Hypochondria

[MargaritaRowe]

How do people deal with this? I struggle every day. It eats at me and I feel like I'm exploding and rotting. All logic swims away from me and I am in what seems irreparable insanity and misery. I don't have anyone to talk to or see. Don't even mention doctors or psychiatrists or psychologists, I have tried so many and have not found relief. I have stopped taking medication. I have good weeks, rarely and many bad nights with ok days sometimes awful days. I think loneliness makes this all worse than it would be. I don't think there's anything I can do.

[blondguy]

Hi Margarita

I do feel your pain as I have a sister that is going through the same situation re Hypochondria.

The BB forums are a non judgemental zone as you know. I have had depression (clinical) for about 20 years and acute anxiety prior to that.

If I can ask you why you havent had any joy from a counsellor? (I understand that you mentioned not to say it)

Are your bad days/nights anxiety or depression (Hypochondria) based? I understand that all logic floats away from me when I am having a bad ongoing low with my depression.

If you wish to talk about whats on your mind that makes you miserable you are more than welcome. There are many kind people on the forums that feel the same way you do.

you are not alone here Margarita

my kind thoughts for you

Paulx

[MargaritaRowe]

They can't help. They always tell me everything I already know. And I tell them I know it and that I do it. I've become to not respect their profession. Too much judgement. They can't label my misery after 45 minutes. It just isn't possible. I've tried so many things. The only thing that has helped me is just accepting the fact that everything ends, and pain should be endured, you can always learn something from pain and struggle. Death is okay, illness is okay. There's good and bad. I know all that. So sometimes reminding myself of all that helps, but often it doesn't. And I go through so much terror and stress. I don't believe anything else can help but I'm always open to things. Actually, for the first time, meditation and mindfulness worked for me tonight. So that's good. Anyway, blah. Thank you Paul. 🙂 The forums make me feel better.

[blondguy]

Thanks Margarita for the response

You are an intelligent and well articulated person....thats a no brainer

Meditation and mindfulness do work well and good on you. It took me 13 years to find a 'mental health carer' who ended up being a psychiatric nurse who worked wonders. He said he could help me with my issues as long as I committed to weekly appointments for six months.

At the time I thought 'no way' but he listened well and had me crying (venting) at visit #2. Anyhow just for me I was back at work and he gave me my life back......and he was just a young career guy that cost nothing from my local council.

these forums are yours Margarita...I signed up in January this year after a crap 2015....There are many very kind people that can be here for you 🙂

Paulx

[MsPurple]

Hi MargaritaRowe sorry to hear you are struggling with anxiety/depression along with hypochondria. You sound ashamed to feel this way. I want to let you know that you never need to be ashamed of your feelings here on BB. With depression it can make us feel ashamed of things that are quite normal. I have read that anxiety and hypochondria (I don't know if I am spelling it correctly) and they do have a correlation. We think our symptoms could lead to something worse, that causes elevated anxiety which makes us feel worse then the cycle continues. It is hard to break the cycle. I find meditation helps. But for me the thing that helped was talking to my counsellor about all my fears and insecurities. They won't judge and this is normal, nothing to be ashamed about. Counsellors can help you work with strategies that can help eleviate your feelings and fears. I am a bit concerned about you saying 'death is ok'. I am just making sure you are ok. If you need to talk to someone there are always counsellors with BB hotline on 1300224636. Just thought I should let you know. Now it is normal to not find the counsellor that works well with you the first time, I have had to see a few to get the right one. But once you find the right one youll be comfortable to talk to them about anything.
Just remember this is a normal feeling and fear. Meditation is a great too however I do recommend you talk to someone about it. Please let us know how you are getting along

[MargaritaRowe]

Thank you so much Paul.

I sound ashamed? I'm not. Never got the hang of shame. Thanks for asking. 🙂 (sarcasm)

So is death not ok? Should we live our lives being afraid of it? Is my hypochondria justified? I accept that things end. (Most of the time...) It's damn logical. I'm no where near suicidal. I don't need the numbers. I love life. I love living, I want to go to Ireland, there are so many books I haven't read yet and I have a beautiful dog who I love. I have things to do and learn and languages to speak.

I have tried multiple doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors since I was in high school. I have seen some for months, and overall it was a waste of time. I have been reasonable and kind and patient. I will no longer waste my money to be told what I already know.

This is why I struggle talk to people. You don't understand my comment. You totally ignored everything I said. Why does this keep happening to me? Thank you for the kindness.

[MargaritaRowe]

Now I just want to hide.

How do I delete this? I feel sick.

[blondguy]

Please dont hide....these forums are rock solid secure for your privacy.......

Here for you...whenever you choose to post...Paul (hugs)

[pipsy]

Hi MargaritaRowe. No I'm not going to suggest anything, or advising anything. I am curious, however as to when all this started for you. Did you always have these feelings you describe? Hypochondria is such a useful 'label', it covers a multitude of problems. I recall as a child, if I didn't want to attend school, or later the job I detested, I was suddenly, mysteriously, extremely ill, had not slept the previous night, I think I even 'faked' oversleeping one morning to 'escape' life. I had no help, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors did not enter the equation. I was screaming inside that I needed, yearned to be noticed. The frustration, coupled with the 'invisible' feelings I had were almost overwhelming. The loneliness, unbearable. Inability or knowledge of how to reach out, seemed to make it 10 times worse. Invisible feelings means I couldn't, didn't know how to, show the feelings I had. I was unexpectedly invited to join our school choir, suddenly I was 'one of them' whoever they were. I had no confidence in anything, however I did enjoy music and would often sing to whatever was on the radio. In singing, I 'lost' myself, I went with the music, I found something I loved. Still can't sing as a solo artist, but still sing to music. As I stated right from the beginning of this post, there is no suggestion, nor advice, simply me telling you about me. I am no better, nor worse than you, nor are you better or worse than me. Till you find you, you won't find peace. Death, I won't go there, not ready for that.

Lynda

[JessF]

Hello Margarita, you sound very angry and frustrated. It is common here on the forums for people to post and say that they have tried everything and nothing works. In cases like this, I often ask people what their expectations are. There's an old saying that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. If doctors aren't helping with your problems, then it's time to look inward.

In my experience, while some of us are more prone to anxious and depressed thought patterns, a great deal of what makes us unwell is because of what is happening in our lives. So what is happening for you? You've mentioned a number of goals for the future that you have, travelling, learning languages etc. Anxiety and depression will be there throughout our lives, the trick is to learn to live well in their presence or absence. I have found that concentrating on the things I have to look forward to and making plans for the future helps me live well alongside my anxiety and depression.

So, for example, have you made any specific plans or goals for the next year? Saving for that trip to Ireland? Becoming fluent in another language? What are the other things on your list of things to do?