I’m terrified of going on school camp

[Forrest_123]

Even though my school camp is months away I am so worried about it and keep bursting into tears and not being able to breath properly however it is compulsory and 10 days long in tents. I think I am scared mostly because people always vomit on camp and I HATE vomit. (Last camp someone vomited and I was up until 2am crying in the nurses room and then I said I felt sick even though I didn’t end up being sick) I am also scared of being away from my family and not being able to get out of it if something bad happens and keep having dreams of me running away into the Forrest to escape.

On camp I am scared of getting food poising so I generally don’t eat much at meal times and stick with the packaged things at recess and afternoon tea. I don’t know what to do to feel better when I go on camp and not get so worried. I think I might have a phobia of vomit but I really don’t want to go see anyone about it or talk to anyone in person.

Someone please tell me what I can do, should I talk to my year coordinator about my fear of going on camp or do you think I do need to see a phycoligist or is there another way around it

note: (we aren’t allowed phones or food on camp)

[Aaronsis]

Hello me again, it is really great that you have opened up Forrest_123 and let us know how you are really feeling.

It is not easy to do, as you said, you have been faking your smile and telling everyone you are ok when you have come to realise that you are not ok. I know it is really hard for you to talk about your feelings with other people and so I am proud that you have been able to be honest with yourself, that is a really huge and important step, so well done.

I hear what you are saying in that you want a fresh start, a reset button so that you can be who you feel you would like to be without the fear of judgement, in a place where no one knows you and you can be you. Can I suggest to you that your friends may already see you as this person, who is happy and who is loving life, as that is what you are portraying to them, they might believe you. So to go and be that person for real would be no different for them, just for you, but you get to be who you want to be.

New York sounds amazing and you will get there one day, you can live out your dreams and fill your life full of what you are searching for, however it is not possible to do that at this time due to covid but also I don't think a year 9 person is quite ready to ditch everything and head off overseas....BUT...you can start planning, you can think about getting a part time job to save, you can think about what you want to do and be when you are there. What sort of things academically do you need to fulfil to be able to work over there? Do you want to study or travel..so many good things to start planning.

Maybe you start a planning journal, and instead of laying in bed with your eyes full of tears, you can lay there and write and plot your trip. Spend maybe 20 minutes on this and then you can lay down with some music or something and fall asleep with the joy of the adventures that lay waiting for you. Who you will meet? What food will you try? What new things will you learn? So many cool paths to take your brain down that don't include tears.

School is tough and I don't want to tell you otherwise, however, it is a time of growth for everyone, where everyone is trying to find who they are and what they also want in life. Can I suggest that maybe even some of the friends that are looking back at you with your fake smile to try to seem happy, a giving you a fake smile too. Is there one that you could share how you are feeling with. Maybe they need you too Forrest_123.

Huge hugs to you

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

Thanks for that response, it has made me feel a lot better.

last night shortly after I sent that post I cried for a few hours and had a couple anxiety attacks. I went to my mum and I think she saw how unhappy I was. Now we are looking at other schools I could move to because this private school with high standards that I am currently going to is putting too much pressure on me. It might not happen and my dad might not let me move but I think I have found a school I mostly like the sound of. If I do move it will be really stressful trying to learn everything about the school and people again especially as I have been at this school for 5 years and once I have moved I can’t really go back if it is as bad. But I am hoping it will be better.

we’ll see how it goes 🤞🏻

[Aaronsis]

Hi Forrest_123

I am so proud of you for going to share with your mum how you are feeling. I hope you can see now on two occasions now you have spoken up and you have asked for help and support and it has turned out very differently than how you thought. You have received the love and the support that you need and that is fantastic. I hope you can put these little things in a file in your mind so that you can recall them when you are struggling or when an issue comes up and you can fall back on this information, these facts that are proof that you do have people who love and care for you and that there are solutions to problems.

I cannot wait to hear how the conversation with your dad goes and what he says about the prospect of moving schools. It is a little daunting moving schools, I will not lie, however compared to what you have been through already, with the camp and the issues with that, this will be a walk in the park. I moved schools EIGHT times in my school life due to my father's job....by the end of it I was an expert. I know of what you mentioned with all the "what if's" and all the "how does that work there" questions that will be flying through your head, but we can talk about them in another post as you already have the skills to manage this, we just need to remind you.

You are so brave and so strong and I am so proud of how you are doing all these things to help yourself and to move forward in your journey.

Please remind yourself too, you are in year 9, you are a developing young adult and you are not supposed to have all of life figured out ....do any of us really? Please give yourself some peace here and step back, see how much of the mountain you have already climbed and feel the pride in your achievements!!

How are you going with the school holiday break? What have you been up to?

My poor kids are still in lockdown although my daughter did go on a run with her friend yesterday....but essentially they are doing nothing.

Chat to you soon Forrest_123 and cannot wait to hear how things are going for you.

Hugs

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

Another problem now, yesterday I only ate 2 meals and today it’s been 24 hours and I haven’t eaten anything except for 1 rice cake and chewing gum. I know this is dangerous but I feel ugly and fat and I want to lose weight. my BMI is normal but I want to be in the underweight category so I can feel skinny. I know these are stupid thoughts and I should just eat but I don’t want to.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Forrest_123,

We're sorry to hear that you're feeling this way about yourself. It sounds like you're struggling with some unhelpful thoughts and behaviour at the moment - please know that there is support available to you to help you deal with this tough issue.

There is an organisation called the Butterfly Foundation which offers support for eating disorders and body image issues. We'd recommend you check out their website - https://butterfly.org.au/

To talk through the thoughts, we would again urge that you do get in touch with Kids Help Line. 

Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.  

[Aaronsis]

Hey Forrest_123

It is great to hear from you but no so good that you are struggling with how you look and your weight. I am glad that you have checked with the BMI scale and that you are in the "normal" category. I am not going to try to tell you that skinny is "this" or skinny is "that"...you are a very intelligent young woman and I dont need to lecture you on weight BUT what I do want to mention to you is a few other things, you will know this already but just a reminder:

What we consume really does play a huge part in our mental health. A good nutritious diet is essential to give our brains the minerals it needs to stay healthy. If we are already struggling with ill mental health then a compromised diet is not going to help our poor old brain. There are plenty of good foods to eat that will keep your weight at a good level while still providing your body and mind with the essentials it needs to serve you well. Things like fish and green leafy veggies, some fruits like berries and also some nuts too.

I am glad that you have acknowledged that these are "just thoughts", they really are and if they want to sabotage you this is how they play with you. Please remember they are just thoughts and being healthy and feeding your body is an essential part of your life and maintaining good mental health.

In my opinion being a healthy, glowing and well weighted person is beautiful. Being a happy and healthy overweight person is beautiful and being a skinny and healthy person is also beautiful..the key here is healthy. I think you know that a rice cake for the day is not serving you very well Forrest_123, I hope you can nourish you today.

Here to chat and to support you, as too the awesome support lines that Sophie_M has mentioned too.

Huge hugs to you

Sarah

[Forrest_123]

I ate a protein bar today. I’m really trying. It’s been a crappy day and I found myself contacting lifeline. They were useless and just parroted what I said. I don’t know at what stage I should ask my parents to take me to hospital but I am worried that I am getting close to needing urgent treatment. I took a walk today without telling my parents and found myself at the park crying. My mum called me on my phone and got mad at me saying she was going to take my phone away. After I said sorry and hung up I had a strong urge suicide. That’s when I texted some friends but all of them said I should just go back home and that I couldn’t go to their house for a bit so then I texted lifeline. Please let me know what point you think I should go to a hospital because I really don’t know if I’m overreacting.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Forrest_123,
Well done for reaching out to Lifeline several times, even after that initial experience with them. It sounds like you're really trying very hard to manage this difficult day, which would be so hard when you feel unsure about whether you should go to the hospital. 

There is a part of you that is telling you that you are 'getting close to needing urgent treatment' and it sounds like this is the time to listen to that feeling. If you are ever unsure about whether you need emergency services, let them be the ones to make the decision. Calling triple zero is always okay, they are understanding of the fact that you may be feeling stressed, overwhelmed, distressed or any other intense emotion. 

[Aaronsis]

Hi Forrest_123

I am so proud of you that you had the courage to call Lifeline yesterday, that would have taken alot to do and I am so proud you made that choice for you, to keep you safe. It didn't go as well as you would have liked but in saying that, it also may have also shown you what support you do need and what does and does not work for you, which is very valuable to know.

I think anytime that you are considering if it is time to present at the emergency department that is the time. I can hear how hard it is for you to open up to your parents and to let them know how much you are suffering right now but it might be time for that too. Taking your phone away is not a great option right now as it is providing you access to services that you need to support you. I think it is time to let your parents know as much of the story as you can. As we have said before, if talking is too much, you can write it all out and give it to them, anyway at all to let them know the seriousness of this situation.

Over reacting is a funny old thing and tends to have many negative connotations. It seems when we say we are over reacting that we are putting too much emphasis or too much focus on a situation, or even that we are making something out to be so much bigger than it is. However, when it comes to your life, to your safety, to making sure you are safe, especially if you are having thoughts of suicide, that we do react..immediately. I don't think there is ever to much OVER reaction to this if that makes sense. Keeping you safe Forrest_123 is the priority here and you need to do what ever that is to ensure you are safe.

You have a lot on your plate and I am wondering how you are feeling today and how you are going with eating and thoughts around your weight? I hope that you are okay and that you feel up to chatting here soon. Also that you can think seriously about that note to your parents, please reach out.

Hugs to you sweet Forrest_123

Sarah xxx

[Forrest_123]

Frick me. Frick me. I hate everything. I want to be not alive. I have never failed a test before and today I did. I failed my economics essay. I never want to go back to school again. I ran away from my teacher having an anxiety attack before she told me my actual mark or explained everything and to be honest i DONT EVEN CARE ANYMORE. I failed and that is that. I hate it. I HATE IT. Everything is going wrong. I’m gonna lock myself in the bathroom so I don’t have to go to school for the next week at least. I don’t want to be told all the “it’s only one test” or “everyone fails” or “it’s a chance to improve” because my grade went from an A straight to a D. Urgh I HATE everything. When can god give me a heart attacker something because to be honest I can’t be bothered even trying at school anymore. I put so much work into that essay and thought I did well and I FAILED. Help me I want to leave everything.