New Here

[Jade12]

Hi, this will be my first post. I am a bit nervous and not sure what to do but its nice to know there are people out there going through something similar to me. Sometimes its just nice to talk to someone about it who doesnt judge you. I have chemical depression and currently am on meds. I have been suicidal, and self harmed but lately have been developing people to support me when things get hard.

[Neil_1]

Hello Love  (I’ve always wanted to say that!)  🙂  

May I say welcome to Beyond Blue and congratulations to you for submitting your first post.  I understand that yes it can be daunting to come to a website and post but what you’ve done here is such a positive first step.  You’ve come here and reached out … and in return, you’ll find others on this forum who will reach back to grab your hand and take you to a safe place. 

Love, THIS website is such a place.  You can come here to vent, you can come to express how you’re feeling, what things have happened in the past or are still happening … and what you’ll receive back from the wonderful people on this forum is care for you, advice will be given if questions are asked and above all, we will give you 100% support.  Oh and no-one is ever judged here.  We are largely all suffering from some kind of mental illness and it’s tough.  It’s damn tough.  

So I hope my above para has helped a little to ease some of your tension and nerves and yes, you’ve come to the right place for yes, we are like minded folk who can understand what it’s like to live with this awful illness.  

That is a great thing to hear where you said you’re speaking to people (yes?) to help support you when times get hard.  That is brilliant to hear because it’s just no good to try and battle this thing on your own. 

You’re also on meds as well, which I believe is a good thing, especially when you say you have chemical depression – having this meds in your system will help you manufacture the right chemicals in your mind and brain to make things that much more bearable.  

 I hope that your awful thoughts of self-harming and even worse are behind you?  Are you able to let us know how you’re feeling in regard to those two horrible things?  

Do you see your GP very often and have you been on your meds for a while now?

One last question before I post this;  when you say your engaging people to help support you – are they friends and/or family?  Are they proving to be helpful to you?  

Thanx Love for coming to Beyond Blue and posting and I hope that you are able to respond back whenever is convenient for you.  

Kind regards  

Neil

[Viv13]

Hi Love and Neil,

This is also my first post. I have been highly medicated for Major Depression for approx a year now but like Love I have also had bad thoughts and self harmed. I have a whole network of people that are supposed to be out there to help me, I see a Psychologist, a Psychiatrist, my GP, a Rehab Officer, an Insurance Company Claims Officer, my Solicitor, my Family and despite this I don't feel that I can really turn to any of them. Pretty much all the above are paid to help me and my Family worry too much about me so I stopped telling them how I was feeling (in too much detail) a long time ago. I had no idea that a forum such as this existed. All along I wanted to talk to people that would truly understand how I feel, that had been through it, because the others don't really understand how black my world is. I'm sure they think I'm weak or over reacting, the truth is I don't feel in control of anything anymore anyway,  so what happens just happens. I am pretty much in zombie mode going along with their recommendations and wondering where I am going to end up. So Love I 'm probably not much help because I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel because I'm way down deep in that tunnel. But hopefully the fact that you and I are not alone makes you feel a little less insane...... And thank you for giving me this opportunity to vent some of the crippling emotions I am going through today.

[helpmeplease]

Hi Love

Welcome to this wonderful site both to you and to Viv13.

It is a very big step that you have both taken, and as Neil said you will find that all the people here are suffering from all kinds of different illnesses, I myself am a sufferer of Borderline personality disorder and depression.

This site is fantastic and as Neil also said we never judge, we are all here for each other for support and helpful hints. Sometimes all we need is just to know we are not alone, even if we don't know how to help ourselves let alone others its always nice to read the supporting posts from other sufferers.

HMP

[Jade12]

Awwww, wow. It is so nice to have you guys caring about me and supporting me and wanting to understand me.

Well, I am only young and very mature. 16 and have been on meds for quite a few years. Since maybe 13. I usually talk to my doctor every 4 months or so except because we have been moving a lot I've haven't see the same doctor more than twice so its been a bit hard to build a relationship. 

I am not sure but it kind of started near the end of the year (my depression). I would curl up on the end of my bed, cry and scream. Sometimes I would grab a knife or pills but I knew better than to end my life no matter how much I wanted to. Whether it was pain or what I dont know, I just kind of start shaking. And sometimes I feel a bit worthless, or a disappointment. I am smart (dux) but I dont have many friends. I dont like to hurt myself but sometimes I find everything gets to hard and I struggle to get along. Usually it wont take much to send me into a depression when I am having a bad day. And the worse part is I never know why I am sad, so I never know what I can do.

Currently I have a boyfriend who is greatly supportive and understand except its hard to see each other a lot of the time and when he's away it gets really difficult. My family aren't great in supporting me because my mum has depression and dad doesn't want to know about it mainly because he doesn't understand. I thought I should talk on here because lately I've been writing a diary but I need more support and help to keep going on the right path especially because I can get help on here whenever I need it. And also advice.

What you said Neil is making me cry with happiness, it means a lot to me. What you said is some of the most comforting, nicest words I have heard.

[Jade12]

Viv, that really did help. Knowing that you're not alone and that there are other people out there is so comforting. And I feel so similar to you, even just you guys acknowledging that I exist and understand me gives me so much more hope

[Neil_1]

Hi Viv

Welcome to Beyond Blue and it's great that you've found this site.

It does sound like you've got lots of trauma that you're having to deal with - could I please make a suggestion to you and that would be to create your own thread about yourself - to give us a little bit more information about your concerns, issues and troubles.  But hey, only if you want to, but the thing is with this site is that everyone is treated with as much support and care as the next person.  There are some amazing people on this site.  But if you think you could do that, we'll be here to read and hopefully might be able to provide some advice or guidance to you ... but above all, we'll be here to support you.

To Love:  I hope you're still around and that you are able to get back to us at some stage, when you feel comfortable to do so.

Kind regards

Neil

[Jade12]

I cant believe how caring the people on here are 🙂

[geoff]

dear Love and I'II have to include Viv as it's both your first post, yes both of you are so welcome and thanks for trusting us sufferers to try and help you both.

I'm sure that there are so many of us who can relate to what ever you both have to say, because many of us have been in the same situation as you are in.

How can ever say anything better than my esteemed friend Neil, who is still a sufferer, just as HMP is, but everything said is so true to the core, while I am a   person who has dealt with depression for such a long time, which ended my marriage, but to me now that's in the past, and I have moved on and I believe that I have overcome depression, and there are 'ifs' and 'buts' to my situation which I won't talk about now.

So there maybe questions people may ask, but they only do this to establish what is causing you to be in depression, that's all, it's not to sticky nose, so please don't be frightened, because there are no wolves on this site, just wonderful caring people.

Viv, your post has mentioned a great deal, so do you know how to start your own post, because I only say this because people may respond to it, but it will get lost in commenting in another persons own post, so when you log on go to 'ALL POSTS' and click 'COMMUNITY BOARD' where you will see 'START NEW THREAD' click that and away you go.

Actually I have copied and pasted it for you, but it has to be check by the Moderators and hopefully it will then show. L Geoff. x

[Neil_1]

Just a very quick diversion here Love - and that is to Geoff - brilliant my friend, for displaying Viv's post above into an "own" thread/message on the Community Board.  If people see the heading of "NEW HERE" on the Community Board site, and that it's created by Geoff, please go to it and have a read and comment if you feel able to, because it's Viv's post and you'll be responding to Viv.  Cheers.

Sorry for that little diversion Love ... but I'm back now ... wow, that must make it so difficult for you to generate any kind of relationship with a GP if you're moving a lot.  That doesn't sound the ideal option, but can I just say that for someone so young AND to be battling what you're going through, you are incredibly strong with heaps of courage, determination and yes, as you quite rightly said, showing loads of maturity.

Dux of the school ... way to go Love ... I'm actually shaking my head as I write this (have you ever tried it ... don't because it's difficult!) because of what you're suffering and yet you're still producing amazing results at school.  Simply amazing stuff.

You hit the nail on the head when you said, "I never know why I'm sad ..." because yep, that's what depression is all about.  It is there, it lives within us and yet to try to explain it and how it affects us can be oh so difficult.  But that's what it does.

It strangles our brain/our mind and as such it stops our ability to produce chemicals in our minds to make us feel 'ok'.  Hence why there is a need for anti-depressant medications ... these are taken to then produce the chemicals that we can't make naturally and as a result, it helps us to feel 'ok'.  Sometimes it can be a trial and error thing, hence why there are so many of these medications on the market - because what works say for me, might not work for you and vice versa.

Does your boyfriend travel away with family or is with with work?  Does that happen often?  That is unfortunate about your family not being able to be as supportive for you as you would obviously have liked.  But surely your Mum who is fighting her own battle is able to provide some support to you - as in, if you're both battling this awful illness?   Do you go along to your GP on your own or does your boyfriend or you Mum or Dad take you?

I think I've rambled on a bit again ... so I'll send this off to you now and I hope that your weekend has gone along "ok" for you ... and how is your school year going so far?  (whoops, sorry, slipped in another question when I hope you weren't looking!) 🙂  🙂

Kind regards

Neil