Fed up I even exist. (Non- suicidal)

[Miki_b]

As the title says , I'm a 21 year old guy who  really hates himself  inside and out  I'm in war with me ,  but  what really gets to me is  just the way I look  , now I am  a straight guy  so don't judge ,  when I look in the mirror  I just can't stand  it  ,  I'm 186cms tall weight 86 , kind of athletic build but no abs and I claim I'm skinny fat , I feel like people who I know is feeding me lies saying that I am good looking oh your body is perfect but seriously their eyes must be screwed I am a guy who has self confidence issues and is to reserved and has an off putting body and vibe that's what I see when I glance at myself  , people I know claim that I turn heads when I go by but I believe it's not true, something's seriously is wrong maybe it's  just me or maybe their fake compliments just to make me be quite? Is there such thing as this ? How can I get over this stupid habit. 

[BeeGee]

Hi Miki,

Welcome to BB and thanks for sharing your first post here.  I hope you find support and encouragement here from lots of like-minded people.

I understand you completely when you say you can't believe it when people offer you compliments.  I have felt the same way for over 30 years, and I'm only just coming to realise that this is a part of my depression that was undiagnosed for so long.  Actually, it's pretty rare in Australia that people offer compliments unless they are genuine!  If someone has made the effort to say something nice to you, it's pretty good odds that they mean it.  But, when they are saying it to me, somehow that's different - I think they are just trying to be kind or encouraging and couldn't think of anything else to say.  This is something I will need to keep working on, and maybe for you too it is symptomatic of depression.

Have you talked about this with your GP?  That's a really good first place to start.  He/she can give you a screening test for depression and anxiety, and organise 10 Medicare funded sessions with a psychologist, and/or talk about medications that might help if appropriate.  I wonder if you might also be suffering from body dysmorphic disorder - a condition in which people's perceptions of their body image become distorted for a range of reasons.  But of course we can't diagnose anything here on a web forum - you need to talk to the professionals who can offer you real help.  Sounds to me like you may well benefit from some of this.  A diagnosis by itself doesn't provide a lot of answers - but it does give you somewhere to start in addressing your issues.

On the plus side, you are still young and are self-aware enough to be realising that something is not right.  Good for you!  As with most things, early intervention is more likely to offer better outcomes than late.

You are definitely not stupid, and it's not altogether a habit, although there are some habitual thought patterns that are not helpful there.  With the right help and with time you should be able to identify and correct them.  A good starting point is to recognise these things as symptoms of a problem rather than the problem itself, and to understand that the problem can be treated.

Let us know how you get on!