My Feelings and Story.

[Cameron]

Hi everyone, I'm cameron. I'm currently 19 years old and think i'm depressed/emotionally dead. i have felt this way since i was 12 at least. I'm not to sure if i belong here but obviously i felt something when i saw the menstherapy youtube ad and decided to look into it some more. which feels like a warning sign to me. The main reason why i'm not sure if i'm depressed is because this is how i have always felt for as long as i can remember... What comes to follow is a short summary of the events that have led me to where i am today. This will most likely turn out to be rather long as this spans over a couple of years. 

During My last year of highschool i was in a emotionally unhealthy relationship with a slightly older girl. This relationship only went on for a few months and the feelings in the relationship were mostly from me. she ended up cheating on me and we broke up. However she was my first and what to me feels like love i think is just that special connection of her being my first. given how it has died for the most part by now. Over the 3 years since then each year we have had a more than friends, less than lovers period lasting a few months each time. I feel this is part of the reason why i have lingering feelings despite knowing they won't be returned. The main reason for me liking her is that we are mentally alike and have the same interests. we also have the same way of thinking which is something i have not found with anyone else. To this day i still spend time with her/talk to her.

I have been stuck in the same job for 4-5 years which is a dead-end job disguised as an opportunity for expansion in the company. 

Some of the signs i have read online and on mental health tests are ones i do have. I take over an hour to fall asleep and even then i rarely sleep for more than 6-7 hours, I feel no joy from hobbies and activities i used to love, I have mentally classified my self as A-sexual due to my lack of interest in sex and in relationships it being only for her. I do not enjoy spending time with friends and family, I spend most of my time alone except for work. My eating habits have changed recently to me only eating one large meal a day.  I always feel exhausted and never feel motivated to do anything. 

One thing i have found out about myself over the past year is that i DO like being social and spending time with friends. The problem for me is i dislike 99% of people and find them fun to spend time with for half an hour at most. I have one friend who i spend time with and even that has become dull now. I do not drink or do drugs which is one thing in my favor however.

I also do think about my death a few times a week. not in a suicide way but more of a how would i like to die/best way to do. For example i decided if i was going to die in a car crash and i was with a girlfriend,family member or friend i'd like to die in their place - protecting them. Thinking of your death is usually a red flag but i feel this is slightly different as there are no ill thoughts in it. 

I'm almost sure  i have left out some events that would of led me to where i am today and my stories have many more details and are much more complex however for now i think this will do... I guess this is just me looking for someone to tell me yes i am depressed and to seek professional help or to say no i'm not. 

Thankyou for listening, and for any advice that i receive. I will most likely post more of my story in nights to come. To me a story half told cannot be reviewed properly. I think all details regarding my situation should be given before any judgements of me should be made. However there are no more up sides in it, things only go down.

[Phillip]

Cameron, I'm 19 and suffer from depression, anxiety and OCD. First of all I'd like to say that you shouldn't worry about being judged on here. We are people that understand these conditions, and therefore want to help. 

It sounds to me pretty much like a classic case of depression, however best to be safe and see your local GP to help you in getting a diagnoses and starting treatment. I'm no doctor 😛 Just trying to tell you the right thing to do!!!

As for this girl, I can kinda relate. I never went out with the girl, but I did like her at one stage. After establishing she didnt have feelings for me we decided just to work on our friendship, and hey, shes one of my good friends. Reason being is intense feelings don't last forever Cameron, they went away and we were able to be just good friends. I don't have feelings for her anymore and we can still talk whenever I want about anything. So for your friendship with this girl, you know her best and where it should go. Just thought I'd let u know that things will move along eventually for you.

As for the other things you have stated, I know how it feels. It kind of feels like your brain isnt firing properly, not releasing the chemicals it should at a proper rate. The best thing you can do is go to a GP and start to get it sorted. Being professionals they know what they are doing and will apply the right treatment.

Your still young Cameron, I can see things getting better for you from here and a lot of happy memories to come. Hope this helps!!! Peace Bro!!!

[geoff]

dear Cameron, thanks for joining us.

From what you have said yes you do have depression and as Phillip has said you really need to see your doctor, and don't be worried about doing this because they see a hell of a lot of people with depression.

When we form a relationship with the opposite sex, sure there might be a desire to make love to them, however if this happens then the communication between the both of you can become intense, or heated, but if there is no sex involved then the communication will be on an even keel and then the both of you will be able to think in a more thorough way.

You seem to be a very sincere type person when you say that you would rather take anybodies place if involved in a car accident, so you are a very caring person, and would be a great friend to have.

As you have said there is much more to tell, and from what I have just said it would great for you to reply back to us. Take care. Geoff.