Lonliness is the worst and so are people

[Guest_80304080]

I really need to get this off my chest. I'm in yr 11 and I feel so alone and have been for a few years. I have struggled with friendships groups through the years which is how I ended up feeling this way, I have been exculeded on multiple accounts. I have been bullied by my best friend and I have encounter many awful people at my school who treat others like garbage as well as myself and it's really hard because it's been stopping me from make close connections with the people I hang out with now. This group is probrobly the nicest i have met in the school, they support each out and care about how others feel, best of all they include me in conversations. You would think it was the bare minimum. The only problem is I now over think everything and I have been feeling the most insecure ever in my life. I'm scared to speak, I feel like I'm being judge by them even when I'm proven wrong. I'm constantly thinking weather or not I'm wanted or if it's a pity thing. It's so exhausting. I feel so lonley as I've tried to hang out with some of them but at least from my end they don't seem intersested. All I do is sit at home and do nothing, and I hate it I wanna go out with people but it feels useless. I so desperately crave a friend I can just talk to about stupid stuff, but the past friendship made me rethink everything, I can't text somebody to hang out like I used to because I jump to conclusion. The extra school workload doesn't either. I don't really have anyone to talk to as I don't have a close or best friend. I've talked to my parents about it but they tell me the same thing over that doesn't help. How do I get over this hump and stop feeling like I'm wasting my life.

[therising]

I feel for you so deeply as you face such a tough year at school both academically as well as with coming to find 'the tribe you best vibe with'. For some it can be such a heartbreaking struggle to find the best circle of people.

With my son having completed year 12 just last year, I watched him struggle in a number of ways when it came to finding really good friends throughout his school years. While he also struggled through challenges related to being bullied, what he finally came to discover in years 11 and 12 is the kind of stuff that changed his life and the way he came to see himself, in a more positive light. He finally found his friendship groups (there are 2 of them) through a long process of elimination.

Through primary and secondary school, he never connected with groups that were sporting, he never connected with blokey bloke kinda guys who spoke smack about females (based on him having a healthy respect for females in general), he never connected with highly judgemental people or people who were unkind in the ways they spoke. He couldn't tolerate racism or people of an egotistical or closed minded nature. I could go on but I think you'd be able to get a sense of what he's like. So, with all that said, there weren't a huge selection of people left over to choose from. It wasn't until the last couple of school years that he came across what some people might label as 'the misfits', all those who didn't fit in to the above categories mentioned. They all kinda found each other in the end. They're people who are sensitive, those who've struggled with anxiety, depression, LGBTQ challenges, high functioning autism, ADHD, past bullying experiences and more. They're all deeply feeling people who feel for each other and each other's struggles. They're all supportive of each other when others haven't been so supportive in the past. They've also managed to lead each other to find the best in themselves, as opposed to promoting a sense of shame, inadequacy and self doubt. They've also led each other to laughter over how seriously insane and highly questionable all the 'normal' people are.

I think a large part of the challenge, when it comes to finally finding our self in the tribe we best vibe with, involves allowing who we naturally are to come to life because maybe we've never been given that opportunity before. There can be so much self questioning. 'Who am I? How do I fit in, in the scheme of things? How am I meant to behave, now that I have more freedom to be me? How do I work with this circle of people beyond the school gates? Do they not have an interest in spending more time with me or are they simply super laid back people who don't put a whole stack of effort into organising outings?' and so on. So many questions. From my own experience, I have to say the best people to be friends with are sensitive people. They can just be so easy to get along with.