Help... clueless

[Confused93]

Hi Everyone,

So about 6 months ago my partner and I discussed how I should go seek medical help cause I would have these days were I would feel worthless, completrly sad, unable to have any motivation to do anything. I have been this way for a very long time experiencing random bouts of anger, anxiety etc it has gotten worse over time but I thought it was some to degree normal. My partner admitted to me that when we first started dating 2 yrs ago he could see the tell tail signs of anxiety and depression as he hd experience with it as his mums illness is incredibly severe. I am on medication and only on 20mg. My medication makes me not feel much except sadness or happiness nothing in between, ever since taking it my medication its only made things difficult between my partner and I, I just find that I just get really mad and angry at him and push him away all the time. I have been good for the past 3-4 weeks no fights no problems and have been absolutely normal which I was really enjoying and for some reason the moment my partner compliments me for how well I have been doing I snapped and I dont even know why and we have fought and been distant for the past week. Im soo confused I hate being this way I hate that I push my partner away I hate being different I just want to be normal have a normal relationship and be happy with life instead of being scared of everything and always thinking negatively.  

Please help, desperate im pushing away those that I love when I dont mean or want to!

[Jacko777]

Hi Confused93,

I am glad you are talking about this, you will find support and advice on this site.

I don't think i have met anyone that has a 'normal' relationship, we all have our challenges and surely not many relationships are perfect. Perhaps you could take some time, each day, to be aware of the positive aspects of your relationship and your life, rejoice in the good bits and leave the bad bits behind. Practice having gratitude for where you are right now.

Do you have a plan for your medication? Just wondering if you have a strategy to wean off. And are you seeing a therapist? It might take a new strategy to start seeing things in a new light. Hang in there mate, these things can be worked on and even fixed! Making new pathways in your mind is the go, practice not going down the old paths of fear, hate and confusion, instead forge a new path of love, peace and happiness, the more you practice the more normal it becomes. x

[Confused93]

Hi Jackieo777,

Thanks for your reply. At the moment sadly I cant afford to see a therapist and with the medication I would very much like to wean myself off so I dont have to take it anymore the only reason I can afford to get it is that I work in a chemist so I get a really good deal. I would love to learn some tips and tricks to try and change my thought and reaction pattern to things so that it comes out positive instead of negative all the time. X

[geoff]

dear Confused, I'm so sorry that you have only had one reply and want to thank Jackieo for being able to do this.

Sometimes posts get pushed onto the next page and then the next which means that they sort of get lost, but are revived a bit later on.

Firstly if you go and see your doctor he/she will be able to put you on a medicare plan, which entitles you to 10 free visits to see a psychologist, which I generally suggest rather than a psychiatrist, but there are people who prefer the latter, so it's just by choice.

You may have to pay a small fee for each visit, but this depends on the psych who you see, but I do know that some psychiatrists bulk bill, which your doctor may know of.

I'm not a qualified professional, just someone who has struggled with depression for such a long time, so really I'm not able to give you any medical advice, but perhaps from experience, but I tend to believe that your medication needs to be revised, as it seems as though it's not working in a proper way, or the way it should be.

It's interesting the point you make 'the moment my partner compliments me for how well I have been doing I snapped and I don't even know why' is because deep down you know that by having a few good weeks, or even one week doesn't mean that you are over this illness, so you get cross with him because he is assuming ( and I don't like this word, because it leaves things so open), anyway I will use it, however he is assuming that you are over this illness, but unfortunately your not, as it takes a much longer period to even suggest that your over this illness, so the suggestion annoys you, and I used to hate people saying the same to me.

Firstly what I would like you do is to have your medication reviewed, and I only say this because you need the med's that are going to make you feel slightly better, and secondly could you click on 'resources' at the top of the page and order the printed material from BB, it's all free but it's very informative, and as I'm running out of characters to type, I hope that you can reply back to us. L Geoff. x

[Jacko777]

Hi Confused 93,

Geoff has some good advice for you there, if you can get to a doctor you can start a plan to get off the medication if that is what you want to do. I know when I was on anti-depressants I would have daily anger outbursts that went away when i stopped taking it, perhaps this might explain some of your unexplained anger.

It takes time and practice to change negative thinking to positive thinking. Makes sense really cause we allow ourselves to go down the negative path too often for too long, it is likely to take some time to change. The great thing is, you can practice every day and you get a new opportunity in every moment to try again! Every time you can witness yourself going down the old negative path and switch to a positive path you are a bit closer to positivity being normal. Imagine that!

Gratitude will make you feel better. Spend say ten minutes each day being thankful for where you are at right now, your health, your partner, family & friends, home, job, nature etc. No matter how bad things are we always have something to be thankful for and it will bring some love back into your heart.

Do you meditate? Meditation could help you a great deal to focus your attention on the things you DO want, not the things you don't want. It also helps to calm down the mind, which I think would help you right now. Cut yourself a break, try not to waste your energy on things you cannot change, things in your history, fears of the future.

Communication is important with your partner, I hope you can share your journey with him, if you screw up, we all do, move on quickly, don't let it fester between you, apologise if you have to. X

[Flex]

I too have pushed others being family/friends away because I was having a hard time with things and felt sorry after snapping and lashing out at a  loved one. Its a terrible feeling I know and can relate to. Kind of like a mood swing but you don't know where it came from.

 Well the good news is there is help available tell your GP(Doctor) about it he may recommend a good trial solution of some kind. Sometimes talking about the problem is not enough, we have to search deeper and treat the root of the problem eg, with medication.  Don't feel to bad we all have this happen at some stage in our lives just being aware of it is the 1st step to solving your problem & if its reoccurring and causing big problems & or strain on most of your relationships then you need to seek professional help until you get a good handle on it and control it so it doesn't control you. Church might be a good place to visit once a week, I know it helped my mood almost straight away & adjusted my mind-set from negative to more positive thinking.  Congratulations on coming this far in your relationship it takes constant effort to be in one so good on you for that.  Give it a Go! Hope this helps..

Regards,

Flex