I've been placed in are just not a good fit for each other & the kids would benefit from having someone with more experience & confidence than I do. I'll do my best, but ultimately I think I need to find a classroom which is less demanding in terms of the high needs of its students.

I've always been interested in youth work & am considering volunteering on weekends to gain some experience in that industry.

I am still speaking to the guy. Im hoping if I stay resilient maybe his sister (my TAFE friend) will realize im not going anywhere & we can patch things up in the future. I think she is overreacting, but she is quite young in comparison to myself and her brother so an immature reaction may be the only way she knows how to respond to the situation at the moment. I'm taking a step back, but still maintaining contact with just him for now to see if things improve over time.

im still really lonely having no friends and no family to spend time with ... I wonder if there are like mentors or 'big sisters', like people who are older & wiser and volunteer to take you under their wing a little and meet up with you for a coffee and advice occasionally. Does anyone know if such a thing exists in Melbourne?