Ocd thoughts and obsessions as a child

[Marilyn-Monroe]

Hi, I'm new here, I'm 17, female, and have general anxiety, OCD and Depression.

My OCD has been really bad lately. I mostly suffer from obsessions and intrusive thoughts. The thoughts have caused a LOT of anxiety as they are violent or sexual and about my pets and young family members. It really hurts me because i absolutely adore animals and children, especially those in my family. My main concern though is some things in my childhood that i don't know how to figure out.

From when i was about 9 to about 14 was a highly disturbed time for me, i don't like to think about it let alone tali about it. From the age of 9 to about 12 i used to have disturbing thoughts in my head and i don't think they were necessarily intrusive. I made up certain violent scenarios and played them in my head and drew them. I knew they were wrong and certainly didn't want them to happen in real life but i don't know what else i was thinking? My parents let me watch horror movies when i was young, and I'd had a pretty unsettled time but i don't know?

Also I've been very paranoid since my counselor mentioned psychosis to me after i told him about my intrusive thoughts, which are really textbook ocd, but i still can't stop thinking about it. My speech patterns have changed over this year (which is a symptom) and i do get paranoid about people talking about me, i have developed bad memory and attention span. Sometimes i even get distracted in the middle of a sentence like i was talking to my friend and then i saw a book about James Dean, i was like "oh yeah and the homework was - oh my god its James Dean i love James Dean" i know that's not a good example but I've done it other times and it's making me paranoid.

Can anyone help or relate?

[Zeal]

Hi Marilyn,

Welcome to the forum! 😄

I'm 23, female, was diagnosed with OCD at 13, and had mild depression in my teens. The OCD is still with me, and connects to my phobia of vomit, which I've had since I was a child. My obsessive thoughts involve germs, illness and contamination. My main compulsion is that I excessively wash my hands. The intrusive thoughts must be really distressing. I've read about this aspect of OCD, and it unfortunately seems to be a fairly common symptom. However, the nature of people's thoughts are unique.

I'm really sorry to hear that you've had disturbing experiences from a young age that were beyond your control. If you don't mind me asking, do you feel comfortable around your parents/your family now?
Have you been seeing the counsellor for long? Going to your doctor (GP) is often a good starting point. You're over 16, so you can have medical appointments without parental involvement. If you feel your counsellor is not on the right track with your diagnoses, talking to your doctor about this is wise. I feel that seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist would be more appropriate for the treatment of your mental health, owing to their qualifications.

Your intrusive thoughts, as you may well know, do not reflect on you as a person and are not things you would ever act on. OCD is so complex and unique to the individual. Please see your doctor about this confusion regarding psychosis. I very much hope you do not have psychosis.

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

SM