Completely lost and deflated

[Catalyst]

Hello,

I made a post ages ago talking about how I felt numb and all, and well, it has gotten much worse since then. Everyday I wake up feeling extremely numb, feeling no excitement to see friends, go to school or anything. Voices in my head torment me with horrible thoughts to do with these numb feelings like "you don't like your friends anymore, you are so lonely". I get these constantly and it kills me. I feel so apathetic about life too now. I just started year 12 this year and I couldn't care about my results or anything to do with school or future life. I recently told my parents I'd rather sit home and not do anything with my life, because that's how I feel. They got extremely mad at me, and I feel no support from them whatsoever. They never ask how I am, they don't listen to me when I try to tell them how I feel. They did organize for me to see a psychologist and I have been seeing them for a few months but it's not helping. I feel like I've gotten all the help I can get yet nothings working. They said I'm heading towards anti-depressants, which I'm even more worried about. I feel so disconnected from everyone. I don't want to and I never have but I do, and I don't know what to do about it. I'm scared of losing people in my life, simply because of these numb feelings and voices trying to put a reason as to why I'm feeling this way. I don't enjoy life at all anymore, I feel like I'm just an empty shell, feeling nothing and just doing things because I have to. I don't care about anything or anyone anymore. Not many people ask how I am, probably because I am good at putting on a mask. I feel so unsupported and hated by my family, there was already so much conflict within the family and now it's just worse. I'm used to just locking myself in my room and doing nothing, but enjoying getting away from it. I have the desire to reconnect with some people, but the voices and the numb feelings make me doubt myself and doubt everything in my life. One minute I feel like I'm certain I like my friends and I want to spend time with them and next moment I feel like I don't want to see them ever again.
I'm just putting my feelings down here, I don't know, there is no order to it.
I'm just so lost and upset but so empty 😞

[blondguy]

Hello Catalyst

Thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue family

You are in a very tough year (year 12) and you have so much to deal with.....expectations of doing well...peer group issues...family issues.....the list goes on and on

If I may say that you are amazing for having the strength to a vent here with us on the forums!

When I did my VCE years ago I didnt know what was happening either and felt disillusioned and empty too

You are not alone here Catalyst in any way. The forums are non judgemental too....No one will judge you here. Your privacy is paramount to us

You arent on anti-depressants now so thats one thing you dont have to worry about.

You mentioned that you feel your parents arent supporting you. Can I ask you what your psychologist has to say?

There is always a good way to get through to parents and that is writing your thoughts on an A4 and letting them know how you feel and that you need their support. Parents usually pay huge attention when they get a word doc/email.

You are not alone here at all

You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish

my kindest thoughts

Paul

[Sophie_M]

Hi Catalyst, welcome back to the forums.  As this is a continuation of your earlier thread, we're going to close it - please keep updating your original thread, our community can support you much better if they have access to the full story in one place.  It saves repeating information as well:

I don't feel excited or motivated about anything