SO ALONE AND LONELY

[justwanttobehappy123]

I need help asap please!

18yo girl with depression & anxiety. My family has gone to Japan for 2 weeks without me (my choice) so I am home alone. My boyfriend was supposed to stay with me every night because I am too scared to sleep alone. BUT the time my family happened to go away just happened to be the time when he and his dad go to Sydney for this car race thing, which we didn't figure out until a few months ago (nothing anyone could do). I struggle with being alone as I find when I'm alone I let my anxieties in. It's been a week and my bf and I were together 24/7, until he left last night. I was absolutely fine the whole week (even proud of how happy I was). I slept at a friends house but I was up from 2-5:30am crying because I felt lonely. My mum and my boyfriend are the people I talk about my anxiety too and I am close to them. Yesterday my mum made a comment about how I was looking fat in the face on FaceTime and it upset me. Today I have been home alone and I have been crying all day. I feel so isolated and alone right now. I just had a panic attack and I couldn't control it myself so I messaged my boyfriend which I didn't want to do and he helped calm me down. But now I feel super guilty. I didn't want to message him because he is away having a good time, enjoying his time away from me and my anxiety, and I imagine when I messaged about my panic attack that he was drinking with his dad/'the boys' and rolled his eyes thinking 'oh here we go'. I understand that, bc my anxiety can get annoying but I also get upset that he gets annoyed at my anxiety (which he does and he has told me truthfully that he does but it's because he doesn't understand and he is trying to understand). After I told my bf I was having a panic attack he didn't reply for 10mins, I feel like such a burden/annoyance to him rn. I can't talk to my mum because she is most likely stressed in Japan because she gets that way about overseas holidays, and I know if I tell her I'm upset she will worry about me and it will ruin her trip. So now I feel like I have no one to talk to. I have one friend I feel like I can talk to about anxiety but she is at a concert. I can't talk about it with my other friends unfortunately. My cousin is coming over for a sleepover after work at 9pm but until then I am scared I will have another panic attack I can't control as I feel so alone, isolated and lonely. I don't want to have to ruin my boyfriend or my mum's trip so I need help on what to do please! THX

[Croix]

Dear Justwanttobehappy123~
I‘d like to welcome you here to the forum. I’m afraid it has taken a while for anyone to answer your post. Unfortunately that happens here from time to time, it is no reflection on you or what you want to talk about.

To get an immediate response you need to ring a manned 24/7 service such as:

beyondblue help line 1300 22 4636
Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800
eHeadspace 1800 650 890

The last two specialize in people under 25, all have a web-chat presence too.

All these things, like contacting your mum or boyfriend, are short term fixes to treat the symptoms of ongoing problems. As someone with an anxiety condition I can understand exactly what you mean by ‘letting my anxieties in’ and about panic attacks – pretty horrible.

It is very thoughtful of you to worry about how your mum feels and not want to be a drag on your BF, however when things get bad you do need something. If you show your BF some of the pages in The Facts menu above he may get a better understanding of anxiety. Most people do not know what to do until they have had guidance and can get very worried themselves

Do you mind if I ask if you are getting any sort of treatment at the moment?

If you are then you might need to contact your doctor and say your current regime is not working properly. Of course if you are not receiving treatment now is the time to start. Please see your GP in an extended consultation and set out everything that is happening to you and how you are reacting. It may seem a big hassle or embarrassing to get treatment, however it really is the only way to go.

I found as time went on things only got worse before I sought help. Nowadays I’m an awful lot better and anxiety mostly under control. The few panic attacks I have I work through with controlled breathing plus thinking it though and realising I always mange to get out the other side.

You have a pretty hard time of it, having to rely upon there to help you thorough, life can be a lot better (as I found out). Please feel you can talk here as often as you want

Croix