My past still haunts me.

Darcis_Prime · ‎31-07-2015

Hey guys, im Darcee. This is my first post on this thing so here goes:

I was brought up on pain. Constantly beaten and abused. I was made the 'slave of the house' after my father had married my stepmom. She is a cruel, mind-bending woman who controls people to her will. She's like Morgana. Cruel and wicked. My father wasnt always so abusive. He used to be kind, smart and loving. But when she came it all went to hell. I would be threatened in my own home, told that i was nothing but a filthy rat... at least that is what it felt like. My hatred for them grew bigger by the day and soon, after moving i had had enough. Instead of trying to 'impress them' i shamed them. Gave them a taste of their own medicine. I devoted to listening to demons instead of these 'angesls' they so often sopke of. They tried to force me to be christian, i became the opposite. A girl who hates the things they did and killed her own family in her dreans. Everyday i feared getting out of bed, not even game enough to plant my feet on the carpet. But now that i have gotten away from them i feel safer. But my past still comes for me. I may be 15 but i still need a teddy bear to get to sleep in fear of waking up in that ghastly place. I needed out of there before i exploded.

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geoff · ‎01-08-2015

dear Darcis Prime, hello and great for you to post your comment, which must have a difficult decision and probably rather frightening, but I'm pleased that you have.

I have to be careful in how I reply back to you, because your 15 coming onto 16 and being able to get your learners plates to drive a vehicle.

I can never understand why any step mum/dad would want to be so cruel to the natural children, but then when Dad remarried while Mum was in a nursing home, our step mum would turn Dad away from his 5 children, but when she passed away Dad returned to his kids.

There is no excuse for any of this to happen with you and what seems to be situation here is that you are suffering from PTSD, and although I'm not a qualified psychologist it is really inappropriate for me to mention this, but when someone has suffered themselves from this illness for long time it maybe safe to suggest that this illness is PTSD, but really a doctor has to diagnose you.

Now that you are away from them means that you are safe, or at least I hope so, and whether or not they have been trying to contact you, but you can get back to us.

Can I suggest that you go and see your doctor, but more so it's good that the Moderators have been in touch with you and would have offered you some very good advice, however I do hope that you get back to us when you can. Geoff.

Narniakid · ‎01-08-2015

Hi Darcee! Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story, you're extremely brave for staying strong through all that you have.

What an awful experience you have had, it just baffles me that people can be so cruel. I am pleased to hear you are away from that environment, and I am sure the moderators are doing a good job working with you.

If it is available to you, try and see a counsellor. If you don't have the funds to see a GP, then take a visit to your school counsellor and see what services are available to you locally, such as Headspace.

Keep in touch, keep your chin up and I am wishing you all the best.

Crystal

Narniakid · ‎01-08-2015

Hi Darcee! Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story, you're extremely brave for staying strong through all that you have.

What an awful experience you have had, it just baffles me that people can be so cruel. I am pleased to hear you are away from that environment, and I am sure the moderators are doing a good job working with you.

If it is available to you, try and see a counsellor. If you don't have the funds to see a GP, then take a visit to your school counsellor and see what services are available to you locally, such as Headspace.

Keep in touch, keep your chin up and I am wishing you all the best.

Crystal

RampantUnicorn · ‎03-08-2015

Hiya Darcee!

I can definitely relate to this, though not in your certain situation. I'll give you a little insight;

I just turned 17, and am attending a new high school in NSW, Australia. I went to an all girls' school from year 7 until early year 10 (last year in April). I was framed for degrading my whole grade by writing things in our school toilets, and I almost got hurt (to put it kindly). I lost myself, and my 'friends' there. I stayed away from school for the last few weeks of the term, before finally signing out of that school and signing into my new school. I felt so alone, and scared that I was going to be put in hospital (seriously, the girls can be brutal). I ended up getting into a fight and then getting ridiculed afterwards because I simply wouldn't fight for something that I didn't do. Through a close friend of mine, I recently found out who caused all of the chaos and I almost lost my mind, but I didn't. My life is, and always will be rocky, as I suffer from bipolar, melancholia and major depressive disorder, as well as generalized anxiety disorder, but despite all of this, things have and still are slowly getting better. I'm doing great in my senior subjects (I'm in Year 11, about to go into my last year of HS), I have a great group of friends and I have a very supportive boyfriend.

Please know that things will get better, and you just have to stay strong no matter what. When it comes to the violent environment at home, do you have any family that you can live with that will take you in? Otherwise, I think you should report any abuse to the authorities. What's happening to you isn't right, and should completely end. If you need someone to talk to, this website is very helpful, as there are others, such as myself, who can relate. Please, don't hurt yourself, because you're abusive family members aren't worth a single tear, or scar or anything negative to happen to you!

Stay strong and be a unicorn! haha! That helps me quite a lot, being the weird person I am!

Sending Positive Vibes and LOTS OF LOVE YOUR WAY!!!!! ❤️

Darcis_Prime · ‎06-08-2015

thanks mate, it means alot to me that someone is listening. its just so hard to understany WHY this happens. he used to be so loving... but now he is my worst nightmare and im afraid of my real name. thats why im changing it to Darcee.

geoff · ‎06-08-2015

dear Darcis, thanks for getting back to us, and I'm sorry I can't give you a reason why this happens, although I could mention many reasons why, but I don't know if I would be right, because the list will just keep going on, but I don't think what I suggest will satisfy you, and if it was me, then I would feel the same.

My understanding is that you know where you stand and the position you are now at, and to be able to recognise this is such a great benefit for you, although it doesn't help you short term but will help you long term, because you realise the situation.

People change so much over time either for the good or for the bad which no one could ever predict, and strangely the way we think or hope they will turn out to be, for some reason turns out to be the opposite, and how disappointing that is to us.

I really hope that you can get back to us, because if you decide to go now, then we have only scratched the beginning of your post, and especially for you this journey is only just begun. Geoff.