New Here

[Jade12]

Hi, this will be my first post. I am a bit nervous and not sure what to do but its nice to know there are people out there going through something similar to me. Sometimes its just nice to talk to someone about it who doesnt judge you. I have chemical depression and currently am on meds. I have been suicidal, and self harmed but lately have been developing people to support me when things get hard.

[Jade12]

Today I am feeling a bit alone, nobody's home. My boyfriend goes to Uni full time so he pretty busy, I see him most weekends. The thing with mum is that when she sees me depressed, it makes her depressed and she cant handle seeing me sad. She either gets angry at me and tells me to get over it, which as you would probably know it doesnt work like that,  and then leaves me or threatens to take me to the emergency ward or mental institute. I dont want to upset her so now I mostly try to hide it from her. I dont know why she doesnt understand if she is dealing with the same thing. I will be getting my P's soon so I may be able to drive myself to my GP but up until now mum or dad usually takes me, but only to get a prescription repeat. My boyfriend doesnt have a car or his P's so he wouldn't be able to take me, but when I can drive I think it would be good to bring him with me. Sometimes its easier to talk to someone you know and quite often I dont know how to answer some of the questions they ask.

My weekend has been okay, I am having a decent week. I stayed with my boyfriend most of the weekend and usually that helps, we went for a swim and he makes me laugh. That pretty much the highlight of my week and helps get me through. My school year has been going pretty well I have been doing okay in my subjects. I find that because I have depression it's difficult to make friends. Most people are judgemental and I find it really hard or more so sad when they joke about it or make fun of it. When I am depressed I dont enjoy things I normally would everything seems dark and dreary.

Thankyou Neil, you are so kind to listen to me like this. 🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi Love

 Thanx again for coming back and writing. That sounded like a nice weekend that you had with your boyfriend and I particularly liked the part where you said he makes you laugh.  Hold on to him … that’s a great skill and believe me Love, laughter is something that doesn’t come to we sufferers very easily, so at those times really hold and cherish those moments.  It’s very good signs.

That is disappointing news with regard to you Mum especially seeing as she’s fighting her battles as well.  I know you couldn’t do this, but it would be an interesting thing to turn it back on her (ps:  don’t do this Love, I’m only telling you this) and say to her, “ok, well you get over it too”.   I know you won’t do that, but it’s so amazing talking to you because you do seem way more mature than your age – when you came back and said, “it doesn’t work like that”.  It sure doesn’t. 

How about your Dad?  Is he of the stereotypical mindset as well of what depression is?

That is an excellent idea about taking your boyfriend along when you’re able to go to the GP on your own.  That will be so beneficial to you (and for him to help to understand a bit more about it and hopefully obtain some tips, tricks for coping mechanisms for supporting and helping you).

You’re so right that it makes it extremely hard to make friends when you’ve got this illness … and the dark and dreary feelings that go with it as well. 

 Hey I was just thinking … at your school, is there a counsellor or someone similar to that kind of role?   It’s just a question off the cuff, but would there be any advantage for you to speak with the counsellor about how you’re going and the struggles that you’re having?  It was just a thought, but then I thought that you must be also doing pretty well at school (despite everything) because otherwise, the head teachers would be wanting to perhaps have a meeting with you and/or your parents.

Great to hear from you again,

Kind regards

Neil

[Jade12]

Unfortunately my dad does have a very stereotypical mindset when it comes to depression and thing like that. I cant blame him though because he comes from a very biased family. However I do think that it is unfair to judge people. I am glad you mentioned that it might be a good idea to see a councillor at my school, I have decided I might look into that. It really does depend on what the councillor is like and how helpful they are.

In terms of the reason why  I can be both smart and have depression is because I dont have any friends so I usually just focus on my studies. I dont have anything else to do so I just work away, especially maths because it doesnt involve any emotion. I doesnt matter how I feel, its just an escape from my feelings into a world that is simple and straight forward. I do tend to get very lonely because even when I do make friends my depression causes me to recoil back into a shell and I lose most of the people I have. This usually only makes it somewhat worse, but its hard because you dont want people to think the wrong thing, or judge you or for you to hurt them.