I’m terrified of going on school camp

[Forrest_123]

Even though my school camp is months away I am so worried about it and keep bursting into tears and not being able to breath properly however it is compulsory and 10 days long in tents. I think I am scared mostly because people always vomit on camp and I HATE vomit. (Last camp someone vomited and I was up until 2am crying in the nurses room and then I said I felt sick even though I didn’t end up being sick) I am also scared of being away from my family and not being able to get out of it if something bad happens and keep having dreams of me running away into the Forrest to escape.

On camp I am scared of getting food poising so I generally don’t eat much at meal times and stick with the packaged things at recess and afternoon tea. I don’t know what to do to feel better when I go on camp and not get so worried. I think I might have a phobia of vomit but I really don’t want to go see anyone about it or talk to anyone in person.

Someone please tell me what I can do, should I talk to my year coordinator about my fear of going on camp or do you think I do need to see a phycoligist or is there another way around it

note: (we aren’t allowed phones or food on camp)

[Sophie_M]

Hey Forrest 123, thanks for reaching out this afternoon and sharing your day with us. We're so sorry to hear how overwhelming and anxiety-provoking your day has been. We understand how disappointing and heartbreaking receiving a poor mark can be especially when you have put so much effort in.  If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. We'd also like to let you know that our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you. Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.  

[Aaronsis]

Hey Forrest_123

I am not going to tell you "we all fail sometimes", that "it is only one exam" or that "it is a chance to improve"....you do know all this already.

You worked hard, you put all your effort in, you felt good about it and you thought you did well. It is heartbreaking when we find that our efforts have not met the "expectations" or the "criteria"..it hurts, it is hard and it is very distressing. Especially if you already are having troubles with your feelings and your emotions and things are a bit tough to begin with.

I understand the feeling of wanting to be isolated, to not have to face any of it..to be left alone to be with the feeling of failure...however....it is fine to do for a short while, you are allowed to feel upset, to feel disappointed and to feel hurt...it is what we do next that matters.

You put all your effort into that essay and it didn't pay off...this time. So it is time to ask ourselves some questions:

* I failed once, should I never try again?

* I failed at something, does this make me a failure in life?

* Do I deserve to die because I failed?

If life went to plan everyday and things were just plain sailing we would learn nothing in life, we need to have challenges Forrest_123 to grow, to learn and to develop resilience. As hard as it is, as much as it hurts it is a part of our life. We have to learn to stand up and say "I am not that essay, I am not a failure, I did not meet the mark this time, I will try because I am worth the effort"

You are very much worth the effort, an essay does not define you, you are not the result of that essay.

It is hard to see your grades slip, I get that, but as grades get higher the work does get harder, expectations rise and just because we were an A grade student last year is no "expectation" we will be this year, or next year.

Trying, continuing to get up when we have been knocked down, these are the things that matter now.

You are not that essay Forrest_123....

Hugs to you

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

Hi,

I don’t know if I want to move schools. My dad doesn’t want me to but my mum doesn’t mind. I don’t know if anything will be better at a new school, and if it isn’t I’ll just have to stick it out. Also my current school will apparently give me better ATAR results and it will look better on my resume, it also has better facilities. I kinda just want a big change in my life though, I want something new, I want to meet new people and try new things, only I don’t know if this possible happiness for 3 more years will be worth it if it means it makes the rest of my life harder just because I moved schools. I honestly have no idea. I thought a trial day would help me decide but it only made the decision harder. And I don’t know who to ask for help from because everyone is biased. What should I do?

[Aaronsis]

Hey Forrest_123

Well this sure is something to sit with and there is a decision to be made, so how I would do it is get a big piece of paper and write down all the good things about your current school and why you should stay, then all the not so good things and then do the same for the new school. There is always some compromise with making these sorts of things so you have to address what your "non negotiables" are....then try and see which school fits the picture.

How did you feel on your 'try it" day? Do you think you may need another one to help you to make this decision?

I hear that you say your parents are at opposite ends of the table on this, so ask them what they have based their decisions on and see what you think about their suggestions and reasons, but ultimately this is your call.

I am not sure that the facilities would come into play for me, I would be thinking of the subjects and if I can do what I needed to, as that is the very reason we are at school, so you probably don't want to move if you cannot get the subjects you need. Also, how did you find your welcome at the new school, did you get a good vibe about it, were people happy to help and did you feel warm about it?

It is a big decision to make and keep talking to your parents, writing down your list of what works and what does not...I think listen to your gut instincts too, I usually listen to what my gut is telling me.

If meeting new people and making a big change is what you are calling out for then go for it. You never know until you give something a go, however in the end, only you can make this call.

I know this is probably not too much help Forrest_123 but here to chat some more if you want to go through what you are considering and how you are feeling.

Hugs

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

Hi Sarah,

it’s me again. I have decided not to move schools. I’m going ok right now but still not good. I still want to be unalive but the thoughts of actually hurting myself have subsided for the first time in the past few months. So yeah.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Forrest_123,

Thanks for keeping the community updated. It's good to see that you've made a positive connection with Sarah. We're glad to hear that things have been improving, and we hope that it feels good to have made a decision about school.

We're sprry that you're still wanting to be unalive. To talk through the thoughts, we would again urge that you do get in touch with Kids Help Line. 

Do feel free to keep us updated here on your thread whenever you feel up to it. 

[Aaronsis]

Hi Forrest_123

It is so great to hear from you and also so wonderful to hear that the thoughts have subsided, this is such wonderful news and I am so pleased for you. You did mention things are going OK, and you know what, sometimes OK is a pretty good place to be.

I hope that you are good with your decision to stay at the school you are at and that you feel like this is the best choice for you. Changing schools is not always the answer, the grass is not always greener on the other side, as the old saying goes, but hopefully the school you are at now is ok enough to provide you with the education and support you need and that you feel supported. I am proud you have been able to consider though that a change of school was an option and that you went down that path to see if it was right for you and have made a choice, this is a really empowering thing to be able to do.

I am mostly to happy to read that you are safe at this time and that you don't have the thoughts that were overtaking you like before, this is such a huge step forward in the right direction and well done for taking care of yourself and for talking Forrest_123.

What else have you been up to in your days? As we are coming out of lock down I am finding lots of things that I was able to do before , even just a catch up with a friend so wonderful, I hope you have been able to do some things that make you feel good too.

Looking forward to chatting whenever you can.

Hugs to you

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

Hi Sarah,

I thought it was getting better but tonight I have found myself in a bad place again. I’ve cancelled all my plans with friends but now I feel bad for letting them down. I’m withdrawing myself again. I just can’t do people anymore. Too much drama, too much competition, too many lies. Just too much of everything bad. I can’t do it anymore. I tried and reached out to a friend, she was really nice but I now feel bad for putting all my problems onto her. So now I find myself with no one.
I am meant to be talking to the school phych and head of learning but they keep telling me taht my brain is wrong and there is no external problems and that it’s all my fault. And maybe it is. I don’t want to talk to them anymore because if I’m being honest it is doing the opposite of what it’s meant to and I’m just becoming more stressed over it. But if I tell them I don’t wnat to continue they start to hold it against me and then start saying “after everything we’ve done to help you” and stuff.

I have also found myself taking blame for everything now just to save other peoples pain.
It is getting tough.
Also I am safe right now and I’m not going to hurt myself.

thanks Sarah

From forrest_123

[Aaronsis]

Hey Forrest_123

It is so lovely to talk with you again and I apologize for my tardy reply, I too have been taking some time to work on me, so that when I talk to you that you can feel supported and cared for and not a cup full of blah blah that I don't do myself.

I am so sorry to hear that things have been taking a turn for the worse, I hope that you are feeling a little different now as it was some time since your post. I also understand what you mean about your school counsellor feeling like you are letting them down by coming back to let them know you are not good. Please remember that wellness is a journey and that it is fine to fall down and to not feel good, BUT it is important to reach out, to let those who are on your team know...that is what we are here for, to help and to get you through this time. BUT...if you don't because you think "I have had my session", "I already said I was feeling ok", "I can't go back and say I am not fine AGAIN"....well yes you can, that is the reason why they are there, they are support people not magicians....wellness takes time and takes support and there is no magic wand we wave for a one time fix...how awesome it would be if that were true.

Please keep reaching out, collecting the tools you need to make you feel well and help you feel good, there will be bad days, there will be good days too though and that is the exciting part.

Please also remember how far you have come, the hard work you are putting in, I am so proud of you, you have overcome some massive hurdles and you are so very brave.

Hope to chat some more to you Forrest_123

Hugs

Sarah xx

[Forrest_123]

Hey Sarah,

I have no clue if you are still logging in regularly and if you will see this post at all but I wanted to give you an update. A LOT has happened this year. I’ve been taken to hospital twice. I’ve been to lots of Phychologists and psychiatrists, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety depression emetophobia and adhd all of which make a lot of sense. I have now been with CAMHS since my first hospital visit or for about 9 months. The second time in hospital was a bit more serious and an ambulance was called to take me there. Since then I haven’t had to do tests at school and most stuff has eased off. But now heading into year 11 next year I will have to do tests and exams but at least I should have adhd meds then so I can focus.
I have one more week of school left thank god! Also I had another school camp this year which was a little better than the last.

thanks Sarah for your support. I hope you have a good holiday season!