Feeling like a social outcast at school

[Liam007]

Hi All,

 This is my first post here and I'm fairly new to this forum.

I apologise if this story is long, I need to list everything

My name is Liam and I'm a 17 year old high school student, I'm in Year 12 at the time of writing this post.

I have the problem of not seeing the good in my self, I basically feel like a failure. I was always the quiet kid at school (this was back in 2010) I tried to fix this in 2011 but it didn't go well so in 2012 and 2013 I was in TOTAL FEAR of speaking up or introducing myself to anyone. I used to love creative arts but didn't want to share them out of fear I would be laughed at.

In 2014, I felt I finally started gaining confidence. I was getting good marks from my teachers and felt I was making legit friends but then....

 I was walking out to lunch one day and one of the groups was sitting in one of the classrooms (they were doing rehearsals for something, can't recall) but anyway I actually overheard them and they were basically saying "I was a weirdo" They were lying to me and only pretending to like me.

Since then my confidence and self esteem JUST CRASHED. I ended up saying really cruel things about myself:

"I hate myself", "I could not show up and no one would give a crap!" "I'm a worthless failure"

and just never believing ANYTHING nice, good and kind anyone had to say about me.  I basically started to feel my reports were all just lies and the teachers were just exaggerating their good comments.

 Which now brings me to this forum, I now feel lost and have no idea where to go from here.

Is there anything I can do to ease up on myself? Should I ease up?

Thank you, Liam

[Liam007]

Kezzaa,

First let me say I enjoy our chats too 🙂 I appreciate you, Mrs.Dools, Dougall, Geoff, Flex, White knight and Ben all talking about this stuff.

I haven't heard from headspace at all at the moment, I hope something comes up soon... I'm starting to feel lonely and down even on the weekends and that's when everything should be good. I've had just gotten rid of a toxic friendship and he has started to notice I'm not paying attention to him anymore. He was a horrid kid, he would make jokes about me being stupid or spastic. He gets bullied, but that's because he is rude to people. He would asked me to support him but when I was feeling down he would respond with "yep" or "That's your problem". He spread rumors about me because I refused to ditch class with him. He would also punch me or whip me with a watch, when I told him it wasn't okay to do that he seriously responded with "Oh whatever".

I started to ignore him. I felt bad but If people think someone not accepting me for me is the worst thing a friend can do. Then he violated that LONG ago.He wanted me to take risks and just ignore the rules. I couldn't do that.

I'm also worried that I'm going to give up on trying to be helpful,

I've tried desperately to assure people that if they need me I will be there to help with whatever they need but they either: A, don't go to me and instead ask for someone else or B, tell me to get lost. I'm also worry that I don't have anything unique to me. The other kids have found their place and are confident in who they and are praised by the teachers and are top of the class, I just feel inadequate having done none of that.

 Sorry for that, school days are never fun and sounds like I'm repeating myself but everyday at school is like that, hopefully the weekend will improve.

Thanks, Liam

[NicoleP]

Hi Liam

Yes. People on this forum are great. I don't know about you - I end up with mental images of these people which is probably nothing what they look like.

Frustrating about headspace - have you tried mindspot? They are online.

Well done on getting rid of that toxic person in your life. It is great that you could recognise it for what it was and often I think that we don't or we feel trapped. It happens to lots of people - think of the women who are in abusive relationships who stay. Bullies are very good at making the target feel like it is their  fault and as you know it isn't.

You really sound like a kind and caring person who wants to help people. You say that there is nothing unique about you, but this is a wonderful quality. From my life experiences, I would say that this is a quality that is sadly lacking in many people.

You seem really concerned that you are not unique. If we could look 5 years into the future, and you could be doing anything (magic wand) what would you want to be doing? Really think about it, don't just say I would like to be like everyone else.

My dreams - I would love to go overseas and do aid work in an orphanage, see my children in positive relationships and happy in their jobs (grandchildren would be a bonus), I would like to be moving towards my goal of running 50 marathons, and want to have run 100km, I want to be riding my motorbike (just got my L's and am too scared to ride it), I want to do the 7 peaks ride on my bike, I want to do the Great Wall of China marathon.

Kezza

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

Please don't ever give up trying to be helpful. I have read a couple of your posts where you have been supportive to others on this site. As you have appreciated others being kind to you, people appreciate your kind words, encouragement and help as well.

Don't worry too much if people don't take you seriously when you offer help. Some people have a really hard time accepting any kind of help from others, as it can make them feel inadequate. Which is unfortunate as we could all do with some help now and then.

School can be a tough place. There is a song going around presently about some girl wanting to be one of the "Cool kids". I don't know who sings it, or what it is called. It has a really catchy tune.

The thing is we are all different. You just need to be true to who you are. Good on you for sticking to your principles and not doing stuff this other guy wanted you to do. To me you are the champion, not the guy who wanted to break the rules.

I have a question for you, how many of the students are there at the top of the class and how many students are there who have dropped out of school already this year?

Everyone has unique qualities about them, sometimes we just can't see them in ourselves! Once you have this year of school done and dusted and you are away from these students you will feel different about yourself.

Not all of our talents and skills show up all at once. We had a family friend who learnt to cook delicious Chinese meals when he was 90. My Nana started painting beautiful pictures after she was 80. I've joined the Country Fire Service at 50 and we have four 70 year olds in our brigade.

Give yourself time to find yourself and your unique qualities and abilities will happen over the years.

You sound like a great guy Liam, the type of son a parent can trust, the friend a person can rely on, and someone willing to help others. It might not seem like much to you, but to a lot of people those qualities are like gold.

Hang in there. From Mrs. Dools

[Liam007]

Doolhof said: I have a question for you, how many of the students are there at the top of the class and how many students are there who have dropped out of school already this year?

There are 5 kids who get on really well with our teacher, often helping him out with several of class Drama activities such as our school production, I desperately tried express my desire to help them out, but was turned down repeatedly. I kept insisting I would do ANYTHING he needed help with, I'm here if you need me etc. I feel like I've driven him nuts to where he doesn't want to speak to me even though he never yelled at me and even wrote that I was "an enthusiastic student" I feel like I've barely shown what I'm willing to do or even talked with him that much. I feel inadequate compared to the 5 kids and feel like I don't even belong in the class.

There are kids dropping out, but I never spoke to them or even tried to connect in the first place.

I'm sorry if I come across as entirely negative, I'm just finding it super hard at the moment. I do read your comments and appreciate them greatly. You also very friendly and I really like talking with you. I should hopefully hear some news from headspace real soon. I'll keep you posted. Thanks from Liam C

[Liam007]

Hello Kezzaa, for some reason your messages keeping popping up in between the most recent ones.

"If we could look 5 years into the future, and you could be doing anything (magic wand) what would you want to be doing?"

I really want to work in the film industry as an actor or cameraman , I would never admit this story to my peers but...

After I was declined to join the Defence Force because of my diabetes, I was bummed and no clue what I wanted to do. I previously wanted to work with movies but for some reason lost interest. I went to see "Captain America:The Winter Soldier" for my 17 birthday, plus I'm really big fan of Scarlett Johansson (it was a quote that she said about courage being the most important thing to be an actor,  I took great inspiration from that) whilst it was watching the movie I just had this weird click that I wanted to work with movies again, I can't explain it. But it was a great feeling...

I've considered mind-spot does that chat system work similarly to beyondblue's? I don't want to make a mistake and have someone think I'm sad to the point where I'm considering something dangerous. I really just need people to talk to and I'm really liking talking with you and everyone else on Beyondblue.

Thanks again, talk soon 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Liam,

I really enjoy our "chats" on here as well. You are not negative Liam, you are just expressing what you are feeling. If you were totally negative, then you wouldn't be wanting to improve yourself, or to be amongst the top of the class.

If you have any questions at all for me,  about me, then just ask.

I'm not sure if I have told you anything about my schooling. I went to one school from grade one to year 10. It was a small school so everyone knew everyone. Even there we had some terrible bullies.

One year we had five students in year 8, five in yr 9 and three in yr 10! From there we went to the nearest school an hour's drive away for year 11 and 12.

In year 11& 12 I had a lot of mental health issues even way back then, lived in a dysfunctional family, was involved in a car accident, missed a lot of school because of the accident, then started drinking alcohol at an older friends place ever day at lunch time, returning to school a little drunk.

I was also boarding away from home as it actually took 1 1/2 hrs to reach school each day by bus. The family I boarded with were a little dysfunctional as well, and apart from having meals with them, well at least the mum and the kids, I was banished to my room and not allowed out of the house at all, apart from going to school.

Half way through year 12 I skipped out. My parents were on holidays, taking my younger sister with them and not me, so I decided to quite school, packed my bag and left home.

Do I regret not finishing year 12? Yes. I had thought of returning to an adult place to do my year 12, but work and other stuff has always taken priority.

So I guess in a way I am trying to give you an understanding of how important your education is and all the other stuff regarding people and feeling a sense of fitting in is something we all desire, but it doesn't come to us all.

I never went to Uni so I don't know what that is like. Hopefully people grow up a little and realise life is not so much about them after all.

Some experiences in life are not pleasant. Like many people using these forums I have had some "interesting" moments in my life. They have all helped to shape and form me into the person I have become. Without a few hassles I would not know how to advise others from making some of the same mistakes I have made.

I have rambled on again. Ha. Ha.

Hoping you have a positive day tomorrow, cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Ldog]

Hello Liam, Ldog here 🙂

If you want to talk about school problems, you should go to my old school...bunch of so-and-so's...

But seriously, I hope you're ok. I graduated about 3 years ago, but most of the time I spent at school was filled with bullying and sitting by myself. I was the quiet one no-one liked.

I know how you feel when you say you're paranoid about how people think of you. I STILL am, but not as bad hehe.

In year 12 I hung out with my one true friend and his group of girl friends. They were the biggest bunch of rude bi*ches I've ever met, and I knew they didn't like me. But by then I had learned to just ignore bullies or rude people. 

If you're still having trouble worrying about other people and their opinions, what worked for me if to just think "do these people and what they say really matter? If they say they hate my art or whatever else, does that make it true? Why should I let these pinheads ruin my passion?" Realise that they're saying it just to make you unhappy. If you and the people who matter to you support you, you're on the right track! 

The subject of school and all the troubles it can cause reminds me of a little incident that happened in year 12 as I was walking to my locker. Some year 9 or 10 boys would sometimes sit near the stairs leading up to the lockers, and usually they'd just ignore me if I walked past, but one day one of them just randomly stood in front of me as I approached. The 10 year old me would have turned around, but I just shoved him out of my way. They thought  it was hilarious...so did I. The next time two of them did it, and I did the same thing 🙂

What should you take away from that story? Don't take sh*t from no-one, because if they're goi g to act like idiots or be mean, they don't deserve your attention. 

 Sorry if this is too long, or too late 🙂 But I hope things work out!

L

[NicoleP]

First I would like to say - Mrs Dools, I love what you write.

Liam, BB put me onto mindspot. You go onto their website and complete an online questionnaire. They then send you your results. Based on your results, they recommend one of their online courses which also provides you with a counsellor. I am actually starting their well being course tomorrow cos of the nonsense I am going through at work with bullying and harassment. I am not in danger of hurting myself either but am struggling to manage what is happening for me at the moment.

Your life aspirations are exciting. You need to be looking at what you need to do to achieve that goal. As Mrs Dools has said, that completing year 12 is the first step. You then might also be able to discover hobbies/courses that will help you towards that goal. You will also then find that you are in the company of like minded people.

Just a thought

Kezza

[Liam007]

Not sure how much of a career it is, but I love figurine sculpting.

I love collecting figures and am a huge fan of NECA, Revell and Airfix. I would love to go into figurine designing at one of those companies. Not sure how much of a possibility that is but "magic wand" 🙂

[NicoleP]

Hi Liam

Sorry to be a bit dumb, but what do you mean by figurine sculpting? I had a bit of a look on the internet and found model planes etc

K